Akane the Suicidal
by WFROSE
Summary: A different spin on the Akane/Ranma relationship... (heh) [Complete!]
1. Chapter 1

Tee hee, I'm so silly ^_^  
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"Wow, you're not half bad!" Ranma-chan congradulated, it was rare that anyone ever gave her such a challenge. It was almost as if this Akane girl had no apprehensions about staying offensive; she must have went through many trials for the art, like she had.  
  
"Thanks!" the raven-haired girl beamed back, "You're not too shabby, yourself!"  
  
"Well, I did have a lot of training on the road," Ranma-chan replied almost smugly.  
  
Akane smiled, really liking the girl before her. With a slight sniff, Akane turned her nose up, "Well, it definitely smells like you've lived on the road."  
  
Ranma chuckled sheepishly, almost like a guy, to Akane, "Ah... I guess we didn't have much time for baths before we arrived."  
  
"You and your panda?" Akane asked, with an almost excited expression at remembering Ranma's animal, the girl continued, "Is it dangerous?"  
  
"Nope, just a royal pain in the butt, sometimes," Ranma-chan grumbled.  
  
Akane seemed almost disappointed, "Well, go take a bath, I'll join you later if you're still in."  
  
"Ah... you can go first, if you want," Ranma replied, a bit nervously, "I kind of would rather bathe alone."  
  
"Shy, aren't we?" Akane teased, "I'll tell you what, you go first, okay? And let me know when you're done."  
  
Ranma nodded, and smiled at Akane; the raven-haired girl was definitely nice, and she had such a beautiful smile.  
  
After asking Kasumi for directions, Ranma entered the bathroom with towels handed to her by the older girl. Ranma undressed, and started to walk into the the furo room, before stopping. Her head turned back into the restroom part. That was a serious looking medicine cabinet, if Ranma hazarded a guess, it was made of heavy steel. On top of that, it had some serious, heavy-duty padlocks on it, to boot...  
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Ranma had finally decided to reveal himself before the surprised Tendous. Ranma turned to look at Akane, concerned about what she probably thought of him, and was both relieved and surpsied himself to find nothing but curiosity on her part.   
  
"So, you're really that girl from before?" Kasumi asked, tentatively.  
  
"Hmm," Genma mused, "Where should I begin?" Before he could realize it, Ranma found himself airborne. "My Son, how humiliating!"  
  
"Daddy, why are you friends with them?" Kasumi enquired, pointing to the two bickering and cursed martial artists.  
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"No sweat!" Soun gleefully stated, "You're problem isn't so bad after all!" Suddenly, Soun's expression became intensely serious, "Now, I must ask, you are indeed skilled in the art, I presume?"  
  
"He is pretty good, Daddy," Akane spoke up, "I spared with him, myself!"  
  
Soun ignored her, "Really, just because you trained in China, and your father, who is an exellent martial artist, himself, trained you, are you as exeptional as you would have us believe?"  
  
"Of COURSE he is!" Genma bellowed, outraged at what his old training partner was insinuating, "I would NEVER allow Ranma to slack off! Why, he's the best of his generation! I made sure of that!"  
  
"Well, you *are* his father, so I would expect you to say that," Nabiki interjected, catching onto what her father was doing. Kasumi looked between everyone, before her face lit up in realization. After a moment, the eldest daughter began to cry silent tears of joyous hope.  
  
Nabiki glared *hard* at Ranma, "What we want to know, is, if you are *truly* as good as you're making yourself out to be."  
  
Ranma-chan was gritting her teeth, but replied, "Like my old man said, I am the best there is..." she looked up to glare defiantly at the other girl, "and I challenge you to find anyone else better!"  
  
"Words, Ranma," Nabiki replied flippantly, "Can you prove it?"  
  
"OF COURSE I CAN!" Ranma shouted, "I, on my honor as a martial artist and a Saotome, dare you to find any challenge to prove it! Ah... within reason, I mean..."  
  
"That's settled!" Soun quickly spoke up, "Then the challenge is you'll be engaged to Akane!"  
  
"HEY!" both Akane and Ranma shouted in shock.  
  
"Oh, they make such a beautiful match!" Kasumi cooed.  
  
"I trust you *will* take good care of my sister, watch over her, and protect her to the fullest of your ability... " Nabiki asked in a hard voice. Suddenly, Ranma found Nabiki looming over him like an overbearing oni, "WON'T YOU?"  
  
"YES SON, *WON'T YOU*?" Soun followed suit with his own demon head attack.  
  
Ranma looked between both large headed spectors, and helplessly looked to her father.  
  
"[Pandas have no say in this]" read the sign of the panda playing with a beachball.  
  
"Why not?" Akane asked, nonchilantly.  
  
"Huh?" Ranma quickly snapped her head towards the other girl, surpised to find her so accepting.  
  
Akane just shrugged, "Well, I still have a bath to take, nice to have you as my fiancee, Ranma-kun!" With that, Akane left.  
  
"Ah... aren't we a bit too young to be getting married?" Ranma asked, still staring after where Akane had left.  
  
"Oh, you'll do fine," Kasumi replied with a serene smile that seemed to have something more to it. Ranma know what that *something* was, it was something that his father's expression held when he was telling Ranma that 'it's someone else's problem, now'. Ranma gulped.  
  
::BLAM::  
  
Soun's head suddenly snapped up, as he turned to the bathroom, "Um, is that the medicine cabinet?"  
  
::BLAM::  
  
Both Kasumi and Nabiki turned to the direction of the bathroom.  
  
::BLAM::  
  
::crink::  
  
Ranma and Genma blinked, finding themselves alone in the room. Ranma feared what he had been duped into.  
  
"No! Akane, get those out of your mouth!" Kasumi's urgent voice, along with the sounds of a faint scuffle, could be heard all the way into the living room  
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Ranma didn't understand the situation he was in. Sure, he had experienced similar plots from his father in the past, but this is the first one he recalled that his father stuck with it. Ranma turned to look at the girl leading him to school; she was pretty cute, but he didn't even know her! She was also taking this exeptionally well, and wondered if she even considered any reservations to the engagement.  
  
"Hey, Akane..."  
  
The girl looked up to him from the ground, her eyebrows raising in attention, "Hmm?"  
  
"Uh, don't you, you know... have anything to say against this whole thing? I mean, surely a cute girl like you has someone else they're interested in!"  
  
Akane tilted her head, and smiled, "Thank you for the compliment, but it doesn't matter."  
  
"Doesn't matter?" Ranma repeated, "Are you one of those chicks that are extremely afraid of becoming an old maid or something? Sure you don't have much of a figure, but your face..."  
  
::WHAM::  
  
"HEY!" Ranma shouted, rubbing the back of his head from where his father just smacked him.  
  
"FOOLISH BOY!" Genma bellowed, "YOU'VE BEEN HANDED A CUTE GIRL TO MARRY ON A SILVER PLATTER!"  
  
"Uh, yeah, but..." Ranma started.  
  
"Listen, I'm only going to say this once..."  
  
Rolling his eyes at being cut off, Ranma surrupticiously slipped his foot under his father's, tripping him off the fence. "What's that, Pop? Were you try'n to say something?"  
  
The angry and wet panda leapt at Ranma, and caught him before he could escape. The pigtailed boy was pitched into the air, but managed to recover his balance before landing, "Ha! Check this out!"  
  
::Splash::  
  
Ranma looked down at herself silently, before starting back for the Tendous, "I'm going home to take a bath."  
  
"No, wait!" Akane called out, "You're going to be late!"  
  
"I can't exactly start my first day of school as a girl, you know?" Ranma drolled, turning to look at Akane.  
  
"Well, you just need to pour hot water on you to change back, right..."  
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"Come on, in here!" Akane lead Ranma into the clinic, not even bothering to announce their presence  
  
"Hi Dr. Tofu!" Akane called out to a young man with glasses, who was currently looking over some paperwork.  
  
"Oh, hello, Akane, no new injuries today... I hope," The doctor asked almost casually. Akane rolled her eyes, and shook her head.  
  
"Oh? And who's your friend?" the doctor asked, observing Ranma-chan.  
  
"Oh, this is Ranma," Akane introduced the redhead, as she gave a bow. "She's a guest staying with us. Ranma, this is Dr. Tofu," Akane introduced the two, heading for the clinic kitchenette. Ranma wondered why Akane didn't mention the engagement, but dismissed the thought; it wasn't like she wanted it, herself.  
  
"Akane, you know you're not allowed back there," Tofu lightly chided, earning an embarrassed expression from Akane.  
  
"Sorry. Could you possibly go get us some hot water?" Akane asked.  
  
"Sure! HOld on a sec," the doctor started back to the kichenette, and then added, in after-thought, "And stay out of my medicine cabinet, please."  
  
Akane gruffed, and folded her arms with an indignant expression. Before long, Tofu returned with a steaming kettle, "So, what do you two need this for?"  
  
"Ah..." Akane's eyes flashed back to a nervous Ranma-chan, "It's kind of a secret..."  
  
Tofu's expression hardened, "Tell me, or you're not getting this..."  
  
"It's for her, honest!" Akane wildly placated, pointing towards Ranma.  
  
Ranma sighed, and stepped forward, "Well, it's not like it's going to remain a secret from everyone..." While the kettle was still in Tofu's posession, the redhead tipped its contents onto her head.  
  
"Well, I'll be," Tofu whispered in awe, "A Jusenkyo curse..."  
  
"Huh? You know about them?" Akane asked with a surprised lilt.  
  
"I've heard about them, but this is the first one I've ever seen," Tofu replied, carefully studying Ranma.  
  
"Uh, then you wouldn't to happen to know a cure for them, would ya?" Ranma asked with a hopeful expression. The good doctor shook his head.  
  
"Afraid not, but if you want, you can stop by sometime, and we can study it to find out a few things that may help you."  
  
"Great! I'll do that!"  
  
Tofu chuckled at the boy's entheusiasm, "Well, I'm sure you two have to get going. You don't want to be late for school now, do you?"  
  
"Oh! We better hurry!" Akane exclaimed, tugging Ranma out the door.  
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"That's some doctor you have there," Ranma stated, following beside Akane in a brisque jog.  
  
"Oh yeah, he's been taking care of my family ever since I was younger," Akane replied, slowing to a walk.  
  
"Ah, a family doctor," Ranma replied, trying to keep up the conversation.  
  
"Yup, oh, that reminds me..." Akane pulled out a bottle of pills and opened the lid.  
  
Ranma looked over at Akane curiously, "What are those?"  
  
"Medicine," Akane stated, factually, "I have a heart condition."  
  
"Ah," Ranma replied, walking alongside Akane.  
  
"It keeps beating," Akane stated, factually, popping half the bottle into her mouth, and chewing.  
  
"I see," Ranma replied, continuing forward.  
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"DOC!!!" Ranma shouted, frantically, with Akane fiercely trying to pull herself off of Ranma's shoulder.  
  
"HEY! LEMME DOWN!!!!"  
  
"Hello Ranma," Tofu replied, sitting at his desk and looking over paperwork.  
  
"AKANE'S JUST SWALLOWED A BUNCH OF PILLS, AND..."  
  
"They're just the usual placebos I set out in case Akane feels tempted," Tofu replied, not looking up from his paperwork.  
  
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Akane shouted, still slung over Ranma's shoulder, "THAT'S CHEATING!"  
  
"Uh... so they're harmless?" Ranma asked, feeling some of the edge of his anxiousness wearing down.  
  
"Yup," Tofu replied, not looking up from his paperwork, "You two should really be heading for school, now, you're going to be late."  
  
"Ah..." Ranma replied, feeling more than a bit confused, "Be seeing ya, doc." Ranma set a glaring Akane back on the ground, and stated out the clinic.  
  
"Take care, Ranma," Tofu replied, not looking up from his paperwork.  
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"What's the big idea, giving me a scare like that?" Ranma almost shouted at Akane.  
  
The girl in question shrugged, and smiled cutely.  
  
"That wasn't funny! I thought it was serious!"  
  
"It's all Tofu's fault," Akane retorted in a sulting tone, "I though I almost had it, there..."  
  
"Had, had what?" Ranma asked, before pausing, "Uh, why's your nose bleeding?"  
  
"Oh?" Akane reached a finger up, and rubbed the under part of her nose. She came back with a good deal of blood, "Hmm, I was wondering when those would kick in..."  
  
Ranma's left eye twitched...  
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Akane the Suicidal 


	2. Chapter 2

Akane the Suicidal  
Chapter 2  
  
  
  
"DOC!!! IT'S AKANE, SHE-"  
  
Tofu sighed, and looked up from his paperwork, "Ranma, really. I'm rather busy right now, and I believe you should be arriving at school about now..."  
  
"AKANE'S BLEEDING!!!" Frantically, Ranma set the swooning Akane in front of the doctor. The good doctor glared at the girl.  
  
"Hemmoraging from the nose, dazed expression... attempted an asprin overdose, did you?"  
  
"IiiIiiI'm nOt goNnNa teEEEeeeellllLl youuUuuu," Akane replied in a drunken, sing-song voice.  
  
Doctor Tofu rolled his eyes, "I guess Nabiki was right to have you build up a tolerence to asprin, in case you tried something like this..."  
  
Akane snapped right to attention, "WHAT?!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?"  
  
"Other than your nose bleed and the light headedness from the asprin thinning out your blood, you're gonna be okay."  
  
"She's gonna be okay?" Ranma asked, incredulously, staring at Akane's bloody blouse and jumper.  
  
"You mean I ruined one of Kasumi's delicious breakfasts with asprin powder?"  
  
Tofu shrugged, "You have no one else to blame but yourself."  
  
"Well, you could have told me this in advance!"  
  
Ranma was having trouble grasping the surrealness of the scene. He wasn't really listening, as the doctor had a conversation with the bloody Akane, as if there was nothing wrong with it. No, the situation didn't strike him as odd at all.  
  
He was feeling well too disturbed to muse on the concept of 'odd'.  
  
"Akane... just tried to kill herself..." Ranma finally studdered, "and you're acting like this is normal..."  
  
Tofu turned back to Ranma, almost forgetting about him, "Hmm? Oh, Akane does that quite often, you just have to be careful around her."  
  
"O-often?" Ranma chocked out, turning back to an innocent looking Akane. What the Hell did his father get him into now?  
  
Tofu chuckled at Ranma's surprise, "Believe it or not, she used to be worse! She used to be extremely depressed, on top of that. But with a couple of shiatsu points and a bit of hypnotism, she's calmed down a bit."  
  
"YOU CALL THIS CALM?!?"  
  
"Ranma, there's no need to raise your voice," Akane chided.  
  
"Well, now she's only casual about trying to kill herself, she doesn't quite go out of her way to do so, nowadays," Tofu responded, before turning a smirk to the young girl, "Though, she is pretty obstinate about it. I guess you can't fault her tenacity."  
  
"Do or die, I always say," Akane responded cheerfully.  
  
Ranma dumby nodded, finally giving up trying to understand what was going on.  
  
"We doubt we'll try the hypnotism again, didn't seem to work, really. She just became a little less constant about it. It gives everyone a little bit of a breather, though."  
  
"Ah... um, why haven't you, you know... tried to have her committed, or something?"  
  
"That's not funny, Ranma," Akane huffed, "And quit talking about me like I'm not here, you jerk!"  
  
"Well, we tried that, until she attempted to asphixiate herself by holding her breath," Tofu's eyes widened a bit in admiration, "That surprised everyone. Usually you pass out before you get to that point, but Akane just kept holding on..."  
  
"Insane, all of ya... insane," Ranma mumbled, pressing his fingers to his temples, "So everyone knows about this?"  
  
"It's been going on for years."  
  
"You guys shouldn't be so concerned about me, I can take care of myself, you know?"  
  
"Yeah, take care of yourself to put yourself six feet under!"  
  
Tofu then turned, and looked sternly at Akane, "Now, Akane, I want you to tell me the truth. Are there any other suicide plots you've initiated since last night that I don't know about?"  
  
"Nope, not a one!" Akane replied easily.  
  
"Look me in the eyes, are you telling the truth?" Tofu looked hard at Akane. It was several moments before the girl lowered her own eyes from the doctor's.  
  
"No," Akane said with a defeated tone, "No, nothing yet."  
  
Tofu smiled cheerfully, "Good! I'll tell you what, how about I drop you two off at school, so that you're not late?"  
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"Now, please try to behave yourself, Akane," Tofu chided, as he dropped the two students off near the front gate of Furinkan High.  
  
"Thanks for the ride, Dr. Tofu!" Akane cheered out, before turning to walk into the school. Ranma stared from the waving doctor, back to Akane, before shaking his head, and pursuing the girl.  
  
As they approached the school gates, Ranma noticed something rather peculiar. An army of boys were standing at the front gate; all in various sports gear and protection. At Akane and Ranma's approach, their eyes lit up, and they all turned around to look at the school building. Ranma followed their gaze, and caught movement on the third floor.  
  
"HERE HE COMES!" One of the boys shouted, still facing the school, and bracing himself for a battle.  
  
"MAKE SURE THE GIRLS GET HER INSIDE BEFORE HE GETS OUT HERE!" A boy in a soccer outfit shouted.  
  
"What the..." Ranma and Akane were rushed by a group of girls, frantically trying to ferry Akane off to the side.  
  
"Quick! He's probably not expecting the side entrance today!" one girl exclaimed.  
  
"We need to hur-" another girl started.  
  
"HE'S HERE!" As one, the army of boys rushed towards the school, and Ranma was fairly suprised, when he saw the various members of the small army suddenly get thrown about by some force that collided with them, and was cutting through them like a tornado.  
  
"KEEP KUNO AT BAY! WE STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN AKANE THROUGH THE GATES YET!" One of the girls shouted.  
  
"Whoa, Kuno looks determined, today!"  
  
"NO! IT'S TOO LATE!" Right as they were pushing through the gate, Ranma saw the army of boys completely part forcably by a young man in a kendo outfit, weilding a bokken with unbridled fury.  
  
"AKANE TENDOU! TODAY IS THE DAY YOU MEET YOUR END, DEMONESS!!!"  
  
"Good morning, Sempai!" Akane greeted, smiling at the oncoming danger. Deciding their skills were well too faulty to protect Akane, the other girls abandoned their classmate to her fate.  
  
"FEEL MY RIGHTIOUS ANGER, FOUL CREATURE FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE DARKNESS!!!" Kuno's wooden sword descended upon Akane, who smiled with a closed eye expression, as if she were oblivious to the danger she was in.  
  
::WHAM, BUMP!!!::  
  
Akane blinked, and looked down to find Ranma's arms around her, having pulled her away from the swing. She looked over her shoulder, to find her fiancee with his foot still raised in the ax kick that punted Kuno right over the school. "HEY! THIS ISN'T YOUR FIGHT!"  
  
Ranma ignored Akane's protest, and glared harshly at her, "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM?!?"  
  
"Oh, don't worry about upperclassmen Kuno, he's mostly harmless," Akane stated with a shrug, before looking down at Ranma's arms, "Um, can you let me go? We're getting wierd stares..."  
  
They were getting weird stares, but it wasn't because of their position; this new kid just did away with Kuno, the best martial artist in the school, with no more than two hits with apparent ease.  
  
"Did you see that?"  
  
"Wow, he knocked Kuno into next week!"  
  
"Man, all of us together could barely slow him down!"  
  
"Let's just hope Akane doesn't get this new guy upset with her! I don't think we would be a challenge!"  
  
"Okay," Ranma started again, after taking deep breaths to calm himself down. The breaths didn't work, "WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE, YOU FREAK?!?"  
  
"Please, you're making a scene," Akane returned with a disapproving tone, and looking around nervously to the students watching the two of them.  
  
"A SCENE?!? A *SCENE*?!? YOU JUST STOOD THERE WHILE A LUNATIC WAS ABOUT TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH! AND YOU TELL ME NOT TO CAUSE A SCENE?!? LISTEN, YOU PSYCHO-CHICK..."  
  
"Watch it with the name calling!" Akane growled, pulling the mallet from a downed Ranma's head. She suddenly realized what she was holding, and gleefully positioned it over her head, at the soft spot of her cranium...  
  
::THWAP::  
  
Ranma glared with slitted eyes at Akane, while holding the mallet's head an inch from the top of Akanes with his right hand, just before it had impacted with her, "And exactly where did you get this from?"  
  
Akane shrugged, before tossing the mallet away.  
  
From the third floor balcony, Nabiki Tendou had to admit she was impressed. She knew that Akane would more than likely make it to school alive, but most likely at the cost of Ranma, himself.  
  
"Hmm, it looks like Akane's new bodyguard may just work out, after all..." 


	3. Chapter 3

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
After being introduced to the class, Ranma was seated a bit behind Akane and off by two rows. Every so often during the teacher's lecture, he would precariously pass glances towards his fiancee. Akane was cheerfully typing away on her laptop, while being the only one in the class with one. Ranma didn't have to be a genius to realize that sharp, pointy objects like pencils and pens were a no-no with the girl. Plus, as further precaution, the laptop was a titanium Apple Notebook with battery power, so that she couldn't attempt to strangler herself with a powercord, or electicute herself by taking it apart. Akane also was the only one in the class with her very own school nurse standing guard over her; once again, nothing surprising from what he's seen about her today.  
  
Ranma dropped his head onto his desk, and then covered it with both arms. The groan from his desk attracted Akane's attention, as she turned around, and looked at him with some concern.  
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"So, you're Akane's new bodyguard?" One of the boys of his class asked during lunch.  
  
Ranma grumbled, while viciously stuffing a piece of food from his bento into his mouth. From the extremely irritated attitude, the group of boys that surrounded him took that for a 'yes'. They also had to hand it to Ranma; every other bodyguard that had been hired for the youngest Tendou daughter had had a nervous breakdown by now.  
  
"Man, I don't pity you," another boy stated, "I mean, Akane's cute and all, but rather... high maintnance, if you know what I mean." The other boys nodded in unison.  
  
"What's so cute about that psycho-chick?" Ranma growled, spraying a few bits of food, as he was still chewing when he responded. His mind started supplying the list for him involentarily.  
  
"Well, she is psychotic, alright. It's scary how she acts so cheerful, yet tries to off herself every opportunity she can get... by the way, where is Akane?"  
  
Ranma stopped the chopsticks right in his mouth, as the question's signifigance struck him. His eyes went wide.  
  
"Well, she's not on top of the belltower, this time," one boy announced, shielding his eyes as he looked up.  
  
"Nobodie's running screaming from the chem lab," another boy announced.  
  
"Hmm, my bets that she's... Ranma?" the group of boys looked around, "Where'd he go?"  
_________________  
  
Ranma wasn't accustomed to shouting such colorful streams of obscenities, in fact, he would be extremely surprised to hear what he was saying. As it was, the surpised, shocked, embarrassed, and some slightly aroused expressions of teachers and students he ran by more than made up for his lack thereof.  
  
"WHERE'S AKANE?!?!" the pigtailed boy shouted, grabbing a random girl to interrogate.  
  
The girl's hair finally relaxed from its horizontal position, before she responded with rounded eyes, "You mean, you already lost her?"  
  
"Shit!" Ranma quickly ran through the school, grabbing students, and asking the vital question. In the back of his mind, he wondered exactly why in the Hell he was bothering; if the girl was that Hellbent on offing herself, why stand in her way?  
  
Ranma ended up at the front of the school, still no sign of Akane. With despair, Ranma slumped to the ground.  
  
"Hmm, that felt way too soft to be concrete," Akane, a.k.a. 'despair', commented with a puzzled tone, as she picked herself off the ground. She then looked down on what she had landed on, and blinked, "Ranma, what are you doing down there?"  
  
"Realigning my SPINE!" Ranma gritted, before pulling his face out from the indenture it made in the concrete, and asking with saccharine sweetness, "And where, prey tell, did you just come from?"  
  
"Third floor, head first," Akane stated casually. Akane stood up, and dusted off the clean jumper the school supplied for her, so that she didn't disturb the other students, as Ranma picked himself off the ground, flexing his hands menacingly. Akane looked up at the clocktower, "Oh! Lunch is almost over! Let's go, Ranma, I have to go to the bathroom, first before we get to class."  
  
Akane walked back into the school, leaving Ranma grinding his teeth, as his hands flexed and his left eye spasmed.  
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Ranma had regained his senses enough to remember that following Akane would be the best idea to prevent Akane from falling three stories onto the top of his head again. He had been oblvious to where he was heading, until she turned around, and stopped him with her hand on his chest, and an irritated expression on her face.  
  
"And exactly WHERE do you think you're going?" Akane asked, before realizing her hand was against Ranma's chest. Blushing slightly, she pulled it away, but looked back at him with the same irritated frown.  
  
"Until we get this engagement mess cleared up, wherever you go, I go!"  
  
"But this is the girl's bathroom!" Akane whispered harshly, while pointing to the sign on the door.  
  
"Oh," Ranma replied with a subdued tone, "Well, hurry up, so we can get to class before we're late." Akane nodded, and walked in to do her business. Ranma only had to wait a minute.  
  
"NOT AGAIN!" A girl shouted from inside the bathroom.  
  
"QUICK, FLUSH, FLUSH!" Another girl screamed out, "THAT WILL DRAIN THE WATER FOR A SECOND!"  
  
"At least she picked a clean stall," a third girl stated, with more than a little concern in her voice.  
  
Ranma quickly rushed into the bathroom, and found the attention of six girls, not including Akane, looking directly at him.  
  
"EEK! A PERVERT IN THE BATHROOM!!!"  
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A black and blue bruised Ranma ran out of the bathroom, barely dodging the broom handle that missed the back of his head. He ran down the hall, until he found a water fountain, and quickly splashed himself. Ranma-chan ran back to the bathroom, to find blue-faced and smiling Akane laid out on the floor.  
  
"I'm not giving her mouth-to-mouth," one of the girls stated firmly.  
  
Ranma's left eye twitched.  
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"Yuck, toilet bowl cleaner!" Akane groused, just before gargling another mouthful of industrial strength mouthwash, "At least Mrs. Yamato is always thorough with the girl's bathroom, you could probably eat off the floor in there!" Ranma wasn't responding, instead choosing to gargle his own bottle of mouthwash... her third bottle.  
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"Come on, Ranma, I said I was sorry!" Akane whined, as Ranma continued to look forward, and ignore the girl beside her, as they walked home. The nightmare that had been Ranma's first day of school had ended, and it didn't get any better, as she was forced to demonstrate her curse to the school nurse; even forgetting to turn herself back into a guy, as her nerves were too frayed to think straight. The redhead had a few things to discuss with parental figures.  
  
"Ranma! I wasn't intending for you to get hurt, you just sort of happened in the way!"  
  
"Happened in the way?" Ranma repeated in a manic tone, "HAPPENED THAT WAY?!?" Ranma turned on the other girl with a wild expression, "WELL NEXT TIME, I'LL MAKE SURE TO LOOK UP TO AVOID ANY FALLING SUICIDEES!!!"  
  
"That's hardly fair!" Akane whimpered.  
  
"YOU WANT TO TALK 'FAIR'?" The redhead snarled, getting closer into Akane's face, "I'M ENGAGED TO A PSYCHO-CHICK THAT HAS A HAPPY-GO-LUCKY DEATH WISH! NOT ONLY THAT, I'M STUCK HAVING TO SAVE HER WHENEVER SHE GETS THE URGE TO START CHOKING DOWN TOILET WATER!!! DOES THAT SOUND FAIR TO YOU, YOU NUT-JOB?!?"  
  
Akane retracted her hand, as her eyes gleamed with tears, "Well, if that's what you think about me... I... I..." Akane sobbed, and ran from Ranma. The pigtailed girl really felt like a heel, but the feeling passed, as she had to dive to tackle Akane out of the way of a car.  
  
"WHAT. THE. HELL. IS. WRONG. WITH. YOU?!?" Ranma shouted fiercely at the girl underneigth her.  
  
"You saved me again..." Akane said with more than a little awe.  
  
Ranma baulked at Akane's expression, finding something in her chest studdering.  
  
"C-cute..." Ranma-chan thought to herself, "Ah... well, ah... it was nutt'n... really."  
  
"You really do care about me!" Akane stated, cutting Ranma off, "Thank you."  
  
"Ah..." Ranma found Akane leaning closer to her, before the redhead realized the other girl's intentions. She also then realized her state of gender, "Uh, Akane, we're both gi-"  
  
Akane cut Ranma off once again, this time with a kiss. The pigtailed girl froze, as the other girl's lips met hers, incidentally turning Ranma's brain to mush. It took several moments before it could reform itself, and assert its authority over its body. Ranma pulled back, barely escaping Akane trying to gain another kiss, "Akane?" Akane leaned forward again, forcing Ranma to lean back, almost falling flat onto the stre... she just noticed the way Akane's eyes kept surrepticiously looking to the side.  
  
Bearing down on them, was a speeding cement mixer truck, with a driver that had been thoroughly shocked to find two girls kissing in the middle of the street. Too shocked, in fact, to remember that his vehicle had breaks.  
  
Ranma-chan's eyes grew wider, as the truck grew closer, "Oh, cra-...."  
_________________  
  
"Welcome home Ranma, Akane," Kasumi greeted, "You two are a little late, but that's okay."  
  
The redheaded girl with a truck grill imprint on her face didn't respond. Instead, Ranma glowered forward, and unceremoniously dropped his chained up fiancee onto the ground.  
  
"Hey! That hurt!" Akane complained, as she writhed within her restraints.  
  
"MR. TENDOU!!!!" Ranma-chan bellowed, allowing her battle-aura to manifest.  
  
"Is there something I could do for you, Ranma my boy?" The Tendou Patrairch responded, as he walked towards the angry girl.  
  
At that point, Ranma realized it wouldn't be good to... 'discuss...' things with her host while she was this mad. She had to relief some of the anger she was feeling, she needed...  
  
"POP!!!"  
  
"What's your problem, boy?" Genma responded, unconcernadly, as he waited for Soun to return to their game. He looked up in time to find Ranma rapidly stalking towards him, while her battle aura was growing with every step.  
  
Ranma growled, as she finished with her father, before turning and stalking at a more moderate pace towards a pale-faced Soun.  
  
"About this engagement..." Ranma seethed out.  
  
"Well, ah...." Soun studdered before he was graciously saved... er... interrupted.  
  
"Daddy! Another 'job' for you," Nabiki called out from where she was holding the phone.  
  
Soun nodded to his middle daughter, and then whimpered, before turning back to Ranma, "Ah... lookslikewe'llhavetocontinuethisconversationanothertimegottarunbye!" With that, Soun quickly rushed towards the front door, not even pausing as he grabbed the black ninja mask his middle daughter was holding up for him.  
  
The redhead felt the need to scream at being blown off. She *knew* she was being evaded, that Soun was going to avoid talking to her as much as possible. Ranma felt the scream of rage building up in her throat, she needed the release, to...  
  
"POP!!!!"  
  
The mass of twisted flesh by the shogi board whimpered in agony and fear... 


	4. Chapter 4

Akane the Suicidal  
Part 4  
  
  
  
"Can you unchain me now? They're starting to chaff," Akane whined, struggling against her bonds.  
  
"No."  
  
"But I have to go to the bathroom!" Akane demanded, coming to still and looking innocently at the pigtailed boy.  
  
"You went at school."  
  
"But that was hours ago!" Akane pleaded, closing her legs tighter, as if to take off some of the pressure building.  
  
"Then hold it."  
  
"Really, you're being irrational!" Akane stated, giving an annoyed huff her bodyguard's seemingly overexaggerated precautions.  
  
"So says the human lemming."  
  
"Really Ranma," Akane griped, "Are you still on about that? It wasn't even a cliff!"  
  
"No, just three stories, head first."  
  
"Well, you been just standing around like that!" Akane retorted.  
  
"You shouldn't have been falling three stories, head first like that."  
  
"Ranma, why are you being such a jerk?"  
  
The pigtailed martial artist in question looked towards the bound girl on the living room floor from the manga he was reading, "Gee, I dunno. Lemme think, Oh yeah! There seems to be a certain psycho-chick that I somehow managed to get engaged to, trying to kill herself in the most casual manners contrived. And lo', who get stuck with playing twenty-four hour suicide watch, much to his chagrin?" Ranma snorted, and began reading his manga again, "Is there a direct relation to the current attitude of martial artist extraoridinare, Ranma Saotome, and said events?"  
  
"It's the truck, right?" Akane asked, "Well, I guess I could have warned you sooner..." Ranma's left eye twitched, but he kept reading his manga. Akane looked curiously at the boy, "How long have you had that nervous twitch?"  
  
"When's your father getting back?" Ranma asked tersely, continuing to 'read' his manga upside down, like he had for the last twenty minutes.  
  
Akane shrugged as much as she could in her bindings, "He's on a job for the local Yakuza, so there's no telling when-"  
  
"YAKUZA?!?" Ranma shouted, dropping the manga he was reading.  
  
Akane nodded, "Yup, not by his own intentions though."  
  
"Let me guess," Ranma started, through gritted teeth, "You did something like walk onto their territory, and start throwing insults?"  
  
"It seemed like a good idea, at the time," Akane replied, nonchilantly, "Hey, if you're not gonna read it, mind if I...?"  
  
"Fine, whatever, here," Ranma tossed the magazine to Akane.  
  
"Thanks!" the chipper girl replied, before realizing something, "Hey, aren't you going to free my hands?"  
  
"No," Ranma replied.  
  
"Akane, Akane, Akane," Nabiki's voice chided, as she removed her shoes at the front door, "I have to admit, that was pretty clever. Distracting both Ranma with a kiss, and the driver of the truck, who was no doubt shocked to see two young girls kissing in the middle of the street, so that neither of them realized the suicide attempt until it was almost too late. Even if Ranma hadn't pushed you out of the way at the last split second, I wouldn't have faulted him for falling for such a tactic."  
  
"Oh, it was nothing, really," Akane stated, modestly.  
  
"You mean, she PLANNED that?" Ranma screeched, before turning an infuriated glare towards the bound girl.  
  
"Well, I did mean what I said, Ranma," Akane replied, sheepishly. Ranma growled in reply, before finding the wall an interesting inanimate object to intensely glare at.  
  
"What are you doing, Ranma?" Nabiki asked, before walking behind the couch Ranma was sitting in, and staring at the same spot he was.  
  
"Waiting for your Dad to get back from his Yakuza mission, so we can have a heart to heart talk about this engagement thing."  
  
"Ah, Akane told you about that, huh?" Nabiki replied nonchilantly, "Good thing the head of this area went to school with Daddy when they were younger. Boy, was that a mess to get out of! We even got Yakuza protection, to boot!"  
  
"You take this rather calmly," Ranma told Nabiki with a half lidded stare.  
  
"Weirder things have happened here," Akane answered for her sister, "Ranma, you are going to untie me to eat, right? Then again, you don't HAVE to, for about three weeks approximately."  
  
"You're not going to starve yourself, either," Ranma replied in a stern tone, "At least not until I'm off the hook. Nabiki, she's your sister, you watch her for a while. I'm going out to the dojo and practice until Dinner's ready."  
  
Nabiki nodded to Ranma's back, before finding the manga in front of her sister, "Oh, new issue!"  
  
"Hey! I was trying to read that!" Akane griped, indignantly.  
___________________  
  
Ranma didn't really have his mind onhis training. At the moment, he was considering the girl he had met only yesterday, and her major defect. When he talked to Kasumi earlier that morning, he wasn't sure what she was talking about when she told him, "Remember, Akane really is a very nice girl, she just lacks any sense of self-preservation," but it was now highly apparent, much to his chagrin.  
  
Kasumi's warning aside, Ranma would never suspected such a cute girl to have such a weird problem. The pigtailed boy sighed, deciding to just sit down and meditate. He didn't get very far in.  
  
"Want to spar again?"  
  
"Huh, wha?" Ranma stood up, and turned, to find Akane standing near him in her gi, "Wait a sec, who in the Hell let you free?"  
  
"Kasumi," Akane replied, factually, "She couldn't stand to see me suffer."  
  
Ranma sighed, and shook his head, "Akane, I gotta ask, why *are* you trying to kill yourself?"  
  
The girl seemed to ponder it for a few seconds, before cheerfully replying, "No reason that I can fathom."  
  
"No... reason at all?" Ranma asked, picking his face off the floor.  
  
"For a martial artist, you sure are clumbsy," Akane chided, helping the boy up off the ground. Ranma paused a sec, as his eyes fell on her smile, and then gruffed, as he let go of her hand, and picked himself up the rest of the way.  
  
"Forget it, I just want to meditate for a while," Ranma announced tersely, missing Akane's slight pout.  
  
"Well, okay, I'll just work on my katas, then." The youngest Tendou daughter began her workout, while Ranma pulled himself into lotus position. Occationally, he would pause to give a quick glance towards Akane.  
___________________  
  
"That was delicious, Kasumi!" Akane chirped, after finishing off her specialized finger-foods. Ranma surmised that they would not allow her to use eating utensils.  
  
Akane asked to be excused, and announced she was going to go take a bath. As she left the room, every Tendou present turned to look at Ranma expectantly.  
  
"Huh? What you want?" Ranma asked, innocently, wondering why he was getting the sudden attention.  
  
"Akane isn't allowed to take baths alone," Nabiki informed Ranma.  
  
The pigtailed boy's eyes went wide at the implications, "Wha? Oh, oh no, uh-uh!"  
  
"It's okay, Ranma-kun," Kasumi consoled him, "You two will be married soon, after all."  
  
"No way!"  
  
"Say, Saotome, your son isn't..." Soun trailed off, glancing sideways at Ranma.  
  
"That curse isn't effecting you in other ways, is it, boy?" Genma enquired with an edge in his voice.  
  
"HEY!" Ranma shouted, preparing his defense, "It's just not right for a guy to look in on a girl like that, even if I am supposed to marry her!"  
  
"It's alright, Ranma my boy! You have my permission!" Soun beamed.  
  
"Hold on a sec, yesterday you were going to allow her to take a bath by herself!"  
  
"Oh, don't be silly, Ranma-kun," Kasumi replied, "It usually takes more than four minutes for a person to drown. We had plenty of time."  
  
"You're all weird, you know that?" Ranma replied in a monotone voice.  
  
"Nonetheless, boy, you have a duty to your fiancee! And for the sake of the name of Saotome, you are obligated to meet that duty!" Genma commanded.  
  
"You looking for another ass-whupping, Pop?" The younger Saotome growled.  
  
"Er..."  
  
"Kasumi, I'm out of clean clothes, could you lay out my best Sunday outfit, please?"  
  
When Akane left for the bathroom, all heads turned back to Ranma with expectant looks. The pigtailed boy slumped, and groaned.  
___________________  
  
Akane was just slipping into the tub, when the door opened, "Who is it?"  
  
"I ain't here to peek, alright?" A familiar female voice called out. After several sounds of things being knocked over or bumped into, and a few strings of curses, a blindfolded Ranmachan entered the furo, "Okay, now don't try anything funny while I'm in here. Like trying to drown yourself, or something!"  
  
Akane rolled her eyes at the spectacle, "You know? I was rather hoping I would be able to take a bath in private."  
  
"Hey, it wasn't my idea!" Ranma retorted, "You family put me up to this! I mean, I respect your privacy, and don't think it's right for a guy to see his fiancee... I mean another girl in the buff until they're married, I mean if we ever, I mean if *they* ever get married. So I ain't looking at ya, alright?"  
  
A couple of bubbles breaking the surface was Ranma's only reply.  
  
"Akane? Hey Akane?" Ranma heard a few more bubbles, "You better be just farting in the tub, Akane. You gonna answer me?"  
  
After a few moments of silence, Ranma called out again, "Akane?" Getting no answer for the final time, Ranma quickly removed her blindfold, and looked towards the tub, to find the water slowly swaying, with a few bubbles still breaking the surface.  
  
"Cripes!" Ranma growled out, before rushing to the tub...  
___________________  
  
"EEEK! PERVERT!"  
  
::WHAM!!!::  
  
After pausing, each member of the household shrugged, and went back to their business. 


	5. Chapter 5

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
  
Ranma whistled merrily, as she got ready for sleep. Soun hadn't gotten back yet, but the pigtailed girl decided that she could wait until the morning to get this idiotic engagement called off. She almost giggled at the thought, but decided against it, as her cheek was still throbbing from Akane's slap.  
  
Ranma sat seiza on the futon that was laid on the floor in Akane's room; another surprise they sprung on him was that she now had to sleep with Akane... strictly for engagement purposes, Nabiki and Kasumi insisted. It would be a great idea for Ranma and Akane to get to know each other better, after all.  
  
The pigtailed girl suspected something from their manic smiles, the elaborate high-fives they traded, the hyperactive dances they did, and their mumbles of finally getting a generous night's rest, but now she didn't care, since she would be getting as much sleep as they would be tonight. Yup, without having to listen to her old man snore, or have to worry about him waking her up with sneak attacks, Ranma was definitely going to enjoy this night.  
  
Ranma considered if there was anything she missed, and when she couldn't think of anything, she turned to her roommate, "You need anything, Akane?"  
  
"LET ME DOWN!"  
  
"Glass of water, a warmer blanket..."  
  
"I SAID, LET ME DOWN!"  
  
"You sure you don't want water or anything? Because I'm not going to get up again for the rest of the night," Ranma asked again, eyeing the other girl sceptically.  
  
"Come on, Ranma! These chains are cold!" Akane struggled in the bind she was in, while suspended horizontally from the ceiling by the chains Ranma had wrapped her in earlier.  
  
"Oh, okay, a blankie then! Heh, I said 'blankie'!" Ranma chortled, as she tossed another blanket onto Akane, and then haphazardly wrapped it around her.   
  
"You're... you're some sort of insane psychopath!" Akane exclaimed in a shocked whisper, as Ranma worked to make her warmer.  
  
Once Ranma finished with Akane, she patted her on the back, "Well, I hope you're comfortable up there!"  
  
"I'm not comfortable, Ranma, please just unchain me!"  
  
"I thought you went before I tucked you in?" Ranma asked with an irritated tone, before shrugging, "Oh well, it's your bed you're hovering over. Time to get some shut eye."  
  
Akane struggled against the chains holding her, "Ranma? This is inhumane!"  
  
"Goodnight, Akane," the redhead laid on her futon, and pulled the covers around her.  
  
"Ranma! I'm afraid of heights!"  
  
"Then you shouldn't have tried falling from a three story one, head first," Ranma mumbled, rolling over.  
  
"I'm not afraid of falling, just heights! Ranma, this isn't funny anymore! Ranma let me down!"  
  
"Zzzzzzz."  
  
"Ranma, I know you're not really asleep!"  
  
"Zzzzzzsnrktzzzzzz..."  
  
Akane struggled in her chains, trying to find some leverage, before sighing in fustration.  
  
"Quit it, trying to sleep," Ranma mumbled, sinking her head deeper into the pillow. Akane glared balefully at the other girl, before rolling her eyes, and holding her breath...  
  
::THUMP!::  
  
"OW!" Akane shouted, her butt jerking from the tack that had suddenly gotten lodged in it.  
  
"Don't... hold breath... like sound... your breathing..." Ranma said tiredly, as she attempted to snuggle deeper into the futon.  
  
Akane was about to retort, but stopped, and blushed. Did, did she really like the sound of her breathing? Akane turned as much as she could to look at Ranma with a contemplative expression.  
_____________________  
  
A still sleeping Akane attempted to roll over, but couldn't as her body was still constrained. It didn't bother her, though, just as the four tacks sticking out of her butt from where Ranma had apparently left unchained on purpose had not.  
  
Her red-headed tormentor slept the sleep of angels, sprawled out on her futon, after kicking the covers off of herself when she had gotten too warm during the night. Her tranquil slumber was disturbed, as a refreshing bucket of water landed on her face.  
  
"PPPHHHTTT, HEY!"  
  
"You two are running a bit late this morning," Nabiki chided, holding the bucket over her shoulder.  
  
"Huh? Wha?" Akane's eyes fluttered open, as she strained to turn to see her alarm clock, "YOU JERK! YOU FORGOT TO SET THE ALARM!"  
  
"better hurry, Kasumi has your stuff ready for you already," With that, an extremely chipper Nabiki left the room; her voice drifted from the hallway, as she started to descend the stairs, "Oh, what a lovely night's sleep! Ranma-kun, you're a godsend!"  
  
"HURRY UP AND LET ME DOWN!" Akane demanded, "Oh! Is my uniform ready? I still have to get my homework together!"  
  
A soaked Ranma-chan grumbled, as she stumbled over to Akane, and unlocked the combination lock after several tries, finally freeing her fiancee, and causing her to plummet onto her bed.  
  
"Ow! That hurt!" Akane whined, picking out a couple of the tacks stuck in her butt through her pajamas. Ranma ignored her, and stumbled about the room to get ready, herself.  
_____________________  
  
"Great! No'w we're going to be so late!" Akane whined, racing from the Tendou home, with Ranma running close behind her. The pigtailed boy was rather irritated that he didn't get his chance to talk with Mr. Tendou, but he thought, as long as he could just keep a sharp eye on Akane, he'll be able to do it after school.  
  
Akane looked up to the fence, and then back to Ranma, "Come on, we're going to take the shortcut!" With that, she leaped onto the fence, and then onto the nearest roof.  
  
Ranma blinked, "Hey, she's not half-bad!" He quickly lept to follow her, and quickly caught up, just as Akane was jumping down from a roof. imagine his surprise, to find Akane in the midst of a bellyflop, right onto the display mattress for Bijan's Nailbed Emporium.  
  
"Cripes!" Ranma quickly grabbed the edge of the roof, flipped over so his feet were pressed against the overhang, then pushed off. He hit the ground, running, and caught Akane, just before she succeeded. Unfortunately, he tripped over the nail mattress, and tumbled Akane forward. Akane braced herself on her left hand, and sprung back to her feet before her fall became an issue, while Ranma was holding two nails of the bed between each of his index and forefingers; staring nervously at the nail just three inches from his nose.  
  
"Hurry up!" Akane shouted, as she took off onto a nearby stone wall, and into the yard beyond it. Ranma caught up by jumping onto a fence near him, and then onto the Nerima Archer's Club sign nearby.  
  
"Quit playing around, Ranma," Akane griped, as she ran through the field, as fast as she could, unheeding of the lethal barrage issued forth by longbow hobbyists. Ranma sighed in relief, at least this wasn't any worse than his training..  
  
Both Akane and Ranma jumped into the next yard, right into a circle of rotweilers and pit bulls. Akane used one of the rather menacing looking dogs as a springboard over the next fence, while Ranma whimpered, and attempted to leap completely over the now furious animal. unfortunately, he didn't anticipate the one that managed to snag his foot in its mouth, and arrest his jump...  
_____________________  
  
Akane looked back, just in time to see Ranma jump from the next roof into the open field. She rolled her eyes at the state of his school uniform, but pressed forward, not intentionally missing the buzzsaw that flew just a scant few inches from her chest.  
  
Ranma frantically dodged the flying buzzsaws, wildly looking in the direction they were coming from. Much to his chagrin, he found the guilty party, standing right in front of a sign reading 'XTreme Sports Buzzsaw Frizbiee Golf...  
_____________________  
  
"AKANE PREPARE TO DIE!"  
  
Akane stopped, surprised that Kuno would wait up for her when she was running so late, "really, sepai, you didn't have to wait for me!"  
  
A ragged looking Ranma landed in the school yard, and was a blur, as he rushed towards Akane and Kuno. Before the blade could connect with the inflinching girl, Ranma pulled Akane to the side. The pigtailed boy had to gulp, as he watch the concrete get pulverized where Akane had been standing, and then instantly ducked, pulling Akane with him has the bokken blade slashed over their heads.  
  
"STAND STILL YOU FEINDISH CREATURE, AND ACCEPT YOUR DIRE FATE!" Kuno's frantic slashing became just as much a blur as Ranma was to defend against it. The pigtailed boy actually found himself pressed to evade he attacks, while keeping Akane from harm, just narrowly.  
  
"WOULD YOU JUST CUT IT OUT!" Ranma screamed at the top of his lungs, kicking away another vicious slash aimed for Akane's neck.  
  
"Honestly, Ranma, we're late as it is," The raven-haired girl attempted to walk around both fighters, forcing Ranma into an ackward position to defend her. he caught the slash in his shoulder, and gritted his teeth, while pulling Akane back behind him.  
  
At the sound of pain from someone other than Akane, Kuno paused, "Hmm? And who might you be? Perhaps another poor lout that has been bewitched by this temptress into providing her safety with thine own flesh?"  
  
"I'm definitely the poor lout you refer to," Ranma replied in a miserable tone, while working to keep an irritated Akane behind him.  
  
"Then my condolences," Kuno replied, sincerely, "ALLOW ME TO FREE YOUR TORTURED SOUL!" He stabbed to the side of Ranma, just where Akane's head had been peeking out. Ranma quickly pulled the girl to the other side of him, spinning against the blade to parry it. he then planted his hand on top of Akane's head, forcing her to bend down, and then vaulted over her, swinging both feet from the side to plant them right in Kuno's face.  
  
Once Ranma landed from his double kick, Ranma smirked at his small victory. The smirk fell from his face, after Akane's hand wacked him upside the head. "Jerk! We're late enough as it is! Did you really have to mess around with Kuno?" Sighing in exasperation, Akane grabbed Ranma's wrist, and quickly pulled him into the school.  
  
"My grievence is not with you, my misguided knaive," Kuno stated dryly, before falling back with two definable foot prints on his face... 


	6. Chapter 6

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
"This is all your fault, you know?"  
  
Ranma wasn't goig to dignify that with a response.  
  
The raven-haired girl shifted in her step, while trying to get as comfortable as possible with the two buckets of water she's carrying, "Honestly, why did you have to mess with Kuno? We had almost made it!"  
  
Ranma decided to change the subject, before he became the instrument of Akane's demise. With a tight voice, Ranma enquired, "Tell me, what in the world did you do to piss that guy off so much?"  
  
Akane blinked, and then turned to look forward, "I'm not too sure. He used to always bug me a while ago about dating him. At first I was flattered, until he started getting pushy."  
  
"This almost sounds normal," Ranma commented.  
  
Akane continued, "He was always going on about me being his tigress or something, and that we were meant to be together." Akane chuckled to herself, "Geez, am I glad all boys aren't like that!" Akane turned to Ranma, before sobering up at his rather unamused expression, "Anyways, I said 'why not? I'll give him one date. Hopefully that would at least shut him up. My Dad and sisters were extatic about it, and Kuno got the usual speech from Daddy about making sure his little girl is safe from harm... or else, I wish he wasn't so overprotective..."  
  
Ranma's face twitched.  
  
"Well, me and Kuno went out once, and ever since, he's been trying to kill me." Ranma waited for the punchline; obviously something was missing from the equation.  
  
"That doesn't explain why he's after your head, Akane..."  
  
The girl shrugged, "He keeps saying I was trying to kill him, so he's got it in his head that he needs to get me before I get him. The guy is totally paranoid!"  
  
"Do tell," Ranma responded with a half-lidded stare, "And how many attempts did he get in the way of?"  
  
"Well, there was the puddle of water with a downed powerline laying in it that he just *had* to lay his coat across for me to step on," Akane grumbled in irritation, "Then there was the bus, I told him to look both ways before following me. Oh, and also the metal shavings in the pizza, and the..."  
  
"Enough, enough," Ranma interrupted, wanting to rub his forehead in irritation, but finding the buckets in the way, "Really... there has to be a reason to all this, no one just up and attempts to off themselves at any concievableGET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THAT BUCKET!"  
  
"silence, Saotome," The teacher's voice called out from inside the classroom, "And Akane, remove your head from the bucket, before I am forced to assign you detention."  
  
"*Cough* sorry, teacher," Akane replied sheepishly.  
  
Ranma mocked-repeated Akane, before blowing out a puff of air in disgust, "Psycho chick."  
  
"Why are you always calling me names?" Akane asked, turning to look at Ranma with an upset expression. Ranma turned, and opened his mouth to retort, right before seeing how upset the girl seemed at the comment.  
  
The pigtailed boy turned away, "Akane, why can't you just act normal?"  
  
Akane turned and looked to her other side, before facing forward again, "We may just have to save that question for some other time."  
  
"What'dyou-" Ranma turned into a thrust kick, which stopped the bokkenblade just an inch from Akane's head, and then snapped his foot into the owner's face.  
  
"I see the hold this foul demoness maintains over you is strong," Kuno stated calmly, albiet muffled from the bottom of Ranma's sole.  
  
"I'm already being punished enough as it is by association," Ranma said in a tired tone, "Would you mind saving it for somewhere when we won't cause heavy damage via your thick head?"  
  
"Destruction of the property of athis fair establishment is far from my intention," Kuno stated, after pulling back from Ranma's foot, "But I would think thou woulds't stand aside, and allow me to free you from your Hellish engagement to Akane Tendou.  
  
"ENGAGEMENT?!?"  
  
"Oh man, my condolences, Saotome."  
  
"Geez, a widower, and he ain't even out of highschool yet!"  
  
"Hey! He isn't even married to Akane yet!"  
  
"Yeah, she isn't even dead yet!"  
  
"IT WAS OUR PARENT'S IDEA!" Akane challenged, adimantly. Ranma moaned, as he continued to slam his head into the wall repeatedly.  
  
The action didn't go unnoticed by Kuno, "Pardon me, Saotome, are you Jewish?"  
  
Ranma looked up, and blinked at the question. Ranma then sighed, "Look, Kuno, I'll tell you what, you beat me in a fight, I'll let you do whatever you want with Akane, deal?"  
  
Akane began to fume indignatly, "I'm not some sort of prize, you know?"  
  
"Very well, Saotome. Though the dark sorceress's magics continue to blind you, you retain your honor. Lead the path, my good man."  
  
Ranma walked down the hall, and turned to look out a window, "Here' we'll exit here!"  
  
Kuno approached the window, and looked out with a bit of concern, "It appears that Akane has affected your rational of survival. We are on the third floooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrr-"  
  
Ranma shut the window, not even hearing the splash from the pool outside. He calmly returned to the two buckets waiting for him, picked them up, and resumed his punishment. Suddenly, Ranma felt like whistling.  
  
The entire class, including Akane, looked upon their newest student nervously.  
_____________________  
  
"Hello, Mr. Tendou," Ranma started, kicking his father into the pond outside, and then sitting at the place he had just inhabited in front of the shougi table.  
  
Soun looked nervously at the panda, who decided that it suddenly would be enjoyable to play with this here old tire, than resume his game with its training partner.  
  
"Ah, R-Ranma," Soun gulped, "Is there something I can do for you?"  
  
"Yup! There sure is!" Ranma smiled a cheerful smile, before his face went stone serious, "You see? This engagement with the dead-girl-walking, I think it would be within everyone's best intrests if you called it off."  
  
Soun straightened up, "Now why would I want to do a thing like that?"  
  
"Because you don't want to die?" Ranma asked cheerfully, before his face returned to stone seriousness.  
  
Soun's own expression grew serious, "Are you threatening me?"  
  
Ranma seemed to ponder the thought for a moment, "why yes, yes I am. Sorry if there was any confusion there."  
  
"Y-y-y...." Ranma rolled his eyes, as it looked like his potential (if temporary) father-in-law was about to burst into another crying fit.  
  
"Please, Mr. Tendou, don't make me search you for a spine, I can promise it wouldn't be pleasant."  
  
Soun sobered up, "Ah... well I'm afraid that Kasumi and Nabiki are unavailable."  
  
Ranma tilted his head, and asked more out of curiosity than any concern, "how so?"  
  
"Ah, Kasumi is seeing that nice doctor that you took Akane to yesterday."  
  
"And Nabiki?"  
  
"She's... ah... seeing someone too."  
  
"Oh," Ranma replied, "Anyway, call the engagement off."  
  
"Well, Ranma, you see..."  
  
"Father, telephone!"  
  
"ThankyouKasumiI'msorryRanmabutwe'llhavetocontinuethisatanothertime..."  
  
Ranma blinked, and realized he was staring at an empty spot, before groaning in fustration.  
_____________________  
  
"You know? This gets pretty comfortable, after a while," Akane stated, still chained upside down. She turned to find Ranma entering her room, looking downcrested, "Still no luck, huh?"  
  
Ranma gave her a withering glance, before sitting down in the deskchair.  
  
Akane frowned, "Would it really be that bad to be married to me?"  
  
"Let's just say the idea of attempting to spend the rest of my life with someone who turns suicide watch into a contact sport doesn't exactly have its appeal.  
  
"Well, our fathers would be pretty happy if we did end up together."  
  
Ranma looked up, and studied Akane for several moments, noting that the girl didn't even sound adverse to the idea, before shaking his head, and looking to the window, "Like I care what my Pops has to say about this."  
  
"What about your mother? I bet she would be happy to see you married."  
  
Ranma once again looked at Akane, "You know? I never really thought much about my Mom. I haven't even seen her since me and Pops left home ten years ago."  
  
"That's sad," Akane stated, somberly, "Our mother died when I was about seven."  
  
"I'm sorry to hear that." Ranma apologised, genuinely. The pigtailed boy began to muse in that line of thought, "Say, all this wouldn't have anything to do with that, would it?"  
  
"I don't think so," akane replied, furrowing her brow in concertation, "Anyway, are you going to let me down? I have to do my homework!"  
  
"Fine, fine," Ranma pulled out Akane's lap top, and then got a chair to get Akane down. As he did this, Akane wondered about the boy that was going through so much trouble for her. She wasn't blind to how irritated he was with her, yet he remained somewhat courteous, nice at times even. Akane decided that she needed to do something to repay his kindness, and considered several ways to do so... 


	7. Chapter 7

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
  
Soun yawned, as he walked into his youngest daughter's room to check up on her and her fiancee. He hadn't been expecting to find Akane stirring, while bound and hanging horizontally from the ceiling, but he wasn't for some reason surprised.  
  
"Good morning, Akane," He looked around, not finding the other resident of the room, "Where's Ranma?"  
  
Akane blinked her eyes fully open, and attempted to look towards her father, as much as her constraints would allow her, "Good morning, Daddy. He's probably in the dojo doing his morning workout. I guess he let me sleep in." Akane shrugged as much as her constraints would allow her, "That was rather thoughtful of him. I really haven't been getting as much sleep, lately."  
  
Soun chuckled, as he turned to leave the room, "Well, it's nice to know you two are getting along so well. For a moment, I was afraid the two of you would oppose the engagement."  
  
"I'm still not comfortable with having my fiancee picked for me, Daddy," Akane chastized.  
  
Soun turned back around fully to face his youngest, "Maybe so, but it seems you two are enjoying the exploration of your relationship, your mother liked to be hung from the ceiling too, you know? But between you and me, you may want to be quiet about this. I don't have a problem with it, but I think Kasumi may not approve."  
  
"DADDY!!!" Akane baulked at what her father was implying, "IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!" Akane paused, and fully took in what her father had said about their own 'marital games', and shouted even louder, "TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!"  
  
"Okay, okay, can't a father tease his little girl once in a while?" Soun placated, with a large grin. He saw why Nabiki enjoyed that so much, it was rather easy to get Akane's goat.  
  
Akane's blush toned down, as her father reminded her of something, "Dad, do you know if Mrs. Saotome is still alive?"  
  
Her father's grin faded, as he began to muse on that, "Hmm, I'm not quite sure."  
  
Akane spoke up before he broke into a crying fit over his own deceased wife, "What was her first name?"  
  
"Hmm... No... Nodoka, yes, I believe that's what it was."  
  
"Do you know where she would live?" Akane asked.  
  
"You're certainly full of questions this morning!" Soun stated with a chuckle, "Planning on presenting yourself to his mother? Oh, you make me so proud of you, daughter!"  
  
"It's nothing like that," akane replied in a subdued tone, "It's just that... well, Ranma hasn't seen his mother since he had left home. I feel sorry for him."  
  
"I see," Soun stated, "Well, if you like, I can ask Saotome of her wherabouts, but last I recall, she was living in nearby Oizumi area."  
  
"Thanks, Dad." Akane replied, "And can you keep this a secret? I want to surprise Ranma."  
  
Soun nodded, "Well, I can't be positive that my information is completely accurate, but if you want to try by what I've given you, I won't ask Genma or tell Ranma." Akane nodded in gratitude.  
______________________  
  
"I see you're up, sleepyhead!" Ranma replied cheerfully, after coming back into the room from pounding his father into unconciousness. That, coupled with the fact that Akane was still breathing was making this the start of a great day.  
  
"Morning, Ranma," Akane replied, "Can you let me down, now? My arms are still asleep."  
  
"If I do, will you promise me to stop trying to kill yourself?"  
  
Akane stared flatly at Ranma, "Ranma, I don't make promises I can't keep..."  
  
The pigtailed boy shrugged, "Someone will let you down eventually, I guess." Ranma turned to leave, before gritting his teeth, turning around, picking up a tack from Akane's desk, and launching it at her butt.  
  
Akane was forced to expell the air she was holding, "Ow!"  
  
with slight resignation, Ranma, thought a bit, before thinking of a compimise. "Akane, this was starting out to be a great day, so let's make this deal. How about you don't try to kill yourself for the day, and I'll let you down? On your word as a martial artist?"  
  
Akane thought on that, herself, before answering, "That sounds reasonable."  
  
"What do you know about 'reasonable', Psycho chick..." Ranma mumbled to himself, as he let Akane down. Akane pointadly ignored the barb, grateful to finally be taken down from the height she was at.  
______________________  
  
Kasumi blinked, as she saw Ranma sitting in front of the television, with no Akane in sight, "Um, Ranma-kun..."  
  
"Yeah, Kasumi?" Ranma replied, not turning away from the TV.  
  
"I'm a bit curious, but where's Akane?" Ranma shrugged in responce.  
  
"She could be anywhere, for all I know..."  
  
Kasumi grew a bit nervous, "Um, shouldn't you be with her?"  
  
"Na, I trust her," Ranma replied confidently.  
  
Kasumi's nervousness grew, "Oh my, um... so you don't believe my little sister hasn't put her life in jeapordy?"  
  
"Pretty sure she hasn't yeah."  
  
Kasumi paled, "Well, if you're sure..." She left the living room, shaking. She headed for the cabinet in the hallway, and pulled out a package containing all the necessary requirements to arrange for Akane's funeral.  
______________________  
  
"[Hello?]" greeted the voice at the other end.  
  
Akane hesistated for a moment, "Um, is this Mrs. Saotome?"  
  
"[Yes, that is whom you are speaking to. May I ask who this is?]"  
  
"Nodoka Saotome?"  
  
The woman at the other end paused, "[Yes, who are you?]"  
  
Akane sidestepped the question again, knowing if the woman is the right one, she may ruin Akane's surprise prematurely by attempting to contact her father for the wherabouts of her fiancee, "Mother of Ranma Saotome?"  
  
"[YOU KNOW MY SON?]" The woman shouted, causing Akane to pull the phone away from her ear, "[Can you tell me where my darling child is?]"  
  
Akane smiled; after sixteen calls, she finally hit the jackpot, "i think this would be best if we discussed this in person, Mrs. Saotome..."  
______________________  
  
"You..." Nabiki rubbed her temples in disbelief, before trying again, "You just let her alone for the day...?"  
  
Ranma nodded calmly, as if he didn't see the problem with this.  
  
Nabiki closed her eyes, as Kasumi tossed her hands into the air, "I guess I can't blame Ranma for being driven insane, he tried to last too long with her."  
  
Kasumi bowed her head in shame, "Forgive us, Akane, we didn't realize Ranma became a loony until it was too late."  
  
Hey, come on!" Ranma interjected, slightly irritated at Kasumi's remark, "She gave her word as a martial artist!"  
  
"Oh! She gave her word?" Soun piped in from his intense crying fit. He was almost instantly out of the shallow puddle he had created around him, and at Ranma's side, with his arm around the young man, "Well now, things aren't so bad, after all!"  
  
"DAD!" Both daughters shouted in unison, but Soun raised his hand in forestallment.  
  
"Now girls, if there's one thing your sister does believe in..."  
  
"It wouldn't be the sanctity of life..." Ranma mumbled.  
  
The Tendou Patriarch gave him a withering glance, before continuing, "it's her honor as a martial artist. I don't think we have anything to worry about." Somehow, the girls didn't find this comforting...  
______________________  
  
Akane sat across from the matronly woman, who had more than a little bit of hope in her eyes that made Akane a bit more than nervous.  
  
"Oh! My Son's still alive!" The woman virtually beamed at the thought of what the girl in front of her had told her.  
  
"Ah, yeah," Akane interjected, "I don't know why Un... Mr. Saotome hadn't contacted you about it."  
  
"I'm guessing he wants to make absolutely sure that my son's completely manly before having him meet me. Genma was always so thorough," Nodoka replied, whistfully.  
  
Akane looked up from her tea, "Pardon?"  
  
Nodoka straightened her kimono out, "Well, before I allowed Genma to take my son on that training trip, I extracted a promise from him," Nodoka stood up, and approached the mantle, where the Saotome family sword sat. at the base of it's stand, she retrieved a roll. She walked back to where Akane was seated, and handed it to her. The youngest Tendou looked at it for a second, before opening it.  
  
"He promised, as well as my son, that if Ranma did not return a man among men, they would commit ritual Seppuku..."  
  
Akane froze, with her face paling, as she stared at the contract. In wide eyed shock, she looked back up to Mrs. Saotome. This wasn't good, she didn't mean for her little surprise to backfire like this, unfortunately, she was backed into a corner.  
  
"Now," Nodoka started, with slightly more seriousness than before, "Would you tell me the location of my son?" Nodoka blinked, as she remembered something, "Oh, and my husband, too."  
  
Akane gulped, and layed the contract onto the coffee table, she would have to do some explaining now, "Ah... before that... I think I should tell you about Jusenkyo... Mom..."  
______________________  
  
Ranma paused in his afternoon workout, "Hmm, Akane's been gone for a while..." Ranma just shrugged, and went back to his kata. 


	8. Chapter 8

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
Kasumi attempted four times, before her fingers were able to grasp the ringing phone. She picked it up almost nervelessly, and waited until she could gain her composure before speaking.  
  
"Tendou residence."  
  
"[Kasumi? What's wrong?]"  
  
Akane's concerned voice at the way Kasumi's was trembling sent Kasumi straight into elation, "AKANE! WHERE? I MEAN, YOU'RE ALIVE!"  
  
"[Um, could you not shout into the phone, please?]" Akane asked, "[Just thought I'd check in. I know how you guys worry about me.]"  
  
"Ah..." Kasumi calmed herself down, "Where are you?"  
  
"[Don't worry, I'm okay,]" Akane answered instead, immidiately setting Kasumi back on edge. Nabiki passed by, looking down herself, and the elder sister flagged her, mouthing 'Akane'. Nabiki's eyes went wide, as she quickly ran to the side of her older sister.  
  
"That's good to hear, but where are you?"  
  
"[I'm doing something for... Ranma.]" Ranma's name was said in a whisper  
  
"What are you doing for Ranma?" Kasumi enquired, turning to Nabiki, who could only shrug.  
  
"I can't tell you, I want it to be a surprise!]" Akane paused for a moment, "[So if you can, please keep him from looking for me!]"  
  
"Well, if I am able to do that, I'm going to need to know exactly where you are," Kasumi stated, factually.  
  
"[Huh]"  
  
Kasumi sighed, as if having to explain the obvious, "How am I to keep Ranma from looking for you in the location you're at, if I don't know where to keep him from looking at?" Nabiki stared at her elder sister with an incredulous expression.  
  
"[Ah, Kasumi, have you been in the 'special tea' again?]"  
  
"I'm sorry, Akane, but if I don't know where you're at, then I can't stop Ranma from going out and looking for you. Oh my, I hope that doesn't ruin the surprise!" Kasumi asked, innocently.  
__________________  
  
Akane blinked, and rolled her eyes. If she wanted Kasumi's cooperation, she guessed she would have to comply. After all, it wasn't like she bothered to cover her tracks, and Ranma may be an exellent tracker, especially since he's had to rough it for a good portion of his life.  
  
"Alright, alright, here's the address..."  
__________________  
  
Kasumi continued to nod, as she jotted down the address, "Okay, I'll try my best to make sure he doesn't try to find you there, have fun with Ranma's surprise!" With that, Kasumi hung up the phone.  
  
"I can't believe you got Akane to fall for that," Nabiki stated flatly. Kasumi ignored her, and rushed to the living room, where Ranma was reading a manga on the floor.  
  
"Ranma, I'm afraid Akane's about to do something again..."  
  
Ranma rolled over, and looked towards the older girl, "What make you say that?"  
  
"Just humor me, alright?" Kasumi asked with a half lidded stare, "She also wanted me to keep you from finding her at the address on this paper, and I won't let you have it under-"  
  
::WHOOSH::  
  
"Hey! Why's Akane all the way out there?" Ranma asked, reading the paper, while slipping his shoes on at the front door.  
  
'-any circumstances." Kasumi finished with a slight smirk. Nabiki had to silently applaud.  
__________________  
  
"Ow!"  
  
"Hold still, so I can make sure this fits properly!" Nodoka commanded.  
  
Akane looked down at the white ceremonial kimono Nodoka was fitting her with, "Um, Mrs. Saotome..."  
  
"Please, call me mother! It's been so long since I've been called that," Nodoka asked, smiling.  
  
"Right," Akane replied, "Mother, is all this really necessary?"  
  
"Oh yes! I want everything to be perfect!" Nodoka stated, "Family honor is at stake here!" The matronly woman pulled back, and studied the young girl, "Oh! I'm so proud! My son may be afflicted with a terrible curse, but he shall prove himself to be a man at the cerimony!"  
  
Akane nodded, and continued to face forward.  
__________________  
  
"Take a left?" Ranma asked the subway booth attendant.  
  
"Yeah, and then head straight for about twenty meters. The train for Oizumi boards in about ten minutes."  
  
"Thanks." Ranma rushed off, wanting to get this done with.  
__________________  
  
Nodoka laid out the cup of sake and the washi paper, "Sorry that took so long, I forgot where I had put the paper!"  
  
"That's okay, Mom," Akane was starting to become comfortable with calling the older lady that. Akane picked up the cup of sake, and as Nodoka instructed, drank it all in two gulps. "Eck! How does Dad drink this stuff?"  
__________________  
  
Ranma swore once again, irritated at the fact that the streets were not marked. Fortunately, a pedestrian out on a evening stroll.  
  
"Excuse me, miss, but I'm looking for this address," Ranma handed the woman the piece of paper, and waited for her response.  
  
"Oh! This is Nodoka-chan's house!" The elderly woman replied, "She's such a lovely lady. But she's been alone for quite some time, ever since-"  
  
"Ah, where does she live?" Ranma interrupted, not really wanting to hear a story. He was also agitated that Kasumi tricked him into going out after Akane, when all she was doing was visiting some old lady.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were in such a hurry," the woman replied, her voice had a touch of irritation in it from Ranma's impudence, "She lives two blocks down, take a left, and she's in the fourth house on the right side of the street."  
  
"Thanks!" Ranma ran down the street.  
__________________  
  
Akane finished writing on the washi paper with the ink, "Finished!"  
  
Nodoka nodded in approval, as she stood over Akane. They both ignored the knocking at the front door, not wanting to interrupt things.  
__________________  
  
"This is the place alright," Ranma mumbled, still extremely irritated at being splashed by some old lady watering her sidewalk at night, weren't they supposed to do things like that during the morning? "But it doesn't look like anyone's home..." Ranma shrugged, and as he was about to leave, voices in the back caught his attention.  
  
The pigtailed martial artist leapt over the house, and found a small dojo in the back. She walked up to the open door, and the scene before her hit her rather abruptly; really, Akane with her own rather specialized issues, wearing a while ceremonial kimono, which was drapped down on her left shoulder, holding a blade to her stomach, while an older lady stood ready, with a sword raised... "Aw, Cripes!"  
  
Akane immidiately turned to the sound of Ranma's voice, her own eyes wide at Ranma's presence. Nodoka jolted, causing her to drop the Saotome family katana towards Akane's head.  
  
Akane's head snapped back, as Ranma's powerslide kicked the tanto from her hand, and snagged the raven-haired girl back in her arms, carrying her with Ranma in the slide, and out of the way of the falling sword.  
  
"JUST WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, LADY!" Ranma screeched, turning on the older woman.  
  
"Ow! Did you really have to maul my chest like that?" Akane asked, rubbing her sore left breast, which Ranma had grabbed on when pulling the other girl away from the sword.  
  
Nodoka baulked, but then began to become indignant, "Young lady, you're interfering with a family affair!"  
  
"So this is family to you?" Ranma turned and asked a rather sheepish looking Akane with a flat voice, "I guess insanity runs in the family."  
  
"That is no way to talk about me and my son!" The woman went to retrieve the sword, sticking out of the wood floor, just in front of something red and something black laying on the ground. She then held it menacingly, as if to threaten the redheaded interloper.  
  
"Son?" Ranma asked, incredulously, while looking back at Akane, "Lady, you're as loony as a toon, you know that?"  
  
Nodoka started to become beet red, before she blinked, and a brilliant smile appeared on her face, "Oh, I see!" It was noticable how her mood completely changed, as her eyes began to sparkle in pride.  
  
"Uh, you see what?" Ranma asked, nervously, finding the moodswings of the obviously, to her, insane woman a bit unsettling.  
  
"I was so mistaken! My son is truly manly!" Nodoka enamored, "To have such a cute girlfriend risk her own life to ensure his!"  
  
"HEY! I'M A-!"  
  
"Ah, Ranma?" Akane attempted to interject, while pointing to the redhead's chest. Ranma blinked at the interruption, and then looked down at herself, "Uh..."  
  
Within an instant, Nodoka was squeezing the breath from Akane's lungs, "Oh Ranma! You truly are a man among men! Your father honored the contract, even with your curse you're still able to prove your manliness!"  
  
"Well... she is a bit of a tomboy..." Ranma mused, before realizing something, "Waitaminite... Why are you calling Akane me?"  
  
"Akane?" Nodoka blinked, looking at the nervously sweating girl in her arms, "This is my son, Ranma. You see, he's afflicted with a terrible curse..."  
  
"Hold... hold on a sec..." Ranma produced a kettle of hot water from somewheres, but before emptying it over her head, "You have a son named Ranma?"  
  
Nodoka nodded.  
  
"Would your family name happen to be... Saotome...?" Ranma-chan asked with more than a little trepidation.  
  
Nodoka nodded in affirmation, wondering where the girl was leading to.  
  
"What's your husband's name?" The expression of longing didn't escape Akane or Nodoka's eyes. Nodoka nodded slowly.  
  
The now empty kettle clattered to the floor, "Mom?" 


	9. Chapter 9

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
"Would you stop looking at me like that, it's making me nervous!" Akane asked, wilting slightly under Ranma's gaze, as the pigtailed boy glared at her over his cup of tea.  
  
"Well, I'm glad that was all cleared up before it became unpleasant," Nodoka stated, while reading over Akane's death poem, "I have to say, Akane-chan, you have a talent for writing these!"  
  
Ranma turned slowly to look at his mother, it didn't take him long to realize that the crazy woman was his father's wife. He had to find humor in the irony of that, as he returned to glaring at Akane.  
  
"Tell your son to stop it!" Akane pleaded to the older lady.  
  
"Ranma, it's not polite to stare," Nodoka chided.  
  
"But I want to stare," Ranma countered, not bothering to turn away from Akane, "I want her to know how irritated I am with her. I want her to know that I don't find any pleasure in the concept that my mother believed her son wore panties, bras, and make-up..."   
  
  
"Oh, but that's all been cleared up, hasn't it!" Nodoka placated, "I know that my son doesn't so such unmanly things, even when in his cursed form..." Nodoka paused for a moment, "Although, I would overlook the bra, your other form is a bit... healthy?"  
  
Ranma blinked, and turned back to his mother, "Oh, and before I forget, I did ask you to remind me to kill your husband later for making that pact with you, right?"  
  
"That wouldn't be very manly to murder your father," Nodoka replied with a disapproving tone, "And you have asked me three times now for that reminder, I'll add."  
  
"What if I shouted 'defend yourself' right before I beat him to death?" Ranma asked, way too cheerfully.  
  
Nodoka mused on that, before nodding, "Well, I suppose that would not be a problem," the Saotome matriarch replied, before taking a sip from her tea. Ranma nodded, before taking another sip, himself. Nodoka put her cup down, and folded her hands in front of her, "Now, Akane, I thank you deeply for reuniting me with my dear son, I know Genma would have procrastinated."  
  
"You're welcome," the youngest Tendou replied with a smile.  
  
"But, I will ask, I understand that my son's manliness must have possessed you to take his place, but I must question your wisdom."  
  
"I'll answer that, Mom," Ranma interjected, "She's loony."  
  
"RANMA!"  
  
The pigtailed boy turned to glare at Akane, silencing her after her outburst, before turning back to his mother.  
  
"That really wasn't a nice thing to say." Nodoka replied, at least to quell the girl somewhat.  
  
"No, I'm pretty sure it wasn't," Ranma replied factually, as if he didn't care Akane was in the room or not.  
  
Akane started to become indignant, "I don't have to sit here and take this!"  
  
"I'll tie you down where you sit, if you even so much as twitch," Ranma growled.  
  
"It sounds as if you two have some relationship problems," Nodoka stated in attempted levity. She started, when Ranma's glare turned to her.  
  
"Problems?" Ranma asked in mock incredulousness, "I don't see any problems! Oh no! I have no problems with being suckered into being the involintary lifeline to a walking death urge!" Ranma put his cup down in front of him, and folded his linked his fingers together over the table, leaning forward, "You know? It's actually pretty interesting the ways you can commit suicide when you seem to be pressed for time!" He said in a jovial conversational tone.  
  
Nodoka's eyes went wide, "Suicide? Akane! Why would you want to do a thing like that?"  
  
Akane just shrugged, as she took a sip from her tea, before replying, "Force of habit."  
  
Akane turned, and watched Ranma innocently, as he leaned towards her, his arms extended to the girl, while his fingers twitched for the sensation of squeezing the breath from her throat. With an intense enforcement of will, Ranma slowly sat himself down, and with shaky hands, picked up his tea.  
  
"No... I will not give in. She wants me to do it. I am the one in control," Ranma muttered to himself, raising his tea to his mouth.  
  
Akane's face grew slightly dissappointed, and then irritated, "Hmph, sometimes, you just talk big, Ranma." Ranma's hands crushed through the teacup. His cracked smile was as far as his responce got.  
  
"They make such an interesting couple," Nodoka thought to herself with a smile, "I was wondering, you two," Ranma's mother paused, and waited until she had their full attention. She turned a beaming smile to Ranma, "Oh, how happy I am to be reunited with my son, and I've been rather lonely since you and your father had left so long ago. I was hoping that you would at least stay the night? It is getting rather late, after all."  
  
Akane spoke up, "Thanks for the offer, but we have school tomorrow." Ranma groaned at the reminder.  
  
"I understand, an education is rather important," Nodoka replied, "But, you will come back and visit tomorrow?"  
  
"How about you come visit us?" Akane countered, "I'm sure Mr. Saotome misses you, and dad would like to see you again!"  
  
"Oh, that sounds like a wonderful idea!" Mrs. Saotome chirped, "I wouldn't mind seeing how your two sisters have grown!"  
  
Ranma pulled himself to standing, "Well, if we're going to get going, we need to now." Ranma turned back to his mother, and gave his first smile his mother had seen on him since before he and his father had left, ten years ago, "Mom, it's great to see you again."  
  
Nodoka came to standing, and gave her son a hug, "Oh, Ranma, did I miss you! Now, let you two be off, we can continue this later." With that, she led the two children to the door.  
______________________  
  
Ranma sat across from Akane on the nearly empty subway train, staring. Akane attempted to ignore his gaze, but was failing, as her nervous fidgeting was proving.  
  
"I was doing it for you, you know?" Akane stated meekly, looking away.  
  
Ranma snorted, before sighing in resignation, "Akane..." The other girl turned to look directly at Ranma with an attentive expression. Ranma looked at her, and immidiately turned away with a slight blush, "Why?"  
  
"Well, I'm pretty sure you didn't want to die," Akane said with an amused voice.  
  
"Not that, I mean, why do you keep trying to kill yourself? There HAS to be a reason! Nobody just decides to off themselves on a whim!"  
  
"Honestly, Ranma, I don't know!" Akane replied in exasperation, "Sorry if I can't give you an answer!"  
  
"Look, at least tell me when you started..." Ranma had a bit of difficulty trying to figure out what to say, "... started having these, um, 'urges'."  
  
Akane thought back, before perking up, "Well, it was when I was training with Sensei Happosai, around then, I guess." Akane shrugged, "I don't think that'll help you much, though."  
  
"How old were you?" Ranma pressed on, "Ten... twelve..."  
  
"Thirteen," Akane stated, factually.  
  
Ranma thought to himself, maybe it was a puberty thing? "Whatever, I'll get to the bottom of this later, we're almost to our stop."  
______________________  
  
"We're home!" Akane called out, as Ranma and she entered the Tendou household. Immidiately, she was in the firm grasp of three of its residents.  
  
"AKANE! DON'T EVER TRICK RANMA INTO LEAVING YOU ALONE AGAIN!" Nabiki shouted, as she wiped her tears onto Akane's shoulders.  
  
"MY BABY GIRL'S NOT DEAD BECAUSE OF RANMA'S INCOMPETENCE!" Soun wailed, crying into Akane's hair. The youngest Tendou turned, and mouthed an apology to the fuming Ranma. Fortunately for Ranma's temperment, Kasumi's sobbing replies were only at a whisper.  
  
The pigtailed boy groaned in both irritation and fustration, and went to the dojo, while the tearful reunion continued.  
______________________  
  
Ranma found his father sitting out on the porch, "Mind if I join ya, Pop?"  
  
Genma looked at his son nervously, "You're not going to surprise attack me again, are you?"  
  
Ranma shrugged, and sat down, ignoring the way his father quickly put a meter between them, "When are we going to go see Mom?"  
  
"URK"  
  
Ranma held fast to his father's gi, while continuing to stare ahead, "Yeah, figured you would wuss out if I asked that. Don't worry, Mom think's I'm manly enough, even with the curse."  
  
"Oh," Genma sat back down with a calm expression, "Well, that's my boy! Man among Men!" He gave Ranma a jovial slap on the back.  
  
Ranma returned the jovial slap on the back with a jovial stomp to the back of his head, burying his father's face halfway into the wood porch, "Don't think I've forgiven you for making such a stupid deal..."  
  
"Your mother agreed to it!" Genma countered, with a muffled voice.  
  
Ranma sat back down, and sighed. "I still can't figure out what Akane's major malfunction is. She said it started when she was thirteen, sometime abouts training with an old Sensei of hers named Happosai. She still doesn't claim to know why th-"  
  
Ranma blinked, as he heard Kasumi drop a dish in the kitchen. Nabiki's abacus hit the ground from upstairs, and Soun's newspaper rip. Ranma turned to look at his father, but only found a dustcloud in his place. 


	10. Chapter 10

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
"HE DIDN'T SAY IT, RIGHT? HE DIDN'T SAY WHAT I THINK HE SAID, DID HE?!?!?!" Nabiki screamed, as she frantically meandered around the living room in an aimless panick.  
  
"Ohm-ohm-ohm-ohm-ohm-ohm-..." Kasumi repeated in mantra; her eyes just as wide in shock as her sister's, but she was paralized in her fear.  
  
  
"HE'S COMING BACK!!!" Soun wailed, "OH GREAT KAMI! HE'S GOING TO RETURN AGAIN!!!" Almost immidiately, Soun collapsed into a blubbering wreck; balled in a fetal position.  
  
"Don't you guys think you're just being a *tad* melodramatic?" Akane asked in a dry voice, while tapping her foot on the ground impatiently with her arms folded, as she waited for her family to come back to their senses.  
  
Ranma watched the proceedings with a sense of detachment, as if this was something he had been expecting, but didn't know or understand why. After a moment, he leaned towards Akane, "For some reason, this doesn't feel as unusual as it really should..."  
  
"Sorry about all this," Akane whispered back in apology, "My family tends to act this way whenever somone mentions Happosai."  
  
"THAT NAME! SHE SAID IT AGAIN!!!" Nabiki screamed, as she pointed towards Akane like she was the foulest, most evil demon from the darkest, most desolate parts of Hell.  
  
Kasumi descended the stairs, carrying two large suitcases; nobody had even noticed her leave the room, "Well, I'm leaving for Uncle Kasuhito's. You coming, Nabiki?"  
  
"What if he tries to sell us into slavery again?" Nabiki asked, a hint of mania still in her voice.  
  
Now that you thought about it, Kasumi's held that same rather entertaining trait, at the moment. "That's a chance I'll just have to take," the eldest Tendou daughter replied, with a firm resolve.  
  
"NO! MY DAUGHTERS! DON'T LEAVE ME!" the adult fetus on the ground wailed. Akane idly checked the clock; they must be dragging this on because they have guests.  
  
"Hey, Tendou, ready for an extensive training trip?" Genma tossed a camping pack next to Soun's head, "I hear the Tibetan Alps provide for exellent conditioning..."  
  
"Quite right, Saotome," the Tendou Patriarch replied, suddenly finding immense calmness in the lifeline he was just tossed, as he stood up, and shouldered his pack.  
  
"WAIT! Everyone, just *CALM-DOWN*," Nabiki demanded, once again being the first one to come out of the hysteria, and becoming the voice of reason, "There's NO WAY that little pervert can be coming back!"  
  
"But Nabiki he could be coming here and he could be heading straight for here and I don't want to be here because he's coming straight here and-," Kasumi continued, until she began to blubber into a nervous breakdown. Nabiki was instantly upon her, grabbing the front of her sister's blouse with her left hand.  
  
::SLAP, SLAP!!!::  
  
"KASUMI, SNAP OUT OF IT!" Nabiki shouted, as she lowered her hand from the second slap to her older sister's face, a back-hand, in fact, "THE FRENCH *PROMISED* US NOTHING COULD HAVE SURVIVED THAT! WE STRAPPED HIM TO A BOMB THEY WERE TESTING! A *NUCLEAR* BOMB!!! REMEMBER?"  
  
Kasumi continued to blubber, forcing Nabiki to raise her hand in order to slap some sense back into her sister.  
  
"Guys, this really does get old," Akane stated, now slumped in the sofa.  
  
Ranma looked at the scene, and thought to himself that this it rediculous enough to be funny, this whole situation is funny, he should be laughing...  
  
The calm, almost emotionless expression, save for that slight tone of unamusement, that was plastered across his face explained exactly how funny he was finding this situation.  
  
"I'm going to bed," Ranma announced, deciding he didn't care anymore, before Nabiki could slap her sister again. Everyone watched, as the pigtailed martial artist calmly walked to the stairway, and walked upstairs. They all were still in their positions when they heard the door to Akane's room shut. They still didn't move, as the door to Akane's room opened again, and Ranma descended the stairs, just as calmly as he had ascended them. He approached Akane, and without a word, he lifted her onto his shoulder.  
  
"HEY!" Akane shouted, but did little else, as Ranma carried her upstairs to her room. The door closed a final time, all while Nabiki, Kasumi, Soun, and Genma were frozen still in their positions, staring to where they had last seen the couple disappear to.  
_______________________  
  
"I'm really sorry about how they were acting," Akane apologised, once again, "Happosai left quite an impression with them."  
  
"I don't care," Ranma replied, her pigtail sticking out of the covers. "All I want to do is go to sleep, so tomorrow, I can kill your father, uncaring of the blood fued this will start between our families, because then I can die fianceeless and content."  
  
"You don't mean that," Akane chided, "Can you hand me my hairbrush, please? It's on the desk."  
  
Ranma sat up, leaned over to the desk, and pulled off the brush, before turning, and handing it to Akane, "Maybe I don't mean it, but I'm not very far from notion, I can promise you-"  
  
"My hair..." Akane almost whispered, as she noticed the reason her head felt so much lighter.  
  
"Huh?" Ranma-chan sat in seiza while facing Akane, "Oh, it got cut when you were trying to commit Seppuku, earlier."  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Akane stated, incredulously.  
  
"Didn't think it was important, seeing as how I was more concerned that your neck and head were still of one unit," Ranma replied with a sigh.  
  
"I was proud of my hair, too," Akane said with a resigned tone, "Well, there's nothing more to than even it out, I guess. Can you hand me my hair comb, please? It's also on my desk."  
  
Ranma turned back to the desk, grabbed the comb, and handed it to Akane, "Well, I would have had the same problem, if my hair didn't have a curse of its own," Ranma stated, unconciously trying to cheer Akane up, "Can you hurry up a bit? I just remembered I have to chain you up and hang you from the ceiling before I go to sleep."  
  
"Um," Akane started, running the comb through her hair, "Can you possibly... let me sleep in my own bed for tonight? I kind of miss it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh, come on! I promise I won't do anything..." Akane quickly amended herself under Ranma's half-lidded stare, "Anything but sleep, I mean."  
  
"Riiiiiight," Ranma drawled, "and what happened to the last promise you made to me? The one from this morning?"  
  
"Hey! I kept that promise!" Akane retorted.  
  
"Honorable suicide is *still* suicide, Akane," Ranma stated, factually.  
  
"Yeah, but you said not to make any attempts for the whole day! I didn't do anything until evening! See? I waited until the sun set, so the day was over!"  
  
Ranma blinked, then blinked again, before a chuckle escaped her. Akane stared at the other girl with a confused expression, as Ranma erupted into full blown laughter...  
_______________________  
  
Everyone was in the tea room, drinking said hot beverage to calm their nerves, when they were suddenly interrupted by laughter that was akin to a man who suddenly found it extremely funny that he just found out he's been in Hell for his entire life.  
  
"Ah, anyone like to go check up on that?" Nabiki offered, nervously.  
_______________________  
  
"Ah," Akane started to interject during Ranma's laughter, "can I take that as 'yes'?"  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHno," Ranma replied.  
  
Akane slumped a bit, realizing she was going to have to earn Ranma's trust again, somehow. She then wondered when his trust became important to her. With anothe sigh, she decided to move on, "Could you hand me my hair-tie, it's on the nightstand by your head."  
  
Ranma obliged her, before asking, "Why do you need it? Most of your hair's gone..."  
  
"Oh," Akane replied, lowering her hands from where she was about to tie hair that she no longer had.  
  
Ranma picked up on her slight depression, "You know? You look cute with shorter hair."  
  
Akane tilted her head, as she studied the other girl, before smiling, "Thanks Ranma."  
  
The red-head grumbled, before turning off to study a wall poster, incidentally hiding her blush from Akane, "Come on, now, I wanna get to sleep *sometime* tonight."  
  
"Almost done," Akane replied, "Could you hand me the scissors I hid between my mattress earlier?"  
  
Ranma reached between the matress, and handed Akane the pointy pair of shears, "Man, you girls have too much to do when it comes to taking care of your hair. Us guys, w-HEY!"  
  
Ranma dove onto the bed, and grappled with Akane for the scissors she had raised above her to plunge into her chest. Much to Ranma's chagrin, she realized just how much more strength Akane had than her girl form. but fortunately, Ranma had the position advantage, as she was astradal Akane's waist, keeping her pinned down.  
  
"Wha-stop! GIMME THAT!" Ranma shouted, as she finally pulled the intended implement of death from Akane's hands, raising it above her head and away from Akane's grasp.  
  
"Is everything okay," Kasumi's voice called out from behind the door, before it opened, "We heard Ranma laughing, and..." She saw Ranma, positioned over Akane, with sharp scissors in her hands, held above her head. Though completely circumstantial, the visual evidence was rather incriminating.  
  
"Ranma..." Kasumi started, with a gulp, "Would it help if I begged for my sister's life?"  
  
Ranma and Akane stared blankly at the older girl, before they both turned their eyes up to the pair of scissors that Ranma had in a two-handed grip above her head. "Don't worry, Kasumi," Ranma replied, "I'm not going to kill her."  
  
"Okay then," Kasumi said with a smile, "Good night!" With that, she left the room, and closed the door.  
  
Ranma was still staring after Kasumi, when he felt Akane's fingers in her armpits, "HEY! QUIT THAT!" Before Ranma had succombed to Akane's tickle attack, she tossed the scissors to the other side of the room. "Hee hee, n-now you can't g-get them!"  
  
Akane continued, undaunted, as she ravished Ranma, causing the pigtailed girl to collapse to the side of her in a giggling fit. "C-cut it o-out all... already?"  
  
Ranma noticed that she was now just inches away from Akane's face. The same realization had dawned on Akane, as she stared just as bewildered back at Ranma-chan. They didn't even notice they were leaning closer, until prominant parts of their female anatomies managed to remind them of themselves.  
  
"Ah..." Akane choked out, as if she had just been stabbed, "I guess we're ready to sleep... now?"  
  
"Yeah," Ranma replied, unconciously wincing at the imposition of her cursed form, "We better turn in, I guess..."  
  
Ranma took extra care to be careful not to touch Akane directly, as she wrapped the raven-haired girl in chains. 


	11. Chapter 11

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
  
Ranma had gotten the hang of things, much to Akane's chagrin. The fact that Ranma refused to discuss the other night wasn't helping Akane's mood any. Akane looked behind her, as Ranma stood with a firm expression, forcing her to continue forward like a prison wardon on duty. She had to admit, he was pretty cute when he was in his full Akane-alert mode. Now, some of her attempts weren't so much sporatic, but out of intrest to get him to react.  
  
Akane turned back around, furrowing her brow. She knew that night was some fluke, he didn't really have any intrest in the 'Psycho-chick' as he would call her. She sighed in discontent; they were supposed to be engaged (though the 'Death do you part' ordeal may come prematurely, as she was expecting), it would be nice to know if he had any intrest in her further than a given duty.  
  
As they walked out the doors of Furinkan, and amidst the awed spectators; the ones awed at Ranma's uncanny ability to actually keep 'The Deadly Drama Queen' in line, Akane decided to once again go for answers.  
  
"Ranma?" Akane recieved a gruff in reply, "You, um, you don't mind this anymore, do you?"  
  
Ranma kept his eyes ahead, "Mind what?"  
  
"Well, watching me from... well, doing stuff," Akane finished lamely. She may have stumbled over how to address the situation, but Ranma caught on.  
  
"Oh, na, don't mind it at all, actually."  
  
Akane's eyes widened a bit, but she dared not turn around, "You... you don't? Then that means..."  
  
"I figured a few things out," Ranma continued, once Akane trailed off, "I did something *reallllllllly* bad at some point, and this is my karmic punishment." Akane turned to look at Ranma with an incredulous expression, as he continued, "I've decided that I may as well accept it. I figure, once I've done my time, I'll be free, or something..." Ranma finally turned to look at Akane, and his face firmed a bit, "Face forward."  
  
Akane begrudginly turned back around, disappointed at Ranma's response, but doing her best to hide it. She knew his attitude was her fault, and that's what made the edge of the problem bite all that much harder into her concience.  
  
As Akane contemplated, Ranma calmly pulled her to the side, so that he could also step away from the incoming whistling sound...  
  
Akane looked over her shoulder with a surprised expression, while Ranma kept his eyes toward the school gates. Both of them had their heels dangling just over the edge of a newly formed crater in the school walkway.  
  
"I've found you at last, Ranma," a slightly relieved, giddy, and angry voice stated from the settling dust in the pit.  
  
"You know? I have to admit, this is a rather pleasant change," Ranma stated in a cavalier tone, "Usually, people are trying to off Akane here. It's not often when someone makes an attempt at my life..."  
  
"YOU DARE MAKE LIGHT OF ME?"  
  
Ranma shrugged, indifferently, "Sorry, but I can't take much seriously these days, what with my life being Hell and all."  
  
"Ranma..." Akane attempted to interject in a tone that was chiding, irritated, and apolagetic at the same time.  
  
"YOUR LIFE CAN'T POSSIBLY BE-"  
  
"Would you stop shouting," Ranma interrupted, "I'm standing right here..."  
  
"Ah, sorry," the bandanna-clad boy replied, sheepishly, before remembering his anger, "Your life can't possibly be as hellish as mine!"  
  
"Sure it can," Ranma replied simply, as if it weren't even up for discussion.  
  
"YOU DON'T-"  
  
"Shouting," Akane interjected.  
  
"You don't know how much I've suffered because of you!"  
  
"You don't know how much I've suffered because of her," Ranma countered, jerking his thumb over to Akane.  
  
"I have feelings too, you know?" Akane retorted, sulking.  
  
"ENOUGH!" the enraged boy shouted, "FOR THE HELL YOU PUT ME THROUGH, AND INSULTING THIS GIRL, YOU SHALL DIE, RANMA!"  
  
Ranma easily dodged out of the way of the thrusted umbrella that was aimed for his chest, "You kinda have me at a disadvantage..."  
  
"TOUGH!" The other young man continued to stab at Ranma with a speed that rivaled what Ranma had shown so far.  
  
"You know my name, but I don't yours, that ain't fair." Ranma retorted, still dodging with almost an effortlessness.  
  
"He's right, you know?" Akane interrupted, grabbing the shaft of the umbrella, and stopping it just inches away from Ranma's chest, "You can't just go off an attack someone without giving your name, at least!"  
  
The young man blinked, before pulling his umbrella back. After his initial shock wore off, he answered her, "Fine, my name is Ryoga Hibiki, now can I go back to killing your boyfriend?"  
  
"I'm her bodyguard, I'm not her boyfriend," Ranma corrected.  
  
"Fiancee," Akane corrected Ranma.  
  
"You have this inconsiderate jerk for a bodyguard?" Ryoga voiced, incredulously, before bowing in sympathy, "You have my condolences."  
  
"You're really apologizing to the wrong person, buddy," a voice from the surrounding crowd stated.  
  
Ryoga rounded back on Ranma, "RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!!!" The enraged boy opened his umbrella up, and launched it at his bane, spinning like a top. Ranma blinked, and faded to the side of it, almost with no concern for it whatsoever. The weapon rounded back upon him, like a boomerang returning to its master, and Ranma evaded it again without turning around.  
  
Ryoga snorted in irritation, at having his attack dodged so cavalierly, and reached his hand out to recieve his umbrella. Akane stepped in front of him, with an irritated expression.  
  
"Now look, you can't just go around attacking people without an explanation! What exactly did Ranma-"  
  
"OMPH!!!!"  
  
Both Akane and Ryoga looked down behind Akane, to find Ranma holding the handle of the imbrella as if he had just tackled it from the air, that had its parasol imbedded halfway into the concrete, just inches away from Akane's legs. Akane shrugged at Ranma's extremely irritated expression, while Ryoga blinked in confusion.  
  
"Akane, can we talk for a moment?" Ranma stated in a saccharine sweet voice, while kicking Ryoga in the face. Once Ryoga was sufficiently dazed, Ranma dragged his charge a distance away, "Damn it, Akane! If you're gonna try to kill yourself, at least don't do it where it would interfere with a man to man fight!"  
  
Akane was feeling a bit upset with the attitude Ranma had been taking with her since the other night, "Don't interfere? Listen, you macho jerk, if you hadn't noticed, he's mad enough to kill!"  
  
Ranma blinked, not used to recieving Akane's ire, "Yeah, so?"  
  
"Ranma, I'm not going to let you get hurt over something stupid! At least he should tell us what you did that's so bad to him!"  
  
Ranma's brow furrowed again, "That doesn't mean you should get in the way of razor-sharp projectiles!"  
  
"That's beside the point!" Akane returned, heatedly.  
  
"THAT WAS A CHEAP SHOT, RANMA!" Ryoga shouted out, tugging off his bandanna, only to have another one lay under it. He began twirling it around rapidly, before launching it like a throwing star at the pigtailed boy's head.  
  
"Listen, I can't fight him, and protect you at the same time. So next time, just STAY the HELL outta the way!" Ranma returned, not noticing his voice raising.  
  
"Well if I'm some kind of BURDEN to you, why don't you just LEAVE?" Akane's voice also started to raise, as she got in Ranma's face.  
  
"Oh, I would LOVE to, but I have this whole honor thing that your stupid family tricked me into!" Ranma was almost shouting, and not paying attention to the whirling projectile heading for his neck.  
  
"DON'T CALL MY FAMILY STUPID!" Akane was now shouting. Her hand snapped out to the side, allowing her to catch the orange and black bandanna between her index and forefinger. With an angry expression, she turned back to shout at a very shocked Ryoga, "DO YOU MIND? WE'RE HAVING A DISCUSSION HERE!"  
  
Ranma didn't even concern himself with the projectile that was just intercepted, he would have dodged it easily, anyhow, "Look, I ain't doing this for my own good, I have better things to do than play your unwanted superman!"  
  
"WELL FINE!" Akane blinked down tears that were starting to form, "GO! LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T WANT YOU NEAR ME EVER AGAIN!"  
  
"GOOD! I CAN FINALLY STOP PRETENDING TO CARE ABOUT YOUR SEVERELY SHORTENED LIFE, YOU DEMENTED, UNCUTE, PSYCHO CHI-"  
  
Ranma's head snapped to the side, before he turned to stare at Akane incredulously. The raven-haired girl brought her hand down from having slapped Ranma, glaring at him with watery eyes. Finally, attempting to retain her dignity, Akane stormed past her fiancee, and towards the gates.  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE FORGET ABOUT ME RAN-URK!"  
  
"Back off," Ranma replied in a subdued voice, while lowering his fist from Ryoga's face. He then blinked, realizing something, "Weren't you just holding something?"  
  
"AKANE, LOOK OUT!"  
  
Ranma turned with a shocked expression towards the retreating girl, seeing the sharp spinning belt that Ryoga had just been holding, flying after Akane's head. Ranma's eyes grew wider, as he realized he wouldn't be able to get there in time, "AKANE!"  
  
The belt came within an inch of beheading her, just before Akane's hand shot back, and swatted it out of the way. "I'm not in the mood," she stated in a shaky voice, not even bothering to turn around.  
  
"Aw, cripes!" Ranma took off after Akane, leaving Ryoga standing, dazed.  
  
The fanged boy shook himself to regain his conciousness fully, and watched the two retreat down the way. With an sudden irritated realization, he spoke, "I was just ignored, wasn't I?"  
  
Everyone in the schoolyard nodded once. 


	12. Chapter 12

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
Ranma wasn't going to admit it, but he was enjoying the blissful walk home. Akane hadn't even turned around since he had been following her, and when he tried to obstruct her path, she would just evade him.  
  
As agitated as Ranma was at making a girl cry, even one that had a tendicy totry to remove herself from the genepool in rather spectacular manners, the thought finally settled into his skull...  
  
"You know? She ain't even tried to off herself once this whole time!"  
  
The more realization came with the thought, the bigger Ranma's grin became, "That means, if I keep Akane pissed off enough, she'll be too upset to make my life miserable..."  
  
"ALRIGHT!!!" Akane turned around in shock, to see Ranma almost about to celebrate. It was then he noticed she was staring at him curiously. "Ah, alright!" Ranma attempted to make a save, "Let's cut out the crap! I don't know what managed to get a psycho-chick like you so upset, but... huh?"  
  
Akane just closed her eyes, and turned back to walk home, leaving a dumbfounded Ranma behind.  
______________________  
  
The whole family, for lack of a better word, was shocked. Actually, a better word, or phrase, had come up.  
  
...  
  
No, no word could describe the emotion they were experiencing, as they watched Akane silently, almost listlessly eat her fingerfoods, while Ranma looked on with a hopeful expression.  
  
"He... he cured her..." Nabiki whispered in newfound awe, "She... she hasn't once..."  
  
"Could Ranma possibly be..." Kasumi clutched her cross, now ready to worship Ranma as the next Jesus. Their father had lost all motor skills for the past two hours, unable to process comprehension of his youngest not making any attempts at herself. His rationalization came to the conclusion that she was already dead, but conflicting visual observation belayed that. To effectively rectify the current logic loop, Soun had resorted to only basic support functions, while resources were directed towards accellerating his cranial capacity. Thankfully, he had an empty bladder.  
  
Earlier, Ranma had felt elation at the reprieve, but watching Akane all day go through her usual after-school routine in a dull almost lifelessness that he wasn't accustomed to from her, slaughtered any enjoyment he could strain from his newfound peace. At that, he started to frown.  
  
The change of expression didn't go unnoticed by the two older sisters, and with it, they also grew concerned.  
  
"I'm going to go practice," Akane announced, before softly excusing herself from the table, and heading up to her room to change into her gi.  
  
Ranma had become lost in thought, before realizing she was at the top of the stairs, "HEY! Wait up!" The pigtailed young man took off after his fiancee/charge, and arrived on her tail, just as she was entering her room, "Akane, wait up a-"  
  
He hadn't been expecting the door to be slammed in his face so thoroughly.  
______________________  
  
Ryoga recoiled from the rather stiff branch that his head smacked into, unable to see his way through the dark forest. He had made an attempt to follow Ranma before he got too far, but from the looks of his current location, he failed, utterly.  
  
"Ranma," the bandanna-clad boy seethed, "I shall have my revenge. You did this to my life, you made it a disaster."  
  
Ryoga held up an object between his index and forefingers, "Like this..." he looked closely at it, and with the little light available to him, he figured out what it was, "Cap to an ammonia bottle..." He effortlessly squeezed it tight, causing it to snap. Oddly, it just didn't feel as satisfying to crush as, say, a walnut.  
  
::SNAP::  
  
"So will your neck." Ryoga finished. "Your time has come... Ran-"  
  
A light suddenly began to show in the deep, dark, forest, as a voice rang out, "Hey, you, kid. Whattarya doing in the janitor's closet?"  
  
"Huh?" Ryoga looked around, and smacked his head once again into the tree branch.... into the overhanging thick lead pipe, "ouch."  
  
"Didn't you know school was out hours ago?" the Janitor stated, incredulously, before his eyes narrowed, "Or were you in here getting a little hanky panky with some innocent girl?"  
  
"Can you tell me how to get to the Tendou Dojo?  
______________________  
  
Ranma rubbed his still sore nose, as he lay on his side on the dojo floor, while observing Akane beat the literal stuffing out of a training dummy.  
  
The longer he watched, the more impressed he was becoming; Akane definitely had some skill, and even though she may not be his equal, she could give him a good run if she went all out... like she was on the training dummy.  
  
Her furious lightning attacks finally caused her target to buckle, then with a fierce crescent kick to the side of the ribs, shatter. Akane stood with her back turned to the reminants of the dummy, breathing hard with her eyes closed. With a deep sigh, she went to brush imagined hair from her shoulder, but then realized how short it was. "I'm going to go take a bath, now."  
  
Ranma shook himself at the sound of her voice, as if he had just come out of a daze, "Huh?"  
  
Akane didn't notice the high pitch his voice had taken in his reply, or his following dry-throated gulp, "I'm going to go wash off, then go get ready for bed."  
  
He frowned once again, at the neutral tone of her voice, "Geez, you still upset about after school?" the girl in question's expression flashed to a brief flicker of irritation, before switching back to neutral. Ranma decided that her anger was better than nothing at all, "Well, leave it to a Psycho-macho chick like you to hold a grudge for this long."  
  
Akane's face started to contort, before she looked down, and then closed her eyes, "You're right..."  
  
Ranma stopped, "Say that again?"  
  
Akane looked up at him, with moisture in her eyes, "I'm... I guess I better go take that bath."  
  
Ranma blinked, then blinked again, then started to scream at the top of his lungs, while attempting to pull large clumps of hair from his head. "Ra-Ranma?"  
  
"Just when I finally thought I had you figured out!" Ranma stated with a low chuckle, "Whaddya mean 'I'm right'?"  
  
"I know it hasn't been easy to deal with a... with a 'Psycho-chick' like me," Akane's voice choked, "I understand my family pressured you into the job, and I'm sorry."  
  
Ranma groaned in fustration, "Look, I'm sorry I called you that, alright? I didn't think you'd take it so personally!"  
  
"It's not that," Akane replied, turning away, "It was just, that for a few moments, it sometimes seemed like you actually cared for..." Akane stopped herself before completing, "Nevermind."  
  
She attempted to walk by Ranma, but found him shifting to the front of her, "'Actually cared for' what?" Akane grew tightlipped, and attempted to walk around him. "Oh no, you're not getting out of this! First you go and confuse the heck out of me and tell me I'm right about something even I know isn't."  
  
"What?" Akane interjected, her eyes lighting up in surprise.  
  
"Well," Ranma reached to the back of his head nervously, "You know, it's not true, well the Psycho-chick thing is, but... ah... I didn't need to go and upset you with it."  
  
Akane expression lightened up a bit, "So, you're saying you didn't want to hurt my feelings?"  
  
"I guess... yeah."  
  
Akane gave him a slight smile in appreciation, "Thanks, Ranma."  
  
"So, you're not gonna mope all over the place anymore?" Ranma asked with a bit more hope than before.  
  
"Nope!" Akane replied with newfound cheerfullness, as he brought a jagged piece of metal pipe to the fore, and started to jab it to towards her heart.  
  
"HEY!!!!" Ranma managed to snag Akane's arm, and jerk the pipe away, "WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT?!?"  
  
"The training dummy. Daddy had them custom made so they would be more durable."  
  
Ranma stared for the longest time, before he broke down, laughing.  
  
"What's so funny?"  
  
"Now THAT'S the Akane I'm used to!" Ranma chuckled, throwing the piece of pipe away, and ushering Akane out of the dojo.  
  
The raven-haired girl stared at him with a startled expression, "You're weird, you know that?"  
  
Before Ranma could retort, they found their exit blocked by three stern-expressioned Tendous.  
  
"A moment of your time, Ranma," Soun stated in a tone that brooked no argument.  
  
"Ah..." was all Ranma could respond.  
  
"Daddy? Nabiki? Kasumi?"  
  
"You had managed to get Akane to stop killing herself," Kasumi stated in a tone that was just shy of absolute zero, "And then you ruined it, why?"  
  
"Whaddarya talk'n about?"  
  
"You had Akane *cured* Saotome," Nabiki responded, "Our troubles were over, and then you destroyed our happiness! WE WERE HAPPY, DAMN YOU!"  
  
"GIVE US BACK OUR NON-SUICIDAL AKANE!" Kasumi's shouting voice joined her sister's, as she desperately pounded her fists against any open part she could tag on Ranma.  
  
"Hey! Cut it out!" Ranma easily guarded against the attacks, but nonetheless was finding them a bit irritating.  
  
"WE WANT OUR MISERABLE, LESS-STRESSFUL AKANE BACK! GIVE HER BACK!" Nabiki joined in the physical attacks, albeit with one of the wooden staffs from the wall rack.  
  
Akane backed away, as her whole family began beating on her hapless bodyguard, before blowing a stray tuft of hair hanging over her nose, "Is anyone around here normal?"  
  
"QUIT IT! CUT THAT OUT!" 


	13. Chapter 13

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
Ranma rubbed the still-bruised side of his face, still awaiting another frozen steak, as he glared at the offending Tendou trio. "I hate you all, I crave death for your fates," the pigtailed boy seethed, before blinking at the plate Kasumi set before him, "ALRIGHT! Grilled pike for breakfast, my fave!" He blinked again, and glared at Kasumi, "I wish a pox upon you and your family."  
  
"Boy, I've noticed you've started becoming more pessemistic and violent since we've arrived," Genma interjected, "I think a training trip in the near future will straighten that negative and whiny attitude of yours out." Ranma casually slammed his father's head through a nearby wall.  
  
"I'm feeling less negative already."  
  
"Oh, stop it, Ranma" Akane chided, bringing him his third frozen steak for the morning, "They've already apologised for their behavior last night!" Akane looked over, just missing the way Soun and Nabiki's expressions changed from returning Ranma's glare of malice to deeply chided and apologetic, "See?"  
  
Ranma gave Akane a half-lidded stare, "They only did so, so I wouldn't kill them in their sleep. I'm very likely to do that, given my recent experiences."  
  
"Ah..." Akane said, a bit nervous for her family, before perking up, "you're still sleeping in my room, right?"  
  
Ranma continued his flat, emotionless stare towards the youngest Tendou, "I won't give you the satisfaction."  
  
"You make it sound so perverted," Akane joked, her chuckles quickly dying when she realised no one else was laughing.  
  
Ranma picked up his chopsticks to dig in. He paused, noticing something, "Hey, why aren't you guys eating the same thing?"  
  
Kasumi cleared her throat, before answering, "Well, I wanted to apologise for the rather... excitable way I acted last night." Ranma could positively feel the 'sincerity' in her apology.  
  
"Riiiiiiight," Ranma drawled, before picking up his plate, and passing it to Kasumi, "Looks delicious, wanna try first bite?"  
  
"Oh no, I couldn't!" Kasumi urged, suddenly nervously wringing her hair over her shoulder.  
  
"Oh, I don't mind! I mean, let bygones be bygones, right?" Ranma insisted, thrusting the plate towards her again.  
  
"It just wouldn't be good... er... right!" the eldest daughter replied, starting to visibly perspire.  
  
"Thought as much," Ranma stated in a dry, unamused tone, "Hey, Pops, want it?"  
  
"NO!" Kasumi, Nabiki, and Soun screamed in unison.  
  
"Shouldn't that be my decision?" Genma asked with an irritated tone.  
  
Kasumi recovered quickly, "I... I mean, I made it especially for you, Ranma!"  
  
"I'm suddenly not very hungry," Ranma retorted in a suspicious tone.  
  
"I'll take it," Akane offered.  
  
"No, you won't," Ranma, Nabiki, Soun, and Kasumi replied in a tone that brooked no argument.  
  
"Is something wrong with it?" Akane asked, oblivious to the situation going on around her.  
  
"I'll pick up something while I'm out today," Ranma stated, pushing his plate to the side. Kasumi snapped her fingers in irritation, though, in hindsight, she didn't really care to have to clean up Ranma's vomit all day, if he chose to stay around the house.  
  
Ranma looked up from the current banes of his existance, as there was a knock at the door. "Hello? I apologise for letting myself in," a matronly, motherly voice stated from the front hall.  
  
Ranma calmly picked up Nabiki's bowl of miso soup, and started to sip from it, ignoring the middle daughters infuriated and indignant expression, "She's a day late."  
  
"Who's a day late, boy?" Genma enquired, "You invited guests without the Tendou's perm-"  
  
"Genma, is that you, husband?"  
  
Ranma was never aware his father was capable of screaming so loud, and in such a high pitch.  
  
"Oh! That's certainly my husband," the woman stated with an exasperated tone.  
  
"Hello, Mrs. Saotome!" Akane chirped, "We're in the dining area just down the hall to your right."  
  
Thinking fast, Genma grabbed a glass of water from the table, and threw it in Ranma's face. "She knows about my curse," Ranma said in factual tone. Genma baulked, and then picked up Ranma's glass of water, and splashed himself. "She knows about your's, too," Ranma did her best to hide the smile of vindication attempting to cross her face.  
  
Nodoka entered the room, and looked directly at the panda that was staring back at her in horror, "Genma-chan, I recognize those beady eyes, anywhere."  
  
"GWROR GWUA RRRWAR RRR!!!"  
  
"Idiot," both Ranma and Nodoka stated in unison, before Kasumi upended a kettle onto his head.  
  
"Welcome to our home, Mrs. Saotome!"  
  
"Thank you, Kasumi-chan, I believe? It's been so long!"  
  
"I'm ashamed to say I don't remember you, were you close to our family?" Kasumi enquired.  
  
"Well, she never came by often enough by me and your dear departed mother's preference," Soun answered, ready to break out into tears.  
  
"Oh, and once again, I must give my condolences for your loss so long ago," Nodoka stated sympathetically.  
  
"Guys, we gotta panda to mutilate and skin," Ranma reminded. While holding her father by his gi to keep him from escaping.  
  
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT! THE BOY GOT CARELESS!!!" Genma wailed, attempting to save his own neck.  
  
"Gee, wouldn't carelessness be something of a mark against my manliness, Pop?" Ranma-chan enquired in a sinister but gleeful tone.  
  
Genma stopped struggling, and turned to stare at his son... daughter, "Are you that ready to die, boy?" Ranma looked over her shoulder to Akane, who smiled back at her. Genma's eyes went wide, and he reinforced his attempts to escape Ranma's grasp.  
  
"Oh, Ranma, must you be so bloodthirsty?" Nodoka asked, finding a seat at the table.  
  
"Would you like something to eat?" Kasumi offered, trying to be a polite hostess.  
  
"Oh, don't go out of your way on my account," Nodoka replied, before spying what was in front of her son turned daughter, "Ranma, if you're going to let those go to waste, I'll-"  
  
"NO!" Ranma, Kasumi, Soun, and Nabiki shouted in unison.  
  
"Really, is there something wrong with that fish?" Akane asked for the second time.  
  
"I was very much in the mood to see blood," Ranma-chan grumbled, finally relenquishing her hold on her father, "Put the chopsticks down, Akane." Ranma didn't even turn to look at the girl in question.  
  
"You're a pretty fickle person, you know that, Ranma?" Akane groused, putting Ranma's chopsticks back on the table from where she had them positioned to stab herself in the eye.  
  
"I'm not interested in seeing your blood," Ranma replied in an exasperated tone.  
  
"Why not?" Akane asked in an irritated voice, "My blood is just as red as anybody else's!"  
  
"And I've seen enough of it, thank you very much," Ranma stated, "I need variety." Akane humphed, but relented.  
  
"Oh!" Nodoka perked, reaching into her obi, and pulling out an envelope, "By the way, a strange young man asking me for directions to here asked me to give you this."  
  
Ranma took the letter from her mother, and opened it, "Hmm? It's from Ryoga, he wants to challenge me in a duel."  
  
"A duel?" Nodoka enquired, before beaming, "How manly!"  
  
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is," Ranma drawled, "But I'm not going."  
  
Everyone silently stared at Ranma for several moments.  
  
"BOY! YOU CANNOT REFUSE A DUEL!" Genma bellowed, coming to standing, and almost tipping over the table.  
  
"He is correct!" Soun added, "One of the prime rules of the school is that no challenge could be refused!"  
  
"I never said I refused the challenge," Ranma replied with an oblivous tone.  
  
"Huh?" Came Soun and Genma's unified reply.  
  
"Someone's gonna take it for me," Ranma stated, folding the letter away.  
  
Akane stood, and bowed before Ranma, "I would be honored to-"  
  
"Not you," Ranma interrupted, "Pop."  
  
"Ah..." Genma began to sweat, "But I..."  
  
"You *will* be there for the duel in my place," Ranma commanded, giving her father a steely eyed glare that reminded Genma too much of his wife.  
  
"That sounds like a wonderful idea!" Nodoka stated, "If you're going to be free that way, we can spend the time to get reaquainted again!"  
  
"Well, the challenge letter was stated for two days," Ranma offered, "So sometime in a week. How does next Saturday sound?"  
  
"BOY! It is a matter of honor that you take this duel!" Genma proclaimed, attempting to regain his authority, as if he had it to begin with.  
  
"Sorry!" Ranma replied in a saccharine-sweet voice, before giving Akane a shifting glance, "I already have enough headaches over honor at the moment." Ranma didn't see Akane flinch at the statement.  
  
"Then it's settled!" Nodoka stated, ending the discussion, "My Husband shall battle this Ryoga Hibiki to the death for the honor of the school, while me, Ranma, and Akane go shopping!"  
  
Genma paled, and passed out, while Ranma baulked. "Shopping?" Ranma asked with an incredulous tone.  
  
"Great! I love shopping!" Akane exclaimed, excitedly.  
  
"Well," Nodoka started to grip her wrapped sword nervously, "You recall about me mentioning that I wouldn't mind you wearing a bra... in your female form, I mean..."  
  
Ranma groaned, and put her head into her hands, while wondering exactly what she did that royally ticked off whatever deity that 'blessed' her with her current existance.  
__________________  
  
A week later, Ryoga stood on one side of the soccer field in a massive ring of spectators, glaring at the person standing before him with extreme irritation.  
  
"Ah..." Genma stated, nervously, "Mind if we call this a draw, son?"  
  
Ryoga quickly unsheathed his umbrella, while growling, "Take me to Ranma... NOW!" 


	14. Chapter 14

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
"Cheer up, Ranma, it's not that bad," Nodoka chided to the slouching redhead.  
  
  
"You're not going to act all depressed the whole day because of this, are you?" Akane enquired, feeling her own attitude drop lower and lower to meet Ranma's. Akane prefered not to let things get her down, unlike Ranma, apparently.  
  
"It's chafing," Ranma replied simply, picking at her red Chinese shirt, along with what was under it.  
  
"You get used to it," Nodoka stated, factually, "And you'll thank me later on."  
  
"You wouldn't be recieving my thanks if you'ld just let me get some hot water."  
  
"I guess I've tortured you long enough," the Saotome Matriarch stated with a wistful sigh. She blinked, recalling something, "Speaking of time, your father hasn't returned yet. Do you think that young man killed him?"  
  
"Na," Ranma retorted, non-plussed, and left for the kitchen, "Pop's too good at running away."  
  
"Good point. I do wish he wouldn't take so long returning, although." Ranma's other dusted herself off, before coming to standing, "Well, I'm afraid I must be off to complete some errands at our home."  
  
"Huh?" both Ranma and Akane asked at the same time, just as Ranma was walking back in with a hot kettle.  
  
"Well, I have to get some things prepared if you're going to move in." Ranma stared at her mother, not quite comprehending the mixed feelings her mother's announcement struck in her. "oh, and your father," Nodoka added as an afterthought.  
  
"Oh." Akane didn't miss the downtrodden response from Ranma, "I'll walk you outside then, Mom. I feel like taking a few breaths of fresh air, anyhow." Ranma quickly removed her shirt, and underlying bra, and quickly dumped the hot water onto her, now his, head. Ignoring the appreciative glances Akane was giving him to tease him, and his mother's chuckling, he motioned them both to the door.  
________________  
  
"Ten-Dou Dojo..." Ryoga turned back around, "Are you sure Ranma's... Mr. Saotome?" Ryoga's sight was met with a damp panda playing with a beachball. Growling about cowardliness running in the family, the bandanna-clad boy leapted onto the wall, then the roof of the dojo, and then the roof of the house. He found his nemesis escorting that respectable looking woman that had attepted to help him out, along with the girl he callously belittled to the front gate. Filled with seething rage of Ranma attempting to skip out on their second duel, and his ill presense among the two women, Ryoga launched his attack.  
  
"RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!"  
  
The pigtailed boy sighed, "I'll see you later, Mom. I have to get rid of this idiot before he wrecks the place or something."  
  
"Very well, dear, I'll keep an eye on Akane while you're out socializing with that young man."  
  
"Thank you, Mrs. Saotome, but I can take care of myself," Akane replied, respectibly.  
  
Ranma leapt into the air, just as Ryoga crashed into the spot he had been standing, "QUIT RUNNING, YOU COWARD!" He launched himself after the pigtailed boy post-haste, not wanting him out of his sight.  
  
"Of course you can," Nodoka stated, not at all paying attention to the scene of intended homicide on her son, "But if you would just humor my dear son, I'm afraid he's been on edge."  
  
Akane brushed her hair back, allowing her exasperated smirk to show, "Tell me about it!"  
________________  
  
Ranma faded back from another umbrella jab, and leapt backwards onto another rooftop, with Ryoga hotly following in pursuit, "You know? This is going to probably become tiring, if you keep attempting to ambush me."  
  
"SHUT UP, STAND STILL, AND DIE!"  
  
Ranma suddenly stopped, staring obliviously at the umbrella tip heading for his face. Ryoga's face grew extremely surprised at Ranma obeying the command, but wasn't about to let that stop him.  
  
At the last moment, Ranma's eyes went wide, as he viciously ducked from the strike, just barely managing to scratch him, and then leapt high into the air to another rooftop, "Aw cripes! SHE'S RUBBING OFF ON ME!"  
  
"HOW DARE YOU TEASE ME LIKE THAT, RANMA!!!" Ryoga leapt into the air to keep the pressure on his tormenter. Ranma turned around while still rising, and tilted to the side from Ryoga's rising ax kick. Ranma idly swung an arm under Ryoga's other leg, causing him to lose balance in the air.  
  
Ranma landed easily in the alleyway, while Ryoga landed head first. "Why don't we just talk this out like gentlemen," Ranma suggested, while using Ryoga's prone body as a seat.  
  
"GET OFF OF ME, YOU IDIOT!"  
  
"Obviously you blame me for something that obviously I have no clue about," Ranma mused, crossing one leg over the other. He looked down at Ryoga's face with a contemplative expression, "Would you please fill me in on this?"  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE ACT INNOCENT-"  
  
"Geez, what is it with you and shouting?" Ranma asked, removing the trashcan lid he had just used to slam into Ryoga's face.  
  
Ryoga remained unphased, "IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT MY LIFE'S HELL!!!"  
  
"At least I'm spreading the joy of my own torment around," Ranma replied with a slight chuckle, before adding, "Even if I was doing it before the fact."  
  
"HOW DARE YOU COMPARE YOUR MEAGER TURMOILS TO MINE!"  
  
"Meager?" Ranma repeated with slight incredulousness, before he regained his composure, "You used 'turmoils' out of connotation."  
  
"SHUT UP, RANMA, AND LET ME UP SO I CAN BEAT YOU TO A PULP!!!"  
  
"Let's compare notes," Ranma stated, as he removed the sole of his shoe from Ryoga's face, "I'm currently being railroaded into an unwanted marraige with a girl determined to kill herself, but more likely to do me in, during the process. I have a father that had made my life a good deal of Hell, prior, and I've found out my Mom's about as insane as my fiancee, and my life was almost in jeapordy from my Mom in the first place, between the contract she made with my father and my curse. Oh yeah, and I got this crook in my shoulder that's been driving me up the wall." Ranma then turned and addressed the slowly recovering Ryoga. "How's life been treating you?"  
  
"You...." Ryoga growled, "You want to talk about curses? I-" Ryoga stopped quickly, before revealing too much to a seemingly unconcerned Ranma. "You don't deserve a girl like your fiancee, if all you can do is belittle her!"  
  
"I guess you're right," Ranma replied, shrugging his shoulders. Ranma leaned to the side, dodging a bandanna shiruken, before back kicking Ryoga into a brick wall. "I'll tell you what," Ranma replied, leaning against the same wall Ryoga was imbedded in; Ranma hadn't even noticed how his skills had improved since he had been forced to watch over Akane, "Ryoga, ol' buddy. I guess I just need a rest from it all. This is just a task that no one could possibly handle."  
  
"Quit acting like an old man, Ranma! You're whining's getting on all my nerves."  
  
"Ryoga, you say I've made your life a living Hell?" Ranma chuckled, as he crossed one leg over the other, and stuck his hands into his pockets, while looking up into the sky. "Looks like rain," he said, idly.  
  
Ryoga baulked at the comment, but refocused back on his anger, "Ranma, you sound like a girl!"  
  
Ranma barely acknowledged the barb, "What, you think you can manage my problems any better?"  
  
"Of course!" Ryoga retorted, "They're nothing compared to mine!"  
  
"Of course they aren't," Ranma replied, forming a grin on his face, "I'll tell you what..."  
________________  
  
"Would it be okay if I came to visit Ranma often?" Akane asked, a bit concerned about her fiance moving.  
  
"I don't see why not? You two get along so well as a couple." Nodoka replied, looking at Akane over her tea. The youngest Tendou daughter blushed at the comment. At least she would be able to see Ranma still in the last few moments or so of her life.  
  
"I'm back," Ranma announced, entering through the front door. He removed his shoes, and grabbed his guest by the front of his shirt, before he could wander off. He led the fanged-boy to the dining room, and forced him to sit down next to a puzzled Akane.  
  
"Ah... hi," Ryoga replied, not sure what to make of this situation.  
  
Ranma walked into the kitchen, where he spotted Kasumi toiling about. She jolted, as Ranma patted her twice on the shoulder; she froze when she saw the relieved and almost giddy smile on his face. That expression reminded her all too well of the one she wore, the day they had unloaded their biggest problem onto Ranma.  
  
"Somebody else's problem, now" Ranma stated with a triumphant tone, as he retrieved an apple from the refrigerator, "Kasumi, what're we having for dinner?" 


	15. Chapter 15

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
Akane blinked, as Ryoga dragged her down the street, "Um, where are we going?"  
  
"As far as I can get you from Ranma!" Ryoga retorted, before mumbling, "Hmm, isn't there supposed to be an intersecting street right about now?"  
  
The raven-haired girl wasn't sure what was going on, as she found herself dragged from the house by the bandanna clad boy, as soon as her and Ranma arrived home from school that day. She didn't miss the rather happy expression Ranma had on his face, but didn't think too much about it at the time, "Why are we getting away from Ranma?"  
  
"For your safety," Ryoga stated, "That jerk ruined my life, and I'm not about to see him do the same to someone else!"  
  
"Hey! What do you mean he ruined your life? Ranma doesn't strike me as the type of person to do such a thing!"  
  
"Believe me, you're better off without the jerk!" Akane pursed her lips, but said nothing more.  
__________________  
  
"Ranma...." Kasumi enquired with a heavily concerned tone, "Where's Akane?" She *really* didn't want to go through this again.  
  
"No longer my problem," Ranma retorted, keeping his eyes glued to the TV, before chuckling at the antics of one of the characters.  
  
"Exactly what do you mean by that?"  
  
"Found someone else to be her bodyguard. He wanted the job more than I did."  
  
Kasumi's eyes widened a fraction, but instead of showing anger, she looked at Ranma with a saddened expression, "That wasn't very nice, Ranma."  
  
"Well, Ryoga shoulda thought about it first, before accepting," Ranma replied, finally turning to look at the eldest Tendou daughter with a slight frown.  
__________________  
  
"This was Ranma's idea?" Akane asked in a subdued voice, while looking down at the table they both were sitting at.  
  
"Yeah, the jerk decided that I couldn't do a better job of watching over you than he could," Ryoga replied with a slightly haughty tone. He suddenly became a bit nervous, "Um, how am I doing?"  
  
Akane idly twirled her finger around the front of her on the table, "Okay... I guess." For some reason, the idea that Ranma was the one who made the suggestion hurt Akane as much as he had ever before. She just wasn't sure how to take it, this time.  
  
"Ah...." Ryoga started to panic, when he noticed the girl across from him didn't seem happy. If he had realized how much buying her a meal would seem like a date in the first place, he more than likely wouldn't be functioning, right now. He had originally stopped to ask for directions, before realizing he was in a restuarant. It had been a while since he had anything that wasn't cooked over a camp fire, or instant, so obliging himself with some of the cash he earned from doing odd jobs sounded like a good idea. Of course, eating in front of his ward wasn't the polite thing to do.  
  
"I didn't know anyone who liked fish so much!" Ryoga commented, hoping the change of subject would perk the girl up.  
  
"Yeah, it's okay," Akane replied, "Salmon's pretty bony, easy to choke on the bones."  
  
"Ah..." Ryoga blinked at the comment, "I guess."  
  
For several minutes, Ryoga endured ackward silence, as Akane's mood, if anything, seemed to get more morose. Fortunately, their meal arrived before anxiety could set in for the bandanna-clad boy.  
  
"Ah, great!" Ryoga looked down at the sizable portion of steak in front of him, and was ready to dig in, before realizing something, "Um... where's my knife?"  
  
Akane perked up at the question, "Hmm?"  
  
Above her, a rather well balanced steak knife descended for the top of her head...  
__________________  
  
"So, you hoisted Akane off onto someone else," Nabiki enquired with a distainful tone.  
  
Ranma didn't miss the attitude, "Yeah, what about it?"  
  
"You know?" Nabiki started, "I had really thought that you may have been the best thing for Akane, and then you do something like this."  
  
"What in the world are you talking about?" Ranma asked with a hostile, but guarded tone.  
  
"Nothing that you would apparently understand," the middle Tendou sister replied, before heading on her way. Ranma shook his head at the conversation, deciding whatever she was talking about wasn't worth his attention. Regardless, he couldn't comprehend where the sense of guilt he was experiencing was originating from.  
__________________  
  
"Would you get down from there, you're embarrassing me!" Akane chided, looking at the bandanna-clad boy that was clinging to the ceiling fan. Akane was actually more irritated at the waiter that just happened to be walking by, carrying a tray of beverages for another table. Instead of the knife she had lobbed into the air finding it's intended target, the blade landed against the edge of the waiter's serving tray, tipping it dramatically, and launching the beverages towards Ryoga. She didn't quite understand his reaction, it was just water and soda.  
  
After checking to ensure that there was no liquid that could accidentally find its way onto him, Ryoga relaxed a bit. They began their dinner, and as Ryoga dug in heartily, Akane couldn't find her appetite.  
__________________  
  
Ranma winced at his performance, as he attempted to grace through one of his more trying katas. that nagging feeling was beginning to really hinder him, now, and for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what it was about. It wasn't for Akane's welfare, since he actually trusted Ryoga to protect her with his life, if only to upstage his rival. He did have his concerns, but they were small.  
  
He had an odd feeling that it had something to do with whatever Kasumi and Nabiki were talking about, but couldn't be sure if it wasn't just their usual panic whenever Akane was out of sight.  
  
Realizing he was going to continue to suck until he had a clear concience, he decided that a conversation with Kasumi would help alleviate some concerns.  
__________________  
  
Ryoga started to realize something funny was going on. It was rather odd how many life-threatening predicements seemed to happen to Akane, perhaps Ranma did have some genuine concerns, after all. For this, he became that more dilligent, and decided that maybe they should get back to the Tendou home for the time being.  
  
Akane was finding he mood hindering her actions; any thing she did was pretty much by automatic pilot, all subconciously done. Her thoughts were mainly on the acute feeling of betrayal that was churning inside her. It distracted her enough to not notice when Ryoga stopped at the crosswalk.  
  
"AKANE, LOOK OUT!"  
  
"Huh? Ryoga, what are you doing way back there?" Akane asked, paying no mind to the cement mixer truck with a familiar pigtailed indenture on the front of it, barrelling down on her.  
  
Without hesitation, Ryoga acted fast. His feet pushed off, leaving a void of air that matter rushed to fill. Before Akane could barely blink, she was shoved out of the way of the oncoming vehicle.  
  
Ryoga braced for impact, and found himself airborne with surpisingly less pain than he had considered. everything seemed to be going in slow motion, when he realized his trajectory was sending him towards the canal.  
  
With the thought of having to reveal his curse to the girl he had currently swore to protect, he started ripping off bandannas from his forehead at a maddened pace, and tying them together. Just as he was descending to the cold waters below, he lashed the bandanna-chain out like a whip, and snagged onto a streetlamp. With his incredible strength, he torqued himself like a slingshot from the canal, putting him back on the other side of the fence. He landed, and began to kiss solid ground in thanks.  
  
The cement truck had attempted to swerve to miss Ryoga, its driver already in trouble for a previous incident. Unfortunately, he was unable to regain control, as he slammed into a western style fire hydrant, snapping the front off, which incidentally had been pointing to Ryoga.  
  
Almost like a danger-sense, the fanged boy, turned, and leapt out of the way of the jet stream of water. Akane had predicted his trajectory, and awaited him to land. She calmy waited some more for his frantic breathing to calm, before addressing him, "Wow, you're pretty good! Probably as good as Ranma!"  
  
Ryoga turned to glare at Akane, and make a retort, just as a chuckling todler ran in front of him, aimed, and shot him in the face.  
  
Akane blinked, and looked down at the pile of clothing with a little black piglet sitting on top, "Huh? How...?"  
  
Ryoga wanted to laugh, with all that effort, he still managed to get splashed. With a little piggy sigh, he awaited for the realization to set in, and then the taunts; just one more thing he vowed he would kill Ranma for.  
  
"Oh, I get it! You have a Jusenkyo curse like Ranma!" Akane replied. Ryoga looked at her, and begrudgingly nodded.  
__________________  
  
"Hey, Kasumi, about what you and Nabiki were talking about earlier..."  
  
"Oh, don't worry about it, Ranma," Kasumi replied, not looking from her preparations for dinner, "I don't think it should be anymore of your concern, now."  
  
Ranma felt a slightly sharp pang in his chest, but ignored it, "No, really, what's this all about?"  
  
Kasumi then chose that moment to look at Ranma, "You really don't know, do you?"  
  
"Well, that's why I'm ask'n!"  
  
Kasumi shook her head, and went back to cooking.  
__________________  
  
Ryoga had quickly dressed himself, after Akane dumped hot water over him from the other side of the wall to protect his modesty. He was grateful that she didn't insult him or make fun of his curse, but now something was seriously beginning to nag him about Akane. The comment about choking on fishbones, almost falling off the edge of the subway track, and onto the third rail, the standing under a falling plate glass window... all these deadly accidents couldn't just be a coincidence.  
  
Just as he finished putting on his shirt, and leapt over the wall, he notice Akane starting innocently at a run-away red-racer wagon, carrying several shards of broken glass at a velocity well capable of cutting leather into tiny ribbons.  
  
Right then, Ryoga knew...  
__________________  
  
"Come on, Nabiki! Why won't you guys tell me what's wrong?" Ranma pleaded.  
  
"What's wrong, concience getting the better of you?" Nabiki responded, not looking up from her manga.  
  
"Well, yeah," Ranma answered truthfully, "So, can ya tell me what's going on? I'll pay!"  
  
"You don't have enough to cover the down payment for this information, Saotome."  
  
Before Ranma could make a retort, they heard the front door open, and Akane announce her presence in a terse voice. Dismissing his previous concerns, Ranma rushed down the stairs to greet his fiancee and his rival, "Hey guys what's... up?"  
  
Ryoga stared at Ranma with a severely unamused expression, looking more worse for wear. Over his shoulder, he held a tightly chained up Akane, who wasn't putting in any effort to struggle.  
  
"Here," Ryoga barked, handing the bound girl to Ranma's care, "Have a nice life."  
  
"Hey! Thanks for the breather, man!" Ranma called out, "Ya wanna babysit her tomorrow?"  
  
Ryoga didn't even turn around, as he gave Ranma the bird over his shoulder. With that, he walked out of the Tendou home, hoping never to see Ranma, and more importantly, Akane, ever again. 


	16. Chapter 16

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
  
"Okay, what's with the silent treatment now?" Ranma enquired with an annoyed tone. Akane didn't even acknowledge him, as she continued to stare straight at the television.  
  
"Oh, come on, at least let me unchain you!" As Ranma approached the girl sitting bound at the dining table, she finally spoke.  
  
"Don't... just leave me alone."  
  
"Hey! What I do?" Ranma retorted, "We haven't even been around each other all day!" Akane again remained silent, staring towards the TV, but not actually focusing on it.  
  
"Fine, stay that way," Ranma threw his hands into the air, and walked away. Once he was out of Akane's sight, Kasumi and Nabiki each grabbed onto one of his arms.  
  
"Saotome, we need to talk, "Nabiki commanded."  
  
"This really important?" Ranma enquired, not really in the mood for the two older girls' antics.  
  
Both Kasumi and Nabiki lead him up to Nabiki's room, feeling their grim urgency should more than answer their sister's fiance's question. "Hey, we're not actually gonna leave Akane in there alone, are we?" Ranma enquired with a somewhat worried tone.  
  
Nabiki looked back in the direction of where her sister would be, "Don't worry, she has other things on her mind at the moment." With that, they all started upstairs.  
  
Akane hadn't even been paying attention to her sisters leading her fiance off. Nabiki was right about her being lost in her own thoughts; thoughts centering around hurt and betrayal, so soon after giving him another chance...  
_____________________  
  
Nabiki closed her door, and then turned to Ranma, "Sit."  
  
The pigtailed boy begrudginly obeyed, sitting at her desk, "What's this all about?"  
  
"Saotome," Nabiki started, "You screwed up!"  
  
Ranma shrugged, "Well, anybody finally gonna tell me how I screwed up?" Ranma blinked, realising something, "Waitaminute, this is about dumping Akane onto Ryoga, isn't it?"  
  
"Well," Kasumi interjected, "Yes, but-"  
  
"Oh, ain't this rich!" Ranma cut her off, "I find my own sucker to take my place, at least for the time being..." Ranma glanced down and away from the two sisters, "Since he wasn't stupid enough to take the job on a permenant basis..." He shifted his slate gray eyes back to Nabiki and Kasumi, "And I catch hell for it! Didn't you two AND your father do the same thing?"  
  
"Ranma, listen, we-"  
  
"Nope, don't even try to explain it, hypocracy isn't just a state in Greece."  
  
"It isn't even a state in Greece, Ran-" Nabiki attempted to correct.  
  
"Why is everyone mad at me? I didn't do anything different from what any of you did!" Ranma groaned in fustration, "Forget it, you're all nuts! I'm stuck as the fiance and full-time babysitter for Kavorkian's favorite patient, with potential father and sister-in-laws that flip out at the mention of some guy name Happosai!"  
_____________________  
  
Somewhere, in the Indian Ocean, air bubbles from several leagues below, broke the surface...  
_____________________  
  
"YOU SAID IT!!! YOU SAID THAT NAME!!!" Nabiki started wailing, while pointing at Ranma as if it would ward him off.  
  
The menacing grin on Ranma's face could not be mistaken. "Ohhhhh noooooo!!" Ranma gasped in mock fear, while clasping his hands together, "The big, bad, Happosai's gonna get me!!!"  
_____________________  
  
the water's began to churn, as the air bubbles started to come in more rapid succession; building quickly, and beginning to froth the water's surface...  
_____________________  
  
"HE's COMING! HE'S COMING HERE!!!" Kasumi wailed, attempting to push open the door that only swung inwards in her desperate attempt to obey that instinct from the reptilian part of her brain that commanded her to flee.  
  
"Oooh!" Ranma continued, in a ghastly tone, wiggling his fingers at the sides of his face, as if imitating some ghostly spector, "Haaaaaaaappppooooooo.... huh?"  
  
The pigtailed boy watched, as Kasumi's eyes rolled up into her head, and fell backwards in a faint. He then turned and found Nabiki sitting at the corner of her bed with her arms crossed over her chest, and straining to keep her legs tightly closed and knees against her chest. All the while shifting her wide, wild eyes from side to side, and occasionally to the ceiling, seeming to look for someone in fear well past paranoia.  
  
Ranma dropped his hands to his side, and shook his head, "Like I said, you're all nuts," With that, he left the room, lightly kicking the unconcious Kasumi's feet out of the way to exit.  
_____________________  
  
The waters suddenly calmed, returning to the calm seas they had been before...  
_____________________  
  
Ranma chuckled to himself; maybe he just needed an episode of 'The Tendou Family psychotics' to cheer him up a bit, "All these hysterics over this Happosai character..."  
_____________________  
  
The Indian Ocean erupted in a geyser; an explosion that almost rivaled the one caused by the nuclear testing the French conducted a few years ago in that very location...  
_____________________  
  
For two days, Ranma attepted to enjoy the peace he had from Akane's silent treatment, he really did. Unfortunately, he began to miss the kind, sweet girl that lay under the Spokesperson for euthenasia.  
  
It was the same annoying feeling he got from the last time he managed to get Akane mad at him. He wasn't so sure what hurt her so bad, at first, but after thinking about it for a while, he realized that even if she took great pleasure in finding eloquent ways of sanctioning herself, she had feelings, too.  
  
Ranma's brow furrowed, as he sat on the rooftop of the Tendou home, thinking hard on the situation. He knew it had something to do with handing her off to Ryoga like he did, but Akane took it rather well when her father and sisters passed her as a responsibility off onto him. It wasn't making any sense to him.  
  
With a groan of fustration, Ranma leapt from the roof, deciding that he knew he had to go to the source for any answers.  
  
He landed, and entered through the back door, where he found Akane, Nabiki, and Kasumi watching TV. The latter two were flanking their younger sister protectively, as if protecting her from herself. Once the two older girls noticed Ranma standing at the entrance to the dining room, they moved closer against Akane, stating loud and clear who they were protecting her from.  
  
"Ah..." Ranma started nervously, feeling the animosity in the room. He scrached the back of his head before continuing, "Mind if I speak with Akane, ah... alone?"  
  
Nabiki and Kasumi turned to look at their younger sister, who had still not bothered to acknowledge Ranma's presence. Both girls shook their head in unison.  
  
Ranma gritted his teeth, deciding that 'no' was not an option. Before any of the three girls could blink, Ranma was already hopping up to the roof with Akane in his arms.  
  
Akane gasped in surprise, pushing her head against Ranma's chest tighter. Sure, she could have saved her self if she fell, or better yet, not bothered, but she was still taken by surprise, nonetheless.  
  
She barely even realized when she and Ranma came to a stop on top of her house, as she clung to the pigtailed boy's back. Slowly, she turned her head to see Ranma staring back at her with an innocently curious expression.  
  
"Akane... we need to talk," Ranma stated as serious as he possibly could, while attempting to hide the nervous stutter that was threatening to erupt from him from the way Akane was holding onto him.  
  
Akane recalled her anger, and quickly pushed herself away from Ranma, "What do you want?"  
  
Ranma's face firmed, "I wanna know why you're so angry with me!"  
  
Akane looked at Ranma with a baleful glare, "Why do *you* think I'm mad at you, Ranma?"  
  
The martial artist groaned, irritated with the way the Tendou girls always seemed to answer a question with questions, "Is this about Ryoga the other day? How come you're mad at me, but not at your sisters for passing you onto me? Huh?"  
  
Akane snorted in distain, "Don't worry, I can let myself down..." With that, she walked to the edge of the roof, with her back turned to a befuddled Ranma, and tipped herself over the edge.  
  
Ranma swore, just barely managing to snap out of his confused daze, and diving to catch Akane's ankle, while keeping her from slamming her head into the wall.  
  
Akane's deep brown eyes looked back up at Ranma, "I wouldn't be such a burden to you if you wouldn't keep saving me." Her expression softened, "Why do you bother?"  
  
"Akane, I ain't gonna just let you kill yourself, no matter how tempting you make it!" Ranma snapped, holding steady to his fiancee's leg. Akane studied Ranma's fierce and determined expression, before reaching up her own hand to grab onto Ranma's wrist. Both of them collaborated to pull Akane back to the roof.  
  
"You gonna answer my question?" Ranma asked, allowing his irritation of the whole situation show through.  
  
Akane began to glare at him again, "How dare you bring my sisters into this!"  
  
"That ain't gonna change facts, Akane," Ranma retorted, not giving ground.  
  
"Fine," Akane growled. Her mouth opened, and shut, as she wasn't quite sure of the answer, herself on that one. She did know the reason she was mad at Ranma. "They did it because I am their sister."  
  
"That's not even a half-decent answer," Ranma replied, folding his arms across his chest.  
  
"Why do you do it, Ranma?" Akane continued, undaunted, "You do it for 'martial artist's duty'? Well, if that's the case, Kasumi and Nabiki relieved you, you're free to go!"  
  
"Damn it, Akane! Answer my question!" Ranma nearly shouted, grabbing Akane's arm.  
  
"Why are you pretending to care?" Akane snapped back, vehemantly, "You already showed me the first time when Ryoga showed up exactly how much you 'cared'. I give you a second change... deities, I was even blaming myself!" Akane threw her arms up, shaking Ranma's grasp off of herself. She turned back to Ranma, and he would be a complete fool to not notice the way her eyes watered up, "I gave you a second chance, and this is how you spend it? If you don't really care, Ranma, just say so!"  
  
"Akane..." the pigtailed boy took a tentative step towards the girl, "When you asked me if I wanted to be friends, I..." Ranma looked away from Akane, who had begun to stare back at him with curious expectation, "it was the first time in a long time I had anyone be that nice to me." Ranma turned away, fully from the girl, "When you're not making my life Hell, I... kinda don't mind being around you."  
  
"Oh, Ranma," Akane whispered, approaching his back. She stopped, and gave a silent gasp at what she saw over his shoulder.  
  
Ranma took a deep breath, and sighed in defeat, "I guess I got all the answers from you you're gonna give me, let's get down from-"  
  
"Ranma, you mind if we stay up here a bit longer?" Akane asked, forcing Ranma to sit beside her. Ranma turned to ask Akane what she wanted, before she pointed up ahead.  
  
"Ah..." Ranma started, "I guess that does look nice..."  
  
"Mmmhmm," Akane replied, subconciously leaning her head against Ranma's shoulder, as she continued to stare at the setting sun. Ranma didn't notice the action, nor did he notice the soft whisper she voiced.  
  
"I'll forgive you, this time, Ranma Saotome..." 


	17. Chapter 17

Akane the Suicidal  
  
  
  
  
"Thank you, Ranma," Akane stated with genuine gratitude, as she took another scoop from her sundae.  
  
"Hey," the redhead across from her replied non-chilantly, before looking back up at the other girl with a smirk, "After all, you deserved it."  
  
Akane blushed, looking down at the table with a small smile, but didn't reply.  
  
Ranma took another scoop of her own icecream, "I mean, two whole days, I didn't think you had it in ya!" Ranma didn't notice Akane blushing deeper.  
  
"Th-thanks."  
  
"Say, if you can keep this up for another day, how about I take you to the movies tomorrow?" Ranma-chan offered. She had started coming to the realization that bribes seemed to work well on Akane. Whenever the martial artist would set a goal, he would offer to take her out for a treat. He was a bit surprised at how fast Akane jumped on the first offer, but thought nothing of it. He was also glad that she got over whatever was causing her to flush like she was, probably some girl thing.  
  
"I... I'd like that," Akane replied, cupping both her hands around her sundae. It was the third date Ranma had taken her on, and he... well... she was asking for a fourth. She tried not to let on her excitement, as her friends always advised. 'Never let them know you're eager', they would say, and she had no other advice to follow but theirs. It was a lot harder than it sounded, though, she had to fight against the flustered nervousness she felt surging around her stomach like a bolt of lighting made of cotton, almost as hard as conciously fighting the 'urge' that presented itself at every opportunity.  
  
Akane had to internally groan at that, she never even stopped to consider it, but the phenominal amount of times she would unconciously find herself staring at a potentially life-ending ordeal with an oblivious smile and a hint of satisfaction within. The act itself didn't bother her one bit, but she knew it was anti-productive to her goals, which were to get Ranma to take her out on dates.  
  
Akane leaned forward and sighed, staring at Ranma-chan, as she was focused on the TV behind them. She couldn't remember the last time someone actually offered to spend time with her like this . Not like it was some duty for them to perform, but just to socialize... hang out. True, she had to earn it, but it was a small price to pay to be around her fiance in a somewhat, wel, remotely intimate situation.  
  
"Hey, I know that place..."  
  
Akane blinked, and turned to look at the TV. It was documenting some woman warrior tribe village in China, which actually sounded pretty interesting. Unfortunately, the loud tell-tale sound of something striking brick and heavy plaster with sledgehammer force, and the growing spiderweb fracture under the TV was somewhat distracting.  
  
After the fourth pounding, the wall threw in the towel, and took a dive. As the dust began to settle, a shapely, feminine figure stood in the haze.  
  
"Ranma..."  
  
Ranma groaned in dismay, burying her face in her arms. "Shampoo, what are you doing in Japan?" the redhead moaned in an irritated voice.  
  
Shampoo's answer was simple, really, "KILL!!!!" Since it was so simple, she felt the obligation to punctuate it with a mace through the table, incidentally where Ranma's head would have been.  
  
Of course, Ranma thought that it wasn't a good idea to leave her head where Shampoo had deigned to puncuate her statment, and pulled it, along with what was left of her sundae, out of the way in the nick of time. "Watch it! I'm not finished with that yet!"  
  
"Who's this, Ranma?" Akane's voice held an edge to it that Ranma hadn't ever heard from her before.  
  
"Just some violent maniac that followed me all the way from China," Ranma-chan replied, factually, while effortlessly dodging said violent girl's best attempts at interrupting Ranma's life prematurely. Ranma had to admit, though, Shampoo was making it difficult for her to continue eating her icecream before it melted.  
  
"Hmph," Akane replied, folding her arms and turning away, "Just don't expect us to let you keep her..."  
  
"Hey!" the redhead was suddenly in Akane's face, "It's not like I want her in the first pla-" Ranma ducked the horizontal swing of Shampoo's weapon, before realizing Akane wasn't going to do the same. Quickly kicking into a handstand, Ranma-chan kicked her heel against the head of the bonbori mace, sending it arcing over Akane's head.  
  
"Place!" Ranma finished, inverting herself up right, and glaring face to face with Akane.  
  
"Oh? Then what-" Ranma grabbed Akane around the waist, and swung her around, allowing both of them to pivot just out of the range of Shampoo's vertical downward blow. "-is this all about?"  
  
"It's a lon-" Ranma dropped into a sweep, taking Akane's legs from under her.  
  
"ACK!" Akane shouted out, as she started to fall to the ground. Shampoo's spinning heel kick just missed connecting with her head as she went down.  
  
"-g story!" Ranma finished, just managing to catch Akane before she hit the ground. With a quick hop, the redhead evaded Shampoo's falling ax kick, and put herself near a table.  
  
"Well," Akane retorted, "I'm waiting to hear it!" With that, Ranma grabbed the tablecloth off of the table they had come next to, startling the customers sitting at it, but amazingly leaving the contents of the table neatly intact, and threw it back behind her without looking.  
  
Shampoo had been lunging with her bonbori towards Ranma's head, as she became entangled in it. After a few precious seconds battling the inhibiting cloth, the Chinese native looked around the ice cream parlor, and growled. "Ranma!"  
  
"Ah..." the store clerk spoke up, pointing to the exit door that was swinging closed; perhaps if she took the hint, she would take her personal demolition derby somewhere else other than his store, "they went that way..."  
  
Ranma kept his hand over Akane's mouth, as he looked down from the roof of the ice cream parlor. They both watched Shampoo run out, look both directions, then pick one at random to follow. Once the huntress warrior was out of sight, Ranma-chan released her hand from Akane's mouth.  
  
"So," Akane started with an unamused tone, "What's the story with that girl? Old girlfriend or something?"  
  
"It's complicated," Ranma replied, rolling her eyes at Akane's comment; like he would ever date anyone that violent...  
  
"Kind of cute, isn't she?" Akane asked, probing Ranma for anything the redhead was hiding from her.  
  
"Sheesh! Let me take you back awhile, to China," Ranma started, "After my stupid Pops got us both cursed, the guide took us to this village with warrior chicks during some tournament they have every year. Well, me and stupid Pops were in our cursed forms and starv'n, and while we were watching that purple chick beat the crap outta some gorilla looking woman, whe started pigging out on the table full of eats.." Ranma shrugged, hopping down from the rooftop, followed shortly by Akane landing next to her easily, "We figured it was some sort of consession table for the fight and all, didn't know it was actually the first place prize."  
  
"Oh, Ranma," Akane groaned, that sounded like something he would do. They came along the canal that ran by the way towards their home, and in unison, hopped onto the fence. "What happened then?"  
  
Ranma's brow furrowed, "That purple haired chick went and got all ballistic, speaking really fast in chinese and all. The guide translated it for me, telling me she, as village champion, was upset and dishonored from us eating her first prize. So I told them that if I beat her, there wouldn't be a problem. So we both got on that log they were fighting on, and before she knew it, I booted her off the beam, and won." Ranma's expresion darkened completely into a grimace, "After that, she got up, walked over to me, and then kissed me..."  
  
Ranma blinked, realizing Akane wasn't still walking behind her, and turned around, "What's up?"  
  
Akane's face remained a confused pout, "I thought you were a girl at the time."  
  
"Let me finish," Ranma complained, "Anyways, the guide freaked out suddenly, grabbed my hand, and started running. He told me that Shampoo gave me the kiss of death or something. A promise to hunt me down to the ends of the earth and kill me. For the rest of the time me and Pops were in China, we had to look over our shoulders, because she was almost always there with some weapon of maiming." Ranma chuckled, "Thankfully, her aim with a bow and arrow's pretty poor."  
  
"So she chased you all the way to Japan, huh?" Akane replied, finding her humor again, "Well, at least she's cute, huh?"  
  
Ranma-chan turned to glare at her, "Would you stop?" Fortunately, they arrived home, so that the redhead wouldn't have to endure any more of Akane's taunts. Unfortunately, Kasumi announced that he had a guest...  
  
"Wow, how did she get her ahead of us?" Akane mused, as she stared at the Chinese girl innocently drinking tea with her eldest sister.  
  
"Ranma!" Shampoo shouted, just as Ranma-chan was about to stomp her foot through her father's fat head for allowing himself to be followed, and once again launched for the attack. The redhead easily bowed out of the way.  
  
"Can this wait? I have an endangered species to make a rug out of..."  
  
"HEY!" Akane jumped between Ranma and Shampoo, "None of this in the house!"  
  
Ranma groaned, and placed both of her hands on top of Akane's head, and leapfrogged over her, incidentally forcing Akane to duck shampoo's thrust to get to Ranma through her, and sepeerating herself from Akane to place the latter out of danger.  
  
Shampoo followed her trajectory over both of them, and spun around to bat at the landing girl's head. Ranma ducked low to evade the blow, and stood up, finding Akane in front of her again. "What the...?"  
  
Akane would not be ignored, and circled around to confront Ranma, "People live here! If you're gonna fight, take-" Akane jerked Ranma around to behind her, causing Shampoo's bonbori to pass through empty space, "-it outside!"  
  
"Oh yes," Kasumi piped in, "the dojo is exellent for things like that."  
  
"Oh, go Happosai or something," Ranma retorted, causing Kasumi to shrill in panic, and run through a nearby wall.  
  
"That wasn-"  
  
Ranma grabbed ahold of Akane's arms, and slid herself between the other girl's legs, which in turn forced Akane to duck the spinning toe kick Shampoo meant for Ranma-chan's head.  
  
"-'t very ni-"  
  
Akane roughly pulled them both to the side, evading Shampoo's followup thrust kick.  
  
'-ce, Ranm-"  
  
Ranma and Akane both leapt over the low sweep Shampoo comitted. Ranma, Shampoo, and Akane all blinked in unison, before Shampoo and Ranma turned to the latter with puzzled looks. Akane shrugged indifferently, not sure how to explain the reason why she evaded.  
  
Shampoo decided to break the ackward pause, "DIE, RANMA!"  
  
Ranma grabbed Akane's shoulders, while placing her foot into the raven-haired girl's gut. She managed to pull Akane down out of the way of the bonboris that clanged together where their heads would have been, and then launched Akane over both him and Shampoo in a high arced tomoe throw. Akane effortlessly landed behind Shampoo, but was not satisfied with concluding things with her bodyguard just yet.  
  
"Excuse me," Akane offered, lightly pushing Shampoo to the side. Shampoo recognized the polite phrase, and stepped aside without thinking. the Chinese girl then went back into her blind killing rage, and thrust her mace at the back of Akane's head, which happened to be in the way of Ranma's head. Right before impact, Shampoo realized something. Why is it this girl kept getting in the way of her prey? It was like she was protecting her, but not putting up any form of protection for herself. It was almost as if she had some kind of death....wish...  
  
"She's probably halfway to Hokkiado by now!" Akane almost shouted in fustration, "And you know how much it's going to fix this wall?"  
  
"Geez, I said I was sorry all... ready... what's her problem?" Ranma trailed off, looking behind the both of them. Akane blinked, and turned to find Shampoo slamming her bonbori into the floor repeatedly, while shouting in hyperfast Mandarin that even to those who didn't understand the language would find rather... colorful. 


	18. Chapter 18

Akane the Suicidal  
Chapter 18  
  
  
We all have our little quirks, and dear Shampoo was far from an exeption. With her training under her great-grandmother, and all the legends and Amazon treasures that were kept in the Matriarch's custody, it would be understandable of how Shampoo came across hers. You see, the teenage Amazon had, at one time, came to a conclusion that has stuck with her ever since her tender adolecent days.  
  
Her Great-Grandmother Cologne overlooked it, citing that Shampoo's litte quirk would serve her a good deal. Perhaps an oversight on the old lady's behalf, but what's done, was done.  
  
It started simple, small things like always making sure her shoes were on the correct feet, the insistance on wearing her favorite color often, red, whenever numbers came up, she would pick the number 'eight'. Nothing extravagant and all.  
  
Later on, Shampoo's little nuance started to grow a bit. Cologne would humor her heir by choosing not to sweep New Year's day, but the house would get rather dusty, when Shampoo demanded that they wait for a month or so. At poor Lau Xian's funeral, Shampoo stumbled about all day, what with the blindfold over her eyes, ensuring she never saw a mirror near the body before it was creamated. a bit irritating, but some one tolerable.  
  
Of course, as the future leader of her village, Shampoo began to study other cultures. After studying African traditions, one night, Shampoo dreamed of being bit by a snake. Cologne tenderly explained to the 'expecting' Shampoo that she had to meet certain... criteria... before she had concieved. After European history, Shampoo nearly set the house on fire when she set fire to the hairs on her brush and comb that had been shedded during her care.  
  
It probably didn't help that Shampoo was a bit of the gullible sort, too. The reason Cologne decided she *needed* to convince Shampoo that she wasn't pregnant? Well, the imported cans of Seven-Up that Shampoo had learned from a fellow young warrior should be consumed while hanging upside down to rid a pregnancy were becoming somewhat expensive...  
  
Why is it that Shampoo's little superstitious problem is being mentioned...?  
_______________________  
  
Shampoo stared at the sleeping redhead that lay in the room of 'her', the girl with the death wish. It galled Shampoo that she had to switch to such lowly tactics in order to claim her revenge on the impudent outsider that flippantly defeated her, but she feared more the risk that the 'cursed one' would once again get in the way.  
  
Shampoo had no curiosity of what it would be like to catch Akane's problem; for once the cursed one was claimed for the next life, the curse would then claim its next victim, namely the one that freed it in the first place.  
  
Now, that shouldn't have proven so much a problem, since the black-haired girl wasn't Shampoo's target. Unfortunately, she happened to be a slight obstacle that could prove a bit complicated if the Amazon attempted to kill the 'obstacle'.  
  
The lavender-haired girl quietly snuck into the room, relieved to find Akane sleeping in a western style bed, while Ranma slept on a bedroll on the floor; for a bit, from the way the acted, Shampoo had to wonder if the two girls were... like that.  
  
With a quick glance to Akane, who had been sleeping fitfully, finally rid of the chains Ranma used to bind her in when she slept, Shampoo grew a satisfied smirk. It was doubtful the cursed one would prove a hinderance tonight.  
  
With stealth bred from a short lifetime of zealous training, Shampoo stalked over to the sleeping redhead. It was just too easy this way, she thought to herself, as she raised her sword into the air, ready to stab down into the sleeping girl's chest. With a slight pause to savor her upcoming victory, the sharp blade descended, stabbing into the bedding.  
  
Shampoo blinked, before pulling the sword from where Ranma had been. She brought it up, ready to stab down to where Ranma had rolled over to in her only slightly less fitful sleep as her roommate. Just as Shampoo was about to stab down again, an audible 'thunk' sounded behind her.  
  
With a quick turn into a defensive stance with her sword held horizontal over her head, she found Akane now on the floor, having rolled off her bed, still fast asleep. Shampoo winced in sympathy, before turning back to Ranma.  
  
This time, she opted to attempt to separate Ranma's head from her neck, and chopped downwards. Shampoo then pulled her sword back up, after coughing a bit from the flurry of feathers from the pillow she just heartlessly butchered. she held her breath, as Ranma was now sitting up, scratching slightly under her breasts. once the apparent itch was gone, she laid back down.  
  
Shampoo growled, finding her focus only on the redhead on the ground. She reversed the grip on her sword, and went to pierce her enemie's heart.  
  
She was forced to stop just about a little more than a foot from Ranma-chan's chest; the approximate width of Akane's torso.  
  
Shampoo's eye twitched, finding the raven-haired girl now sprawled over the sleeping redhead from rolling over to them from her own position on the floor, both in blissful slumber. With a sigh, wishing she could get her own shuteye right now, Shampoo delicately rolled Akane from on top of Ranma. and readied herself for the kill.  
  
Once again, the blade stabbed into the bedding, as Ranma shifted a bit to get more comfortable, causing her body to contort where the sword descended.  
  
Shampoo swore profusely under her breath, before quickly raising the blade back up, and attempting to quickly stab down before the girl swirmed any more. Just as she rose the blade up, Akane rolled back over onto Ranma, and then flopped herself face up, arms spread wide, exposing her open, undefended chest.  
  
With a squawk of fright, Shampoo just *barely* managed to redirect the descent of her blade to the other side of Ranma. With a low growl, she pulled her weapon out from where it deeply pierced the ground, and then roughly dragged Akane from off of Ranma by her arm. Once the youngest Tendou daughter was removed from on top of Ranma, Shampoo attempted to stab Ranma again.  
  
The redhead rolled over onto her side away from Akane, causing the blade to just barely slice through part of her tanktop. Not to be deterred from what was supposed to be an *easy* kill, the Amazon quickly made another attempt.  
  
Akane once again, rolled over, but this time, Shampoo anticipated it just in case, and paused abruptly, shifted the descent of her sword, and went after the open part of Ranma's chest. Ranma rolled back towards Akane, and her subconcious was irritated at finding another body invading her personal space.  
  
Shampoo's blow went just behind Ranma's back, stabbing into the bedding, and in an intense fit of fustration, pulled the blade back up and plundged it down towards Ranma again. Akane forced herself tighter against Ranma, snuggling into the redhead, and even moving her back a few inches. Ranma didn't seem comfortable with another body in close proximity, particularly with the heat in the room, and pushed away from Akane, moving the both of them away from Shampoo's strike, and then rolled back onto her side, facing away from Akane.  
  
Shampoo was panting from the near-strike into Akane, found herself profusely thanking her ancestors for the divine intervention. This time, Shampoo took careful aim at Ranma-chan, and with a do or die ready strike, she raised the blade into the air...  
  
Only to have Akane roll back over, and drape her arm and whole side over the redhead, unconciously burying her head into the lush crimson locks, and taking a slight wiff of Ranma's scent.  
  
Shampoo faught the fitful scream, as she was put completely off-balance, and was about to fall atop of the two slumbering girls. She managed to arrest her fall just short of landing on the two girls, finding her face atop the two girls snuggling against each other.  
  
With careful practice, the young Amazon used her hands and tips of her feet to walk down the length of the two girl's bodies', making sure not to stumble. Once she had cleared their feet, Shampoo rolled into sitting position against the wall, pulled her knees against her chest, and cried.  
_______________________  
  
Ranma-chan woke up, finding a not too unpleasant sensation of someone snuggling against her back. For a few moments, she savored the warm body that wasn't her own, before her sleep-fogged mind cleared a bit more. First thought that came to mind, was that if it was her panda-brained father against her again, mumbling about some woman named Nodoka, she was going to have to beat him so hard, his dreams would be wet with his blood.  
  
Slowly turning over, Ranma brought her fist back, finding Akane's peaceful and content and sleeping expression. Still somewhat confused, Ranma opted to awaken the girl, instead of decking her. "Akane? What are you doing in my bed?"  
  
Akane easily woke, blinking the sleep from her eyes. With a puzzled expression, she looked back at Ranma with bleary eyes, before cracking a tired smile, "Morning, Ranma."  
  
"Why are you in my bed?" the redhead again asked, growing a bit flushed from Akane's closeness. It was then that Akane realized she was on the floor, and then looked around. Only a few moments came before her eyes locked onto Shampoo, who was sleeping against the wall, with her knees tucked in.  
  
"Oh, Shampoo!" Akane exclaimed, sitting up, "I wonder what' she's doing here?"  
  
Ranma noticed the Amazon, and frowned, "Well, let's find out."  
  
Ranma-chan reached out to shake the sleeping girl awake, before she was stopped by Akane. "let her be, Ranma," Akane pleaded. Ranma was about to argue, before Akane continued, "Look at her, she's completely haggared. Let her sleep."  
  
Begrudgingly, Ranma pulled her hand back, "Alright, I guess. let's go get ready for school." With that, both girls gathered a change of clothes, and headed for the downstairs bathroom, leaving shampoo sleeping with a blanket Akane tucked around her.  
_______________________  
  
The miserably-looking Amazon staggered down the stairs, finding the Tendous and the Saotomes sitting at the table for breakfast. "Oh, good morning, Shampoo!" Kasumi greeted, "Akane had me set a place just for you. I hope you enjoyed your sleep-over!"  
  
Shampoo stumbled over to the spot that Kasumi gestured her to sit, between her father at the head of the table, and Nabiki at the side. The lavender-haired girl nodded in appreciation, as Kasumi served her, and then began to eat.  
  
After a mouthful, Nabiki set her chopsticks down, before smirking at her younger sister and her bodyguard, "So, what were you two up to, last night?"  
  
"Huh?" Akane started to enquire, "What are you talking about?"  
  
"Well..." Nabiki started buffering her nails against her jumper, "It's just that you two were making an awful lot of racket last night, and did I hear something this morning about waking up in the same bed?"  
  
Akane and Ranma blinked in unison, before turning to look at each other in confusion. After a moment, realization dawned upon them, before they began to make their avid denials.  
  
"Ah! It was nothing like that!" Akane avowed.  
  
"Oh my, that really isn't proper," Kasumi chided.  
  
"What? We didn't do anything!" Ranma bellowed.  
  
"Son, I really wish you two would wait until you're married," Soun replied with a frown, before perking up, "We'll have the wedding when you get back from school!"  
  
"DADDY!" Akane shouted, scandalized.  
  
"You do, and I'll turn it into your funeral," Ranma snarled, baring his teeth almost as if he had fangs.  
  
Shampoo, for the most part, remained somewhat oblivious to it all. She curtly finished her serving, before turning to Kasumi, "Is good." With that, she got up, and staggered to the exit of the tea room, throwing one, narrow-eyed, baleful glare towards Akane, and went in search of the red-headed bane of her existance.  
  
"I wonder what's her problem?" Nabiki enquired out loud, earning nods from everyone at the table.  
_______________________  
  
Shampoo had searched the area thoroughly, and not found a trace of the redhead. She decided that, unfortunately, if she wanted to keep tabs on her prey, she would have to tail the suicidal one.  
  
Tracing the route from the Tendou home that the nice girl Kasumi pointed out for her, she found Akane, and sure enough the redhead. From her perch, Shampoo awaited her opportunity...  
  
"I said I was sorry!" Akane apologised, once more.  
  
"Now I'm gonna have to maim your father when I get home from school today," the redhead replied, shaking the water from her hair; she was *really* beginning to despise that old lady, "You know I kinda like to relax a bit when I get home!"  
  
"i'll talk to Daddy, okay?" Akane replied, turning to face the redhead walking directly behind her like a prison guard, "I'm sure he won't do anything rash, though."  
  
"Whatever," Ranma replied, walking around Akane, and continuing onto school, "Let's get going, I hate standing in the hall when we're late."  
  
Akane stood there, with her head down, before she brought her wrist up to her eye level, checking her wrist watch, "OH NO! I didn't realize we were running this late!" Akane started, before Ranma grabbed her shoulder.  
  
"Oh no," the redhead proclaimed, "We're not taking any of *your* shortcuts, this time, we'll go mine!" With that, the both leapt onto a nearby rooftop, as the arrow passed through the spot Akane, and prior to that, Ranma, had been standing.  
  
Shampoo walked out into the open with listless strides, staring off to where the two had vanished from. The bow that hung slack in her hand fell to the ground with a light clatter of wood against concrete, followed shortly by Shampoo collapsing to her knees, unable to still her fiercely pounding heart.  
_______________________  
  
Throughout school, Akane couldn't shake the blush she wore, from the thought of how she had actually slept with Ranma. Granted, they were both girls, and nothing perverted happened (thankfully), but the feeling of holding Ranma's body against hers like a large teddy-bear warmed her to no end.  
  
She looked up at the redhead, who was growling and muttering obsceneties about girls who randomly dump buckets of cold water out of three story windows. The raven-haired girl was finding it difficult to guage Ranma's feelings for her; she didn't seem adverse to them all that much, but she wasn't exactly coaxing Akane, either.  
  
"RANMA! YOU IS DYING NOW!!!"  
  
Shampoo's desperate, finalized proclimation snapped Akane from her reverie, as she turned to find the Amazon descending upon a severely annoyed Ranma with a large and sharp spear. Without hesitation, Akane stepped between the murderous Amazon and her fiance with a determined fighting stance. "If you're gonna try to hurt Ranma, you have to get through ME first!"  
  
You could almost hear the airbreaks work, as Shampoo tried to stop her fall, before opting to twist in the air from harming the suicidal girl.  
  
Shampoo landed in a crumpled heap, before slowly picking herself off the ground. Akane was shocked from the girl's landing, and rushed over to make sure she was alright, "Shampoo, are you okay?"  
  
At the sound of Akane's concerned voice, something in Shampoo broke. Akane staggered back and onto her feet, when Shampoo shot to hers, and started shouting vehemantly at the other girl in her native Chinese. Akane placed her hands up in a placating gesture, when Shampoo began to shout louder, bringing her right hand up horizontal to chest level, and then jabbing her index finger repeatedly into Akane's sternum.  
  
The youngest Tendou looked pleadingly at Ranma, who could only shrug and shake her head in a confused response. By that point, Shampoo was nearly to tears, putting her face right in front of Akane's, shouting in a nearly shrill voice that drew the attention of other students returning home, and neighborhood residents, stamping her foot, and bawling her fists so tight that her nails bit into her palms.  
  
"Hey, HEY! Shampoo!" Ranma grabbed the Chinese girl's shoulder, attempting to quell her ire, "It's okay, alright? Don't let it upset you!"  
  
At the sound of Ranma's voice, Shampoo began to openly sob, before turning into Ranma, burying her lavender head into Ranma's bosom, and crying hysterically.  
  
"Whoa," Akane replied, trying to get over what just happened, "I think she having a nervous breakdown, or something."  
  
Ranma tried her best to shrug, while circling her arms around the taller girl to console her, "I wonder what got her so mad at you?"  
  
Akane came up behind Shampoo, and rubbed her hand in the small of the weeping girl's back, "It's okay, Shampoo, just let it all out..."  
  
After a few moments, Shampoo's cries turned back into sobs, before they too quieted. Shampoo then looked up in gratitude to the girl holding her, and allowing her to vent the intense fustration she was feeling. As she looked into Ranma-chan's concerned face, gratitude was replaced by confusion, which was then replaced by anger, finally giving in to full rage.  
  
"DIE, RANMA!"  
  
Akane blinked, staring after the racing girls, one pursuing the other with a large viking battle-ax, before her own expression grew into an irritated frown, "HEY, YOU TWO, WAIT UP!!!"  
_______________________  
  
Shampoo took a sip from the tea Kasumi provided for her, before turning to look balefully at the girl sitting at the other end of the table, cheerfully and obliviously doing homework on her Apple titanium notebook. Superstition be damned, Shampoo finally decided. If she wanted to rid herself of Ranma, and restore her honor, she would HAVE to remove the crazy-girl first.  
  
With grim determination, Shampoo brought to bear the battle-ax she was chasing Ranma with, stood in front of Akane, and raised it above her head.  
  
Akane paused, and looked up from her work, "Something wrong, Shampoo?"  
  
"You is obstacle..." Shampoo stated in a mechanical, emotionless voice, "obstacles is for killing."  
  
Akane blinked, before giving an apologetic pout, "Um, I'm sorry if I've been an inconvenience to you. What did I do?"  
  
Shampoo chose not to answer, instead tightening her grip on the handle of her weapon. femenine muscles clenched, ready to drop the ax, splitting the girl in two horizontally, the kill would not go anywhere, and the death would be quick.  
  
Unfortunately, Shampoo's flat, lusterless eyes found Akane's oblivious, concerned ones. Shampoo imagined herself, after doing away with this girl, and then Ranma, wearing that same expression, the next time a rival in her village challenged her. he could easily picture herself, seemingly blissfully unaware of the danger she was in, when an overzealous male, such as one particular blind fool, readied the finishing blow, breaking her into forced matrimony...  
  
Shampoo's expression didn't change, as the ax tumbled backwards from her nervless fingers. Akane blinked a couple of times, before a hint of irritation crossed her face, and she turned back to her homework, "Tease..."  
  
"We shall never meet again" Shampoo replied in her native language, before walking from the tearoom, just as Ranma was entering.  
  
"Seen Kasumi?" The redhead replied, toweling her face off, with one hand, while holding a glass of water in the other, "I need to tell her that the faucet broke again... where's Shampoo going?"  
  
"Shampoo no hunt Ranma anymore," the Amazon said factually, heading for the front door, and then putting on her slippers.  
  
Both Akane and Ranma followed her to the door, just as she was letting herself out, "Huh? What gives?"  
  
Shampoo gave the redhead an expressionless glare, before replying to her inquery, "Shampoo fed up, decide tell Great-Grandmother you is actually sterile male. Is no good for kiss of Death or Marriage."  
  
"HEY!" Ranma shouted back, adimantly, before a hand resting on her shoulder cut her off. She turned to find Akane shaking her head, quelling any further outburst.  
  
Both of them walked out with Shampoo onto the front porch, and watched the Amazon stride out of the front gates. "Man, just like that," Ranma-chan replied, still confused at what happened.  
  
Akane turned to Ranma with a peculiar, nervous expression, "You sound like you miss her already!"  
  
"Na," the redhead replied, "I mean, it's just that first Ryoga, then her... it's just the way with you how easy some of my problems just seem to go away."  
  
"Oh?" Akane answered, shyly, "Maybe I'm just your goodluck charm?"  
  
"Heh," the young Saotome heir replied, "Whatever..."  
  
They both continued to watch Shampoo walk into the rising evening. 


	19. Chapter 19

"Bored..." Ranma drolled, flopping his torso onto the tearoom table. He wasn't going to say it out loud, but since Shampoo left, things had been way too quiet. The peace they were suffering from was almost a curse in itself, as thing set into routine.  
  
"Hey, Akane..."  
  
The raven-haired girl looked towards her bodyguard with a lethergic expression, still twirling her finger towards the air at almost eye level "Ranma?"  
  
"You get the feeling things are too quiet lately?"  
  
"I'd enjoy it while it lasts," Akane replied, twirling her finger closer to her face, allowing the razor-sharp scissors to spin closer to her neck. Akane's head perked up at an idea, incidentally presenting her esophagus to open incident, "You can always take me out for icecream again!"  
  
"No money," Ranma replied tiredly, unconciously calculating the seconds left before he would have to snatch the scissors from Akane, not that he was in a rush.  
  
"Oh," Akane tilted her head in contemplation, leaving her right jugular unprotected. "Well, I have some money, how about I take you ou-"  
  
::THWANG!!!::  
  
"Hmm," Ranma started, with his head still tilted to the side, "Weren't those a brand new pair of scissors?"  
  
"Oh!" Akane exclaimed, staring at the plastic scissor handle, and then to the rest of the scissors imbedded in the wall, after passing through where Ranma's head had been just a nanosecond before, "Those could have hurt someone!"  
  
"Eh," Ranma replied, glad he didn't have to move to take the sharp objects from Akane. Today, he just wasn't feeling as energetic as he usually did.  
  
"Now that you mention it," Akane mused, looking back to the plastic ring around her finger, "Nabiki did just buy these afterschool, yesterday." her face scrunched up in contemplation, "Maybe it's an omen..."  
  
"Nabiki's gonna kill you for ruining her new scissors," Ranma commented idly. You know how she gets when-"  
  
GETITOFFGETITOFFKAMIITWON'TGETOFFSOMEBODYHELPMEWHYWON'TITCOMEOF?!?!?"  
  
Akane and Ranma blinked, as they watched Nabiki suddenly burst into the tearoom, slam face first into a couple of walls, start pounding her chest with her fists frantically, throw herself onto the ground, and crawl on her stomach and chest like a dog with a miserable and incessant itch. After that, she suddenly picked up the teatable, and started pounding her front with it desperately, before racing into the kitchen. Akane and Ranma noted that the middle Tendou sister was currently rummaging through the knife drawer, from the sounds of the rustling going on.  
  
"Hmm," Ranma shrugged, and went back to being lethergic.  
_______________________  
  
Akane the Suicidal  
Ch 19  
______________________  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Neither Akane or Ranma bothered to look up, as Kasumi came racing into the room, holding a kettle of water she was about to put on the stove.  
  
"Your sister's are acting weird again," Ranma commented idly, ignoring Kasumi as she bellyflopped onto the ground, picked herself back up, and then bellyflopped onto the ground again.  
  
"Just ignore them," Akane nearly growled, irritated at the way Ranma said '*your* sisters'; she couldn't help it if her family were a bunch of freaks. They both lazily looked up, as they watched Kasumi's swan dife from the roof, onto her chest, before she got up, ran to one of the trees in the yard, and started scraping her chest against it.  
  
"You know?" Ranma began, "I can't help but find amusement in this..."  
  
"It's not funny, Ranma," Akane said, before groaning. She pointedly turned away, as Kasumi retrived the family halberd from the dojo, and started beating her chest and backside with it.  
  
"You have to admit, with all that panicked activity, it's pretty impressive she hadn't managed to spill a drop from that-"  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
::Splash::  
  
"Kettle..." Ranma finished, lamely, "I guess I shoulda saw that coming." With a sigh, Ranma rested her head on her hand, proped up on her elbow. Her meloncholy wasn't even disturbed by Kasumi running behind her, attempting to flatten out at her chest with a hot iron.  
  
"Well," Akane observed, "This is the first time the whole day you've been..."  
  
Ranma looked up at Akane after her voice trailed off, and saw her eyes going large and round in shock, as she stared at her bodyguard/fiance. Ranma then noted where she was staring at.  
  
"Hmph, not only is she a psycho-chick, she's a perv-" Ranma looked down at herself, finally noticing a certain... discomfort on her chest.  
  
"HOTCHA! MUST BE JELLO BECAUSE PUDDING DON'T JIGGLE LIKE THAT! So nice, so firm..." exclaimed said discomfort, as it remained firm-fast to Ranma-chan's chest.  
  
As tender as a mother with her child, Ranma gently pried the creature from her person, and with affectionate calm, she switched her grasp from its waist to its neck. Finally, with a warm smile and quiet voice, Ranma said, "Embrace death."  
  
"GRANDFATHER HAPPOSAI!!!" Akane exclaimed, leaping to her feet, and snatching the gagging old man in Ranma's hands.  
  
"Hey! Give it back!" Ranma shouted.  
  
"Ranma," Akane began to admonish, while cradling the teary-eyed pervert in her arms like an infant, "Show some respect to the Grandmaster of our schools!"  
  
"What are you talk'n about?" Ranma asked, before noting for the first time that the creature in Akane's cradle was humanoid, "Who you say it was, again?"  
  
"Grandmaster Happosai!" Akane proclaimed excitedly, holding the ancient martial artist out at arms length in front of Ranma facing the redhead.  
  
The letch puckered his lips, before making a smooching sound at Ranma, "Hey ya, cutie, how's it goin'?"  
  
Ranma blinked, before raising her hand up to eyelength, and studying her nails. Nodding that they were sufficient enough, she made a sharp slash at Happosai.  
  
"Heh, you're friend here's got spunk!" Happosai chortled, after Akane managed to pull him from Ranma's swipe before damage could be done, "Ya gonna introduce me?"  
  
"Grandfather Happosai, this is Ranma, my fiance," Akane motioned almost giddily.  
  
Ranma gave Akane a half-lidded stare, before looking down at two prominant lumps on her front, and then looking back to Akane. Akane caught her slip-up, and blushed.  
  
Unfortunately, the blush was mis-interpreted by her master. "Oh-ho!" Happosai bellowed, staring between Akane and Ranma, "Oh, Akane-chan, how you do your old master proud!"  
  
"It-it's not like that!" Akane attempted to argue. Her statement was undermined by blush she wore growing deeper.  
  
"Eh, I know how it is, ya want me to keep this a secret, well ol' Happosai's full of unrevealed secrets!" the old man announced, leaping out of Akane's arms and onto the table.  
  
"Happosai... Hey, you're that guy that freaks Nabiki, Kasumi, Pops, and Mr. Tendou out all the time when someone mentions your name!" Ranma stated.  
  
"Eh? Your Pops..." Happosai's eyes narrowed, "Say, you're Genma's child, Ranma, huh? I thought he had a son!"  
  
Before Ranma could retort in the fashion of severe physical trauma, Akane intervined, "Where've you been? Daddy and Nabiki said you met with a tragic accident!"  
  
Happosai and Ranma's expressions softened at the sight of Akane nearly coming to tears from the memory. "Ah, don't fret about it, Akane-chan!" Happosai answered, sitting down in a lotus position, before taking a pipe from his gi, and lighting it, "It takes a lot more than them Frenchie firecrackers to keep ol' Happy down! HA! Now those Americans, boy do THEY know how to make a bomb!"  
  
"Are you going to start teaching me and Ranma, now?" Akane asked with a hopeful tone, "Ranma's a martial artist, too!"  
  
"Hmm thought as much," Happossai leaned towards Ranma, who stared impassively back at the old letch, "You're not half-bad, cutie. Only a handful of women have ever been able to pry themselves from my affection!" With motion Ranma barely noticed, Happosai leapt, "Let's make sure that wasn't some sort of fluke!"  
  
As fast as Happosai was, Ranma managed to evade that much faster. Akane stared around the tearoom in surprise, as Ranma and Happosai darted around it in something a little less than blurs. "Wow, I never realized Ranma was that good!"  
  
"You touch me again old man, and so help me, I'll make that nuclear explosion seem like a diaper rash!" Ranma warned, still frantically dodging the groping elder martial artist.  
  
"Oh, how can you scorn a harmless old man? Now stand still, and let me cry into your bosom!"  
  
Akane sighed in delight; Happosai, the Grandmaster of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, had returned. "Oh! I need to go tell Daddy and Mr. Saotome! They'll be so surprised!" 


	20. Chapter 20

Akane the Suicidal  
"STAND STILL SO YOU CAN DIE INCREDIBLY HORRIBLY!!!" Ranma-chan commanded, bounding from rooftop to rooftop in pursuit of the zig-zagging geriatric ball of perversion. The redhead pushed herself to the fullest of her abilities, every so often coming close enough to almost grasp her current object of ire. Much to her misfortune, the proclaimed grandmaster of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts proved easily nimble and just as evasive as Ranma was pursuitive. They both danced with skill beyond most practiced martial artists; one making sport of it all, while the other endeavored to make the other one deceased. As the chase went on between the two, Akane struggled to keep up with her newly returned master and her bodyguard; hoping she would be able to stop Ranma before he attempted something drastic, and got severely harmed for his efforts.  
  
"Missed me, missed me!" Happosai exclaimed, as he twisted into the air and off the current rooftop to the ground below. Ranma quickly changed directions, dropping down in hopes of flattening the little pervert into street pizza. Happosai landed deftly on the display nail bed, and rebounded over a nearby stone wall. Ranma-chan didn't land as deftly, but from the way every nail on Bijan's nailbed warped away from her impact, her landing was just as impressive.  
  
"GET BACK HERE!!"  
  
Akane landed face first in her bellyflop, the wind knocked out of her and extremely dissappointed. "Ouch."  
  
Ranma kept her focus on the demon ahead of her, while precariously dodging the streaming projectiles around her. One managed to head to her dead on, only to to have the redhead catch it absently, and then toss it in the direction it was heading.  
  
"WAIT UP!!!" Akane shouted, landing in the yard. She stopped, noticing the lack of sharp flying things, and turned to the Nerima Archer's club celebrating one of their members getting the first bullseye of the day. "Oh, for crying out loud!"  
  
Ranma started to slow down, as she was about to leap into the next yard, "Geez, that old geezer goes on forever!"  
  
Just as she was about to give up...  
  
"Don't dishearten, cutie! Happy hadn't forgotten about ya!"  
  
"ACK!!!" With a double fisted blow, Ranma pounded the ancient pervert off her chest, and down into the yard below. Happosai laughed heartily, as he dropped to the ground below, and weaved through the growling and barking dogs; content that his gentle persuasions for Ranma to continue went acknowledged.  
  
Ranma's vision was tinged with a quaint shade of blood red, as she endeavored not to let the sanctioned midget get away from her. One particularly vicious looking dog, the one with all the froth around its mouth and such, leapt at the redhead, lost to its own fury.  
  
"Play dead," Ranma commanded, not even turning to the dog who met heavily with her fist. It twitched a couple of seconds, before completely passing out.  
  
Akane landed in the yard, panting lightly, and turned to stare at the dogs now cowering in the corners of the yard.  
  
"Hee hee! It's so nice to be able to get out and stretch my legs!" Happosai crowed, dodging just outside of each blast radius that came within his vicinity.  
  
"I agree with ya, old man!" Ranma returned heatedly, "I'm gonna stretch your legs around your neck, and while I'm at it, I'm gonna tie your arms together, and I'm gonna take your head, bend you backwards, and shove it up your-"  
  
Ranma caught the black spherical bomb that was being used in today's Xtreme Sports competition; Ballistics shotputt, and hurled it back in the direction it came from, "WATCH IT WITH THOSE THINGS!"  
  
Akane lagged behind her master and her fiance, not paying attention to the charred and whimpering group of competition participants.  
  
Rana landed in the middle of Furinkan High's schoolgrounds spying Happosai sitting in lotus position, smoking his pipe without concern. "Good," Ranma growled, tensing her hands like talons, "Now just keep still, that way I don't miss breaking all the REALLY painful points..."  
  
"I have to admit," Happosai replied in a cool voice making him sound oblivious to the redhead's near blinding rage, "Genma did a good job with you, boy. I would almost be jealous, if not for the fact that he had a headstart training you over my time with Akane-chan."  
  
Ranma froze, and blinked, before looking down at herself. Yup, still a girl. "How?"  
  
"How did I know you were a guy?" Happosai finished for Ranma, "Not a difficult thing to note, during my age. Besides, I watched your Jusenkyo curse kick in."  
  
"Oh," Ranma replied, nodding slightly at the answer, "DIE!"  
  
"QUIT PICKING ON MASTER HAPPOSAI!!!" Akane bellowed, as she removed her elbow from the top of Ranma-chan's head.  
  
"Ha! That's the ol' Akane I remember!" Happosai chortled, springing back to his feet, "I see you've been keeping up with your training." He walked over to Akane, and circled around her with a scrutenizing eye.  
  
The youngest Tendou nervously stood, with her face flushed with nervousness, "Y-yes, Master Happosai, but I'm afraid I haven't been able to progress much."  
  
Happosai held up a hand, as Ranma came back to her feet, "I understand, it's not like that worthless father of yours would be willing to *REALLY* train his precious baby girl, now would he?"  
  
"Waitaminute..." Ranma interjected, "Now that I've met you, I can't see HOW ANYONE in their right mind would allow you to train ANYONE!!!"  
  
"Ranma, show some respect!" Akane growled, angered by Ranma's audacious attitude to their master.  
  
Happosai blew it off entirely; still giddy from the romp cross him and Akane's favorite training path, "Heh, now there's a story in itself. Why, I remember when lil' Akane-chan was first submitted as my diciple..."  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Please, Master..." Soun begged, now a completely broken man.  
  
"We give up!" a fourteen year old Nabiki prostated herself at the old letches feet, right next to her sixteen year old sister.  
  
"We... we just can't take it anymore," Kasumi choked out, "I just keep scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing, but I still feel so dirty!"  
  
Akane felt three hands press into her back, moving her forward before Happosai, "HEY! I'M NOT GIVING UP TO THIS OLD FREAK!!!"  
  
Her psychologically battered family scurried back from their youngest's classic and abrupt rage. "But Akane..." Kasumi began to plead, "If you love us... I mean *really* love us..."  
  
"Take one for the home team, Akane!" Nabiki cheered with unfelt entheusiasm.  
  
"We present my youngest, Akane Tendou, as your new heir!" Soun announced, earning a shocked look from the girl in question.  
  
"NO WAY AM I AGREEING TO THIS!!!"  
  
Happosai just examined Akane, before speaking, "Hmm, not giving me much to work with... but I guess beggers can't be choosers."  
  
At the back-handed slight, Akane snapped her angry attention back to Happosai, "HEY! I can take any training you throw at me, you perverted little letch!" Behind her, Kasumi, Nabiki, and Soun gave silent prayers, as Akane's temper finally worked in their favor...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"It took them awhile, but I finally accepted Akane-chan's gracious offer to be my student and heir," Happosai continued. "Her training was tough and ardious, and as I suspected, she didn't quite have what it took at the time to truly become the master of the art that was required of my deciple."  
  
"And what was that?" Ranma interjected with a half-lidded stare, "a fixation on women's breasts? Geriatric horomones in overdrive?"  
  
"Ranma, my boy, that first one's probably up for debate," Happosai mirthfully retorted, glancing over at Akane.  
  
The raven-haired girl blustered, when the attention was back on her, "Master Happosai! How can you say such a thing!!!"  
  
"Oh, relax, I'm only teasing you, Akane-chan! Can't your old master at least have that pleasure in life?"  
  
"Sorry to sound rude and all," Ranma once again interrupted, "but can you get back to your story? I wanna hear the rest of it before I have to rend you limb from limb." Ranma had to admit, the old soon-to-be-deceased letch knew how to spin a tale!  
  
The ancient martial arts master blinked, before leaning towards Akane, "Is he always this violent?"  
  
Akane shrugged, "I think he just hasn't been getting enough sleep, lately."  
  
"We're on a deathclock, here!" Ranma-chan reminded with her arms folded.  
  
"You little punk! Just remember you're the one who interrupted me!" Happosai reminded, "Now, where was I? Oh yeah! Anyway before I was so rudely interrupted..." Happosai and Akane threw the redhead irritated glances.  
  
Ranma took note of them, and threw her arms in the air, "Alright, alright! I'm sorry! Now can we get on with it so I can get back to destroying you?"  
  
Happosai accepted the apology, "Anyway, Akane lacked that one certain thing, or rather, had that one certain thing that hindered her progress in the art."  
  
"I know where this is leading!" Akane interjected, "The Couragious Heart's pressure point!" Happosai nodded, much to Akane's glee.  
  
"The... what?" Ranma enquired. 


	21. Chapter 21

Akane the Suicidal  
"ARE YOU TOTALLY INSANE?!?" Akane screeched at the old man, before giving a quick glance down to the cage they were standing on.  
  
Happosai's eyes overflowed with tears, "But Akane-chan, think of the art."  
  
"I'M THINKING OF MY *LIFE* HERE!!!" the raven-haired girl screamed out, taking careful steps back to gain some distance between her and her unwanted master, "THERE IS ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, *NO WAY* THAT I WILL *EVER* EVEN CONSIDER TO GO THROUGH SOMETHING *THIS* MORONIC AS *LONG* AS I BREATH!!!"  
  
Happosai dug into his ear, and knew that Akane would be breathing for a long time; she definitely had a healthy set of lungs. With a sigh, Happosai sat down in lotus position upon the crate of meat he had brought with them. He pulled out his pipe, and began to smoke it, while taking things into consideration.  
  
"Akane-chan," the ancient martial arts master began, using his solumn instructor's tone, "I'm afraid that we've reached an obstacle in your training that must be addressed, lest your skills plateu to where they currently are."  
  
"ACK!!!" Akane jumped away from the orange and black striped paw that attempted to claw off her leg; she was really hoping they couldn't jump that high, "Plateu, Icanlivewiththat!"  
  
Happosai sighed again, and emptied out his pipe, incidentally searing the paw of one of the near starving monsters, as it attempted to take a swipe at him and the crate of sweet smelling meat. "As your master, it sorrows me that you're so willing to be simply average. You have a lot of potential in you, but we can't even begin to tap it with your irrational fear."  
  
"IRRATIONAL IS TRYING TO TIE BUFFALO STEAKS TO ME AND THROWING ME INTO A PIT OF STARVING TIGERS AT THE ZOO!!!"  
  
"Fortunately," Happosai continued, as if not hearing his student's protest, "I know of a way to resolve this little dilemma!"  
  
"By GETTING DOWN FROM HERE?!?" Akane screamed again, and leapt onto the crate with Happosai.  
  
"Akane, stop screaming, you're upsetting the tigers," Happosai commanded, before jumping onto Akane's shoulder. "Behold, the 'Couragious Heart's Shiatsu Point! With this, even the most harrowing fear can be confronted with confidence. Bullies will bow before you, natural disasters will not faze you. Tax collectors will become impotent before your unwavering determination!"  
  
"SURE, WHATEVER, JUST MAKE *THEM* GO AWAY!!!" Akane pointed down at the cage, where the tigers had begun forming a pyramid, standing on each other's backs, in their attempt to successfully reach their nourishment.  
  
"Hey! Can you guys balance on a ball?" Happosai enquired. One of the tigers that hadn't joined the tiger pyramid rolled out a large ball, and began to demonstrate its specactular talent. "Wow, look at'em go!"  
  
"HAPPOSAI!!!" Akane attempted to warn her elder, as the final three Tigers were climbing on the others to complete the formation.  
  
"Oh, sorry, got off track there," Happosai replied, chagrinned, "Now, if you would hold still for a moment..."  
  
Akane was frozen with fear.  
  
"That's the spirit!" the old martial arts master crowed, as he poked Akane at a point just left of the base of her skull. "There, did you feel anything?"  
  
Akane shook her head, continuing to look down at the hungry large cats. Their pyramid fell short of the height they needed, and began disassembling.  
  
"Hmm, mebbe I didn't press it right," Happosai poked Akane again at the same point with a bit more pressure, "How about now?"  
  
"I don't see how poking me in the neck's going to do anything!" the youngest Tendou growled back, watching the tigers now go into a huddle. Occasionally, one would look up at them from the huddle, then turn its head back in. For a bit of variation, one would sometimes look at them, and snicker, or one would lick its lips, before returning to plotting.  
  
"Dag blast it! I knew I did it right, that time!" Happosai huffed out, as he poked her again, "Feel any different, now?"  
  
"No!" Akane replied, a bit impatiently. Several of the tigers rolled out large balls, similar to the one one of them was balancing on.  
  
Happosai began to grow fustrated, himself, as he rapidly jabbed his finger into the base of Akane's skull. After several hundred times, he pulled out a shiatsu chart he had with him, checked over it to make sure he was right. He nodded as it confirmed that he was doing everything correctly, and began jabbing Akane again as fast as he could.  
  
The tigers in the cage now formed a pyramid; each one of the standing on their hind legs, on each other's shoulders, while the bottom four balanced on the balls they had brought out. The top one was now currently attempting to steady itself, before moving onto the second phase of their plan.  
  
"Aw, screw it," Happosai huffed in irritation, as he jumped from Akane's shoulder, "I guess I'll just have to work the best I can with what I have..." His eyes turned glossy with tears, as he dropped to his knees, "Please, pleasepleasepleasepleaaaasssseeee, will you go through the Catfist training?"  
  
Akane threw her hands up in fustration, "Alright, alright! Just cut that out, it's making me nervous!"  
_________________________   
  
"Akane went through the Catfist training like a champ," Happosai continued his narration, "but alas, it didn't seem to take. I suggested she play with them..."  
_________________________  
  
Akane giggled, running around in a clawed up gi that was only held together by the twine tieing the large steaks to her, as she ran from the ferocious tigers. Behind her, she dragged a line of twine for the large cats to chase.  
_________________________  
  
"...told her to tease them...  
_________________________  
  
"HEY! YOUR MOTHER WAS A ZEBRA!!!" Akane shouted at her captive audience of carnivores...  
_________________________  
  
"..try wrestling with them a little..."  
_________________________  
  
Akane raised the desperately mewing tiger up to the air, and then down onto the concrete cage floor in a spectactular body slam. The raven-haired girl then ran back and forth over the twitching tiger, before she brought up her elbow, rotating it at her shoulder, and performed a devistating elbow drop...  
_________________________  
  
"...even outright fighting them..."  
_________________________  
  
"HIYA! HA! HEEEEYA!!!" Akane laid into the beasts she was among with a fury that they had never seen before in a meal.  
_________________________  
  
"...I don't understand what went wrong," Happosai said with a depressed sigh, "I hoped that using larger cats would offset the age problem, but it just wouldn't take. I guess you couldn't get over the age problem, after all."  
_________________________  
  
The whole pride of tigers were plastered with their backs against the cage bars, standing on their hind legs, and staring fearfully at the demon creature that invaded their sanctuary, tricking them by smelling of delicious food in order to bring them a great deal of harm. With that, they vowed that they would become vegan vegitarians for the rest of their lives.  
  
Akane stared back at them with a cute and puzzled expression, before turning back up to Happosai at the top of the cage, "What went wrong?"  
_________________________  
  
Akane knelt beside her old master, and patted him on the back, "Don't worry about it, Grandfather Happosai, you tried your best."  
  
Ranma continued to stare at the two with a mixture of incredulous disgust and surreal disbelievement. "Th-There's someone even more idiotic than Pops..." he mumbled to himself.  
  
"Thanks, Akane-chan," the old letch replied, gratefully. He perked up, when he started to continue his story, "Although, after the failed Catfist training, Akane-chan threw herself into her training like a student possessed. Even if she didn't learn the Catfist, she grew to ten times the martial artist she would have been."  
  
"Th-thanks, Master Happosai," Akane replied, blushing at the compliment.  
  
"Unfortunately, after just a few months, that traiterous father of hers and her sisters pulled a sneaky trap on me!"  
_________________________  
  
"HOTCHA!" Happosai exclaimed, as he leapt into the barrel seemingly full of bras. "ACK!!!"  
  
Before the ancient letch could realize the trickery, Soun slammed the lid on the barrel containing Happosai, bras worn by transvestite men, and several pairs of dirty men's underwear donated by the overweight sweaty men's weightlifting circuit, while Kasumi held the nails in place for Nabiki to hammer them down, sealing the old pervert in.  
  
They then backed away quickly, as a cement truck backed up upon the barrel, and unloaded it's contents. Kasumi, Nabiki, and Soun worked to shape the quick drying cement around the barrel, before they lifted it up, and deposited on the back of a truck.  
  
A caucasion man in a finely cut business suit jogged up to them, shook their hands, and told them that as the French ambassador to Japan, he relayed that France was grateful for their assistance in nabbing the notorious lingerie theif of 1842. He jogged back to the passenger side of the truck, and hopped in. The engine started, taking Happosai from the lives of the Tendous.  
  
All three waved a tearful goodbye, Kasumi even dabbing her eyes with her hankerchief. Later on that day, the Tendous, including a slightly depressed Akane, watched the live broadcast of the French nuclear testing in the Indian Ocean.  
_________________________  
  
"THOSE JERKS!" Akane seethed, "They told me you died in a freak training accident! I was so upset when I heard you died!"  
  
Once again, Akane was about to break into a fit of tears. "It's okay, Akane-chan, though I could use a good hug myself, right now.  
  
Akane gave a faint smile, as she threw her arms open wide. The old letch suddenly spun on Ranma, flinging the contents of a flask at hi-... er... her. "OH MAMMA!"  
  
"SHRIVEL UP AND DRY DEAD, YOU OLD FREAK!" Ranma-chan screamed out, as her ax-kick sent the old master sailing over the horizon.  
  
"I JUST WANTED A LITTLE COMFORT MY RanMa-chaaannnnnnnnnnnnn*" Happosai's voice faded into the distance.  
  
"HEY! QUIT PICKING ON MASTER HAPPOSAI!" Akane commanded, before she was suddenly grabbed around the waist, and carried to the rooftops, "Hey! LEMME GO!"  
  
"That doc friend of yours, he knows shiatsu points, right?"  
  
Blinking at the question, Akane nodded, "He's one of the best, I think."  
  
Ranma grunted, heading straight for Dr. Tofu's clinic. 


	22. Chapter 22

Akane the Suicidal  
As irritated as Akane felt she should had been, while she was being carried over the rooftops of Nerima upon the petite redhead's shoulder, she more found herself invigorated by the roller-coaster like sensation, and the scent of Ranma's hair, not much different from when the pigtailed martial artist was male.  
  
Ranma didn't seem to notice Akane relax more onto her, and even begin to snuggle, as her own mind was rather preoccupied. Finally, a possible resolution to the hellish madness she had become resigned to. A cure for Akane, and once she was *normal* again, Ranma would be scott-free of obligation, and able to get on with her own life.  
  
She would never have to so much as associate herself with the group of insanity known as the Tendou family. No longer would Ranma have to contend with the pitying looks of those who knew the ardorous duty of protecting the infuriatingly casually self-sanctioning girl who repeatedly apologised to him for her antics. Released of his servitude in honor (though honor severely strained), leaving the kind girl to her own devices. Free...  
  
Ranma decided she may have been a little more winded from that chase of Happosai than she realized, from the way she was slowing down.  
_________________________  
  
"Doc! Hey, Doc, ya home?" Ranma shouted out, as she barged into clinic, still carrying Akane.  
  
"Hmm? I'm afraid me and Betty have the clinic closed for the night, maybe you should stop by in the morning?" The good doctor's voice called out from one of the back rooms.  
  
"This ain't something I'm gonna wait for!" shouted the redhead, before setting Akane on a couch, and staring at her at her sternly, "Stay. Put."  
  
At the vehemance of the command, Akane weakly nodded, and settled into the waiting room couch.  
  
"Well, I'll be out in a second then," Dr. Tofu replied. Not wanting to wait another second, Ranma barged in, just as Tofu was opening the door to the office room. "Oh? Hello!"  
  
"Doc, I got a question to ask ya, a really important one!" Ranma pleaded, as Tofu started at her curiously, before looking up at Akane.  
  
"Hello Akane, no new injuries... *I hope*. And is this a friend of yours?"  
  
"Uh, Doctor Tofu, you've met Ranma before," Akane reminded from her seat.  
  
The doctor looked back at the now fuming redhead, who was becoming irritated at being ignored, "Ranma? I thought you were a guy?"  
  
"Jusenkyo curse, remember?" Ranma replied in a droll tone, while pouring a kettle of hot water over her head.  
  
"Well, I'll be," Doctor Tofu replied, "The pools of Jusenkyo were always shrouded-"  
  
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY AND LET ME TALK?!?"  
  
Both Tofu and Akane jumped. "Excitable, isn't she?" Tofu asked Akane, before turning back to Ranma, "What seems to be the problem, nothing serious, I hope."  
  
I need to ask you about pressure points," Ranma started.  
  
"Um, I don't know of any pressure points to cure Jusenkyo curses..." Tofu pushed his glasses further up his nose.  
  
Ranma found the reflection off Tofu's glasses a bit irritating, and pushed him into the office where the light was a bit more dim. Akane stood up and started to sniff the air. Nope, the smell of freshly baked goods wasn't about. She then quickly approached the receptionist's desk, finding a crumpled piece of paper in Tofu's handwriting. She picked it up, and found it was still warm and moist from someone's tenatious, nervous, and sweaty grip  
  
Akane raised an eyebrow at the over three year old perscription for valuum for Kasumi. Well, that at least explained the doctor's behavior...  
  
"Are you sure you should be leaving Akane out there alone?" Dr. Tofu enquired, his glasses still gleaming with a light that kept Ranma from seeing his eyes.  
  
"I've got at least eight minutes," Ranma replied, easily. Akane assuradly wouldn't move from the couch, and he had timed how long he would have before having to force Akane to start breathing again. "Anyways, ya know anything about the 'Couragious Heart's Pressure Point?"  
  
Tofu considered it for a moment, "Ah yes, the Couragious Heart's Shiatsu point. It's legen has been shrouded in mystery."  
  
"Yes, yes, and it's a great conversational piece and all!" Ranma interjected, "You know how to turn it off?"  
  
"Hmm? Why would you wanna do that?" Tofu asked with a puzzled expression.  
  
"I finally figured out what's with Akane!" Ranma exclaimed, "Some old letch that she claims as her master named Happosai used it on her to make her the suicidal nutcase she is today!" Ranma beemed at his deductive reasoning.  
  
"Wow," Tofu breathed, "That would explain the slight bruise that she was complaining about just left of the base of her neck, so long ago."  
  
"So, all we gotta do is turn it off, right?" Ranma enquired anxiously.  
  
"That sounds like a good idea!" Tofu replied, "but no."  
  
Ranma's gleeful expression turned to one of murder, "Whaddya mean 'no'? 'No' as in 'Sure, we'll cure Akane now of her suicidal tendicies', or 'no' as in 'Ranma, please let me die by your hand miserably'?"  
  
"The Couragious Heart's Shiatsu Point wouldn't bring a person to attempt to constantly try to kill themselves." Tofu explained.  
  
"Ah, darn," Ranma thought, sulking.  
  
Tofu chuckled, and began to scratch the back of his head, "Of course, if you were to continuously manipulate the point in rapid succession of at least three-hundred and seventy-one times within a space of an instant, causing it to sectacularly overload to obliterating any concious and even instinctual fear of death to the point of morbid curiosity perhaps... but I wouldn't feel the point in doing such a thing." Tofu began to chuckle louder, "Ha ha! 'Feel, point!' Get it?" One of Tofu's slippers fell to the ground, as he was lifted into the air, "Hmm, I thought it was rather clever, myself."  
  
"Doctor Tofu," Ranma said in an even, quiet voice, "You're life is currently bordering on 'fleeting'. If you can just tell me exactly HOW TO TURN OFF THAT PERSSURE POINT... you may live past the next ten seconds..."  
  
"Gee, excitable *and* violent," Tofu said with some distain, as if not even aware that Ranma was currently holding him up by the lapels of his gi, menacingly. "If you really want to know how to nullify it, the counter point is simply..."  
  
"Yes, YES?" Ranma's eyes widened in anticipation as Tofu drew the last syllable out. So simple to do at that? The deities *do* have mercy!"  
  
"... not to my knowledge."  
  
Ranma's almost blissful expression turned to one of emotionless neutrality, "I pity you, Dr. Tofu," he said simply, while drawing his fist back.  
  
"Hmm, but I know someone who would..." Tofu stated as an afterthought, probably not aware of the tenuous thread his fate was hanging by.  
  
Ranma's face dropped to sullenness, "You're a sadist, ain'tcha?"  
  
Tofu shrugged, "I can write down the directions for you, if you li-" Ranma motioned the doctor's silence, before opening the door to the office, and looking back to find Akane sitting on the couch in her original position.  
  
The raven-haired girl looked up when she heard the door open, and gave Ranma a weak smile and a slight wave. Ranma's eyes narrowed, before he closed the door again.  
  
"I'll get right to writing those directions down for you in... a... jiffy..." Tofu turned, following Ranma stride towards his framed and hanging medical certificates. The pigtailed boy picked one of them off the wall, and casually tossed it over his shoulder, not even caring to look back at the sound of glass shattering. He pulled the picture frame tack from the wall, and returned to the door. Ranma opened the door, and flicked the tack out, before quickly shutting it.  
  
"OW!!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZ"  
  
Ranma nodded at the sound of Akane taking in air again, "Alright, doc, you have another eight minutes...  
  
"let me get right on it, then," Tofu sat down at his desk, and began to recall the directions to his own Shiatsu master's abode.  
_________________________  
  
A large preying mantis crawled up the potted tree in Dr. Tofu's office, listening to everything. "So, that little punk thinks he can ruin my best student, eh?" the large green insect thought to itself, "Well, Look out, Ranma! The only way you're gonna screw up Akane is over my dead carcus!" At that moment, the tree decided it couldn't support the weight of such a large, obnoxious insect, "AWP!"  
  
Both Tofu and Ranma turned to find the insect struggling under an overturned potted plant. "Pretty large bugs you got here," commented Ranma.  
  
Tofu stood up, and walked over to it, "Well, I've been meaning to contact the exterminator for some time, now" With that, he began to mercilessly stomp the insect to oblivion.  
_________________________  
  
Ranma vaulted out the clinic door, with Akane in his arms. "Where we going?" the raven-haired girl shouted over the air rushing past them.  
  
"To finally put an end to all this," Ranma answered, as he took to the rooftops. Neither noticed the diminuative blur following them. 


	23. Chapter 23

Akane the Suicidal  
"You want to what?" Akane asked, holding tightly onto Ranma's hand, as they both bounded from rooftop to rooftop. She was barely keeping up, regardless of being lead by the hand by her bodyguard-slash-fiance`.  
  
"If Dr. Tofu's master really knows about the counter-point to the Couragious Heart pressure point, We'll both be out of this perpetual nightmare, and we can get on with our lives!" Ranma replied, more concentrating on the directions Dr. Tofu had given him. "Says we need to take a right, here..."  
  
"What? I don't understand!" Akane shouted out, just as Ranma turned, jerking her with him. The gap between the roof they were standing on and the one he intended to jump to was a fair gap, forcing him to put a great deal into the leap.  
  
Without missing a step, Akane followed him into the air, keeping their hands joined. Ranma realized that he miscalculated for Akane's weight, and instinctively pulled her around, attempting to throw her to the roof, while he would rebound off the ground. Akane refused to let go of his hand, and imitated Ranma's move, adding her own momentum, like a human bolo.  
  
With out a skipped beat, they landed, and continued their harried pace.  
  
"You wouldn't," Ranma groused, answering Akane's prior statement.  
  
"And what is that supposed to mean?" Akane asked with a sharp tone, just before Ranma jerked her out of the way of a jagged pipe sticking out of someone's rooftop, bent at a sharp angle about chest height.  
  
Akane blushed, and couldn't bring herself to look at Ranma's hooded gaze.  
  
"Anyways," Ranma continued, after noticing Akane wasn't going to observe the disapproval written all over his face, "It would be best for all those involved if we got you cured."  
  
"I FORBID IT!"  
  
"WHOA!" Ranma shouted, as he quickly grabbed Akane around the waist, and pulled them both back into a backwards somersault away from the heavy falling raccoon statue. Both Akane and Ranma landed, kneeling, hand still clenched together, as they stared at the newly formed hole in the roof, and then towards the old martial arts master that stood on the other side.  
  
"Hello, Mrs. Yamoto! Hey Bes!" Akane chirped down to the hole, earning a weak smile and a slight wave from the shocked and nervous resident, and a cheerful bark in greeting from her pet.  
  
"What do you think you're doing? You old letch!" Ranma demanded, bringing him and Akane to standing, while glaring defiantly at the elderly martial artist.  
  
"Ranma," Happosai almost growled, "I will only say this once. I will not allow you to take away my best and most promising student!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" Ranma's expression became puzzled, and turned to look at Akane. She could only shrug in response.  
  
"Don't be so naive!" Happosai scoffed, "Don't you get it? You undo that point, Akane will lose her edge!"  
  
"I think the radiation eradicated your brain, you old freak! How's fixing *your* mistake gonna hinder Akane?"  
  
"Because, you little puke, what held back her full potential was her inhibition! She was too *afraid* to push herself to her limits as a martial artist!" Happosai explained, pointing his finger at his hopeful successor.  
  
"That's ridiculous!" Ranma screeched out, incredulous at the old man's reasoning.  
  
"I quite agree," Mrs. Yamoto interjected, "Um, would you like to come in for some tea, and talk this out rationally?"  
  
"Enough talk!" Happosai announced, taking a stance, "Ranma, I demand you unhand my student, or be prepare to suffer my wrath!"  
  
Ranma place Akane behind him, still holding her hand, as he took a defensive stance, "Bring it on, you old coot!"  
  
"NO! HE'S TOO POWERFUL, RANMA! YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM!" Akane shouted in dismay. Unfortunately, she could see the look of determination over Ranma's shoulder, on his face. She knew full well that whatever challenge he was given, he would meet.  
  
"Heh," the grand master of the Anything Goes School of Martial arts chuckled, "Foolish whelp, don't think yourself a match for me!"  
  
"Quit talking, and more fighting," Ranma demanded, not willing to leave Akane undefended. Ranma felt suddenly as if millions of tiny needles were lightly poking into his skin, making him itch all over. The sensation became overwhelmed by Ranma's own dismay, as he watched Happosai seemingly become several times his own size.  
  
"Wha-what a powerful battle aura!" Ranma exclaimed, "I... I can't move!"  
  
"Know that I intend to make this short, me and Akane have a lot of lost training time to make up for," Happosai announced, hunched over as he unleashed his mightly aura. "Now, you'll pay for yoru disobedience to your master!" He crossed his arms across himself, preparing to unleash his attack.  
  
"You're... no master... of mine... you old letch!" Ranma proclaimed, still able to garner enough defiance, despite his restrainment. If Happosai heard him, he gave no sign.  
  
"Akane step out of the way," After his announcement, Happosai thrust his hands forward, causing two large spectral versions of his appendages to race towards the pigtailed boy.  
  
Ranma stared, wide-eyed, unable to bring himself to evade. Fortunately...  
  
"AKANE!" Happosai wailed, as he watched his prize student dive off the roof, with her fiance wrapped in her arms, "How could you?" The miniscule master leapt after them in pursuit.  
  
Mrs Yamoto sighed, as she looked up to her roof, and then down to the broken shingles that had fallen through the hole, when they were plowed up by Happosai's attack.  
  
Akane landed, with Ranma in her arms, and set him down on his feet. With a nod, Ranma pointed forward, "Straight ahead, and then right again." With speed borne of finding his goal possibly within reach, and the threat of an antagonist behind him, Ranma and Akane made haste, leaping over the stone wall of the compound, and then onto the rooftop of the home beyond it. Both Akane and Ranma looked down, to find Kasumi sitting on one of the stones surrounding the carp pond, waving to them with a happily dazed expression.  
  
Akane sighed at the sight, "Kasumi's abusing her valuum, just like last time..."  
  
"Huh?" Ranma replied, confused, before his confusion was shaken by the sensation of danger, "LOOK OUT!"  
  
Deftly, Ranma twisted himself in the air, and pushed Akane down to the ground by her shoulders, just before a small blur passed between them.  
  
"RANMA!" Happosai bellowed, "HOW DARE YOU TURN MY OWN DEAR AKANE-CHAN AGAINST ME!"  
  
"How dare you try to keep her like this, you freak!" Ranma retorted. Akane rebounded off the dojo rooftop that Ranma forced down onto, and rejoined the pigtailed martial artist in the air. She was within his vicinity, just as he made his next proclimation.  
  
"I ain't about to let Akane get hurt because of your stupidity! She's my fiancee, and if she ever succeeded, NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM PERSONALLY PUTTING YOU IN A COFFIN!"  
  
After his announcement, Ranma heard Akane's gasp, and turned to find her losing her balance in the air, "Aw, cripes!"  
  
Just as Ranma was altering his trajectory to rebound off the top of the stone wall surrounding the Tendou compound, and intercept Akane before she managed to unintentionally make good on her tendicies, Happosai blindsided him, sending him face-first into the Tendou back yard.  
  
The pigtailed boy bounced twice on his stomach, before coming to rest. "Ouch..."  
  
"Ooooh my," Kasumi replied, "The stars look so pretty..."  
  
Happosai landed by Ranma, and watched him weakly pick himself off the ground, "This is what you get for getting in between a master and his student!" The elderly and enraged martial artist stated in a solumn voice, "As I send you to your ancestors, remember your folly!"  
  
"NO! WAIT!"  
  
Happosai looked up, and jumped back, just as Akane landed between Ranma and her master, "Akane-chan, what is the meaning of this? Would you dare disrespect your master?"  
  
Akane bowed low, almost ready to kow-tow, "Forgive my impertenance, master, but... maybe Ranma just doesn't understand!" Akane sensed Ranma picking himself up to his feet, but dared not take her eyes off of Happosai.  
  
"Ignorance is no excuse!" the withering martial artist proclaimed, "Now stand aside!"  
  
"But would you really want to condemn him, just because he was trying... trying to protect me?" Akane said the last part, almost meekly.  
  
At the change in tone, Happosai stopped his advancement, allowing Ranma time to shake the cobwebs from his head; if he didn't know better, he would have thought he was knocked out of the air by a passing low-flying Concorde.  
  
"Hmm, so you do care about the little puke," Happosai mused, before sighing, "Well, maybe you have a point..."  
  
With that, Happosai seemed to vanish into the air. Once the martial artist disappeared, Ranma had almost recovered his wits, "Where'd he go?"  
  
Akane turned to her body guard, sighing herself, "I don't know, I actually didn't expect him to give up so easily."  
  
Ranma stared at Akane, before frowning, "You were honestly going to try to take him on, weren't you?"  
  
Akane dropped into a sullen frown, "Well, I couldn't just let him hurt you, you know?" The stern glare Ranma gave Akane told her what he thought she was attempting to do.  
  
"I was only going to try to protect you until he saw reason!" Akane almost shouted, "Besides, I doubt he would hurt me!"  
  
Ranma kept his gaze for a few moments more, before dropping it, and closing his eyes, "Maybe, but I had things under control."  
  
Akane turned her eyes away, "I see, so you didn't want my help?"  
  
"Heck, Akane, it ain't that," Ranma retorted in a more subdued tone. Ranma groaned at his impotence at explaining himself, unheeding of the stubby index finger being extended to the base of his skull... just to the left.... 


	24. Chapter 24

Akane the Suicidal  
Ranma got 'the feeling', the one that had allowed him to keep Akane within the realm of the breathing for so long, and had been honed to such a fine point that his safeguarding over her had almost become effortless. At a point in his life where he would be much less cynical, he would have found it an impressive ability, even farther beyond his rather rudamentary personal danger sense that he had developed from his previous martial arts training, particularly with his father's penchant for blindsiding the pigtailed martial artist.  
  
Though the feeling did make his job with Akane so much easier, it was hard to ignore the almost blaring sensation, as the hairs on the nape of his neck extended as if he stood in the middle of an ionically charged field just before a violent lighting storm, and the chi immidiately cycled through his body, readying it for anything, to move in any direction, as instincts suddenly began analyzing every possible action to keep Akane from any sort of danger...  
  
That's when he realized it; the feeling wasn't directed at Akane, but towards himself.  
  
Wordlessly, Ranma twisted to his right, before leaping into a backwards somersault that landed him directly next to Akane, and facing the seemingly disembodied finger that was extended to where his neck had been. "What the..."  
  
Akane herself was almost in shock; how had Ranma managed to even detect Happosai's presence? She knew from her training that that was possibly an impossible feat when the old man didn't want to be seen. Instinctively, she moved forward slightly to place herself between Ranma and her master, taking up a subtle defensive stance.  
  
The motion couldn't go unnoticed by either. "Akane! How could you betray me so?"  
  
"Akane, get outta the way so I can put down this old letch for good!"  
  
Akane gave Ranma a slight glance backwards, allowing him to see her concern, before turning towards Happosai, "Master, what were you trying to do?"  
  
Happosai folded his arms across his chest, standing in stature that his tiny form shouldn't have been able to manage, "Simple, Akane-chan! I mean, you gave me the idea, after all!"  
  
Akane and Ranma looked at each other with puzzled expressions. "What?"  
  
"Like you said, the boy just doesn't understand! Perhaps he just needs to learn to see things from your point of view?"  
  
"I don't get it," Akane replied, though not moving from her stance.  
  
Ranma, on the other hand, "No... oh no... no way..." Ranma started to surrepticiously put some distance between him and the decrepid martial artist, before turning to bolt. To his dismay, he found Happosai standing right before him, "How?"  
  
"Ranma, I won't allow you to rob my dear prized student Akane-chan of her destiny as one of Japan's, no... the world's greatest martial artists!"  
  
I AIN'T LETTING YOU TURN ME INTO A SUICIDAL FREAK LIKE AKANE!" Ranma shouted, kicking at the shortened martial artist.  
  
Happosai deftly flipped away, "I'm doing no such thing! I'm merely making you the perfect match for my Akane-chan!"  
  
"Master, it's obvious Ranma doesn't want you to do this to him," Akane pleaded from behind Ranma.  
  
"Akane," Happosai turn his attention to her with a solumn tone, "If he counters the Couragious Heart's pressure point, you will never live up to your full potential! You have so much further to go!"  
  
"I don't care!" Akane stated back, defiantly, causing her master to take a step back in shock, "Not if it does anything against Ranma's will!" The pigtailed martial artist didn't take his eyes off of Happosai, and barely managed to contain his shock at her outburst.  
  
"But Akane-chan! Do you really wish to go back to being half of what you once were without any progressive growth in your skill?" Happosai pleaded, before pointing accusingly at Ranma, "How do you think a relationship with your fiance will be, if you know you'll always remain inferior to him?"  
  
"What are you getting at, old man?" Ranma demanded, not liking how he was suddenly talking down about Akane's ability. She wasn't quite as good as him, that's for sure, but she was definitely a force to be reckoned with.  
  
"I..." was all Akane could say.  
  
"You'll never be happy with him, and the spoiled little puke will never be happy with you, either!" Happosai accused, "Not if he thinks he can keep a tight reign on you like some timid housewife!"  
  
"You little freak, I've had just about enough of y-" Ranma stopped, as he felt a pair of femenine arms reach around him in an embrace. His surprise turned to shock, as he felt the embrace become restraining, tightening to pin his arms to his sides.  
  
Ranma felt shock and betrayal mix, as he turned his head to look back at his restrainer, "AKANE?!?"  
  
The raven-haired girl had barely withheld tears in her eyes, as her expression was both pleading, and scared. At that moment, Ranma also realized his mistake at taking his eyes off of his opponent, while allowing Akane to distract him.  
  
Just barely, Ranma threw himself forward, breaking Akane's hold from around him, while falling forward atop of her, just missing Happosai flying over them with his finger extended.  
  
Ranma and Akane landed on the ground, with the pigtailed boy atop of the other girl, while cradling her head and small of her back with his hands. Bodies flat against each other, Ranma was hard pressed to force himself to concentrate enough to gather Akane up, and take off down the street. Happosai growled, rather impressed that the boy had managed to dodge him, twice, when he was really trying, and took off in pursuit.  
  
During his mad dash, Ranma kept his eyes forward, and his face stern, not even bringing himself to look at Akane. The girl in question kept her eyes down, as she allowed Ranma to carry her, not wanting to look at him and see the look on his face from her selfish act and moment of weakness.  
  
The pigtailed boy had memorized the directions, and concentrated on following them, while outrunning their pursuer. Not an easy feat, since he was currently carrying his own personal Judas in his arms. Even if it did feel half-hearted, it *hurt*. He was somewhat aware of her feelings to him, and though he didn't quite know how to adequately deal with them, he felt comfortable in them.  
  
Ranma witheld a sigh, as he turned right down a corner. Eventually, he found himself at the front of a Mrs. Sakamoto's house, before he leapt over it, and over the back gate.  
  
"YOU HAVEN'T ESCAPED ME, RANMA!"  
  
The pigtailed martial artist twisted around, while descending in the air, and pulled Akane tighter against himself. He then jacknifed, bringing his foot into the stomach of the older martial artist, having his momentum to strike Ranma's pressure point keep him from twisting to evade.  
  
Ranma landed, kneeling, and still supporting Akane, before he spun to his left, heading down the next pathway that was instructed in Tofu's directions.  
  
"FEAR NOT, COMRADE! I SHALL FREE YOU FROM THE DEMONESS AKANE's VILE BEWITCHERY!"  
  
"GEEZ!" Ranma shouted, bending backwards, and then dropping to his back, while the bokken swiped at chest level, aiming to score a telling hit on the surprised girl in Ranma's arms.  
  
"GET. lOST!" while still on his back, Ranma tucked his legs in, and then launched his feet at Kuno's chin, sending the annoying kendoist into the other direction from Happosai's flight. Ranma, still bracked on the back of his shoulders and neck, kicked his legs forward to bring him back to standing, "I don't have time to deal with that moron!"  
  
With a scowl given to Akane, further causing her to attempt to make herself smaller, Ranma continued on his quest.  
  
Ranma landed on the roof of his next landmark, Mr. Kasada's home, before he took a left, headed down the row of houses, and then turned right at the Nanakaze's.  
  
"LOOK OUT!"  
  
Akane's warning came too late, as Happosai slammed into Ranma from where he had been perched on a telephone pole above, and driving his heel into the back of Ranma's head.  
  
Ranma landed hard and face-first, making the sacrifice to protect Akane, and sending her rolling when they were almost ground level. Almost seemingly without injury, Ranma recovered, and stood to face off against the ancient pervert, once again unable to find him.  
  
"ALRIGHT, YOU LITTLE TOAD! WE'RE GONNA FINISH THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL!" Ranma demanded.  
  
Happosai landed before Ranma, looking almost disinterested, "My, boy, you couldn't take me if your life depended on it. And quite frankly, my cause is greater than yours!"  
  
"Oh yeah?" Ranma challenged.  
  
"I'm fighting for Akane's happiness, you little punk! And if you don't understand that, then you've lost from the start!"  
  
"I ain't lost nothing!" With that, Ranma charged in with a blindingly fast barrage of attacks. The ancient martial artist stood still until the last moment, before almost effortlessly weaving between the attacks. After almost thirty seconds, Happosai became bored, pulled out his pipe, and met Ranma's incoming fist with the head of it.  
  
The pigtailed martial artist didn't even realize that he was flying backwards, until he connected with a brick wall.  
  
The pigtailed boy slumped to kneeling, as Happosai strode up to him, smoking his pipe as if he hadn't exerted anything, "Ranma, my boy, why don't you just give up and accept your fate?"  
  
"Because.... old freak...." Ranma slowly, but defiantly brought himself to standing, while glaring at Happosai through the gray haze of pain, "Ranma... Saotome aint about to... lose to you!"  
  
Happosai scoffed at the way Ranma was swaying in his stance, obviously punch drunk and probably suffering a concussion. He had to admit, the boy's tenacity was starting to endear him, but for his own student's welfare, and Ranma's own hubris, the Grand Master of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts had to finish this.  
  
"This all falls upon you, Ranma," Happosai stated, solumnly, before bracing himself. Ranma leaned from the wall, barely able to stand, much less put of a decent defense.  
  
"RANMA!"  
  
::SPLASH!::  
  
"Wha?" The slightly more awake redhead looked up, to find Akane standing behind her on the brick wall, holding an empty pail. The raven haired girl then jumped down to Ranma's back, grabbed the front of her shirt from behind with both hands, and pulled it open.  
  
"HOTCHA!" Happosai proclaimed, finding that this night wasn't all that disappointing anymore, leaping at Ranma's bare chest.  
  
The trap set, Akane quickly pulled Ranma to the side, and unleashed the most powerful ax kick she had ever mustered. Her master was caught unprepared in the chin, and launched into the lower stratousphere.  
  
"AKANE! HOW COULD YOUUUUUUuuuuuuuuu*"  
  
Right a solumn and wistful expression, Akane watched her master disappear over the horizon, before turning to see Ranma quietly buttoning her shirt up, and begin to walk down the road, still following the directions that Tofu had given her. At a faltered step, Akane was quickly at Ranma's side, supporting her.  
  
Akane could feel the anger and resentment radiating through Ranma's aura, and resignedly said nothing, as they continued on their way.  
_______________________  
  
"Finally," Ranma thought, as they entered the back door of the clinic. The whole trip had been silent exept for a few blocks, where Akane kept saying things looked familiar. Ranma threw her glares, silently warning the girl to stay quiet, until Akane finally relented, and remained silent.  
  
Once inside, they found the man who ran the modest clinic. They both could easily see he was a powerful martial artist, though he was concentrated on the work before him on the counter.  
  
"D-Dr. Tofu?"  
  
The martial artist looked up, and turned to see an incredulous Ranma and a sullen Akane standing at his back door, "Hello you two, I wasn't expecting you tonight! To what I owe the pleasure of your visit?"  
  
"The... pleasure of our my visit?" Ranma asked in slow, steady tones.  
  
"I tried to warn you, Ranma," Akane replied, trying not to look at Ranma.  
  
"Was there something you wanted?" Tofu asked, puzzled by the growing irritation he could read in the redhead's aura.  
  
"Yes," Ranma replied in a tone that was deceptionally sweet, "like perhaps a skilled martial artist that knows the counter to the Couragious Heart's Pressure Point?" Ranma asked, idly rubbing her free hand at the back of her neck, near the base, "You know, the one that I was supposed to be arriving at right about now ACCORDING TO THE DIRECTIONS YOU GAVE ME?!?"  
  
With newfound energy, Ranma shoved Akane away, stormed up to Tofu, and shoved the directions into his face, almost knocking Tofu down in the process.  
  
The shocked chiropracter took the paper, and then looked over it. He blinked in surprise, "Uh, Ranma, how in the world did you get ahold of my daily housecall route?"  
  
Ranma blinked, reviewing the directions in her head, realizing they had taken quite a few rights, enough to send them in a circle, and stared at Tofu. The doctor would have found the way Ranma's irises widened completely, making his pupil seem completely black, rather impressive. Impressive, that is, if not for the fact that it put the whole fear of the combined pantheon of Japanese deities into him.  
  
"Goodbye, Dr. Tofu," Ranma said in a rather mechanical voice, as her hand reached out to the doctor. Tofu gulped audibly, staggering back as the redhead approached him with one hand stretched out towards him...  
_______________________  
  
Akane distracted herself over concern for Dr. Tofu. It was a good thing he was such an exellent martial artist and doctor, or else he may not be able to gain use of his hands, or legs, or left side of his body, again.  
  
She was brought out of her reverie but the sound of heavy chain hitting the ground. Sighing, she looked down as Ranma almost finished chaining her up for bed. It was something her fiance hadn't done for a long time, and that worried her greatly.  
  
Ranma hoisted her up, and chained her to the ceiling of her room, before turning off the lights, and laying on the futon she was provided. Wordlessly, Ranma went to sleep, as Akane continued to stare down at her with an infinitely concerned expression. 


	25. Chapter 25

Akane the Suicidal  
  
Finale  
  
Akane messed up, she knew it, and there was no denying it, especially as Ranma wouldn't let her forget it. His impassive treatment towards the raven-haired girl was more than just callous, she could almost feel waves of cold radiating from him.  
  
For the first time since Happosai had begun training her, Akane had been on her best behavior. She feared what would happen if she allowed her... habit... to take over. She knew he would save her, he had gotten way too good at that, but it may just further drive the rift between them wider.  
  
Three days since the incident with Happosai, but it didn't feel any as if her pigtailed bodyguard was warming up to her. It was just some silly pressure point, why was he so angry about it? If he refused to tell her of his own occord, she would just have to force him to comfront her about it.  
  
Ranma sighed, as he walked into the bathing room, and removed his clothes. Akane's sisters were watching over her for the time being, as he didn't feel like dealing with her right now. Ranma almost collapsed onto the stool, allowing relief to wash over him from the anticipation of the oncoming relaxing bath. What made it more relaxing, was the fact that Akane wasn't currently with him, and he didn't have to cut it short to keep the usually blindfolded young woman waiting too long.  
  
Ranma filled his pail up with warm water, not wanting to have to become a girl at the moment, and just as he was about to upend it over his head, the bathing room door opened, revealing a determined Akane. The pigtailed boy groaned, as the girl stripped down, and sat on the wash stool next to him, blushing and keeping her eyes from him, as Ranma kept his covered with his hand out of irritation more than respect for her privacy.  
  
The raven-haired girl couldn't take the discomfort anymore, and filled her pail up with cold water, before turning it in Ranma's general direction, and dumping it over his head.  
  
Ranma gave Akane a menacing glare, and recieved an apologetic shrug in responce, "I feel more comfortable in here with you as a girl..."  
  
"Fine," Ranma said, giving her the only words she had spoken to Akane in several days, "I'll wait till you're done." As he got up, Akane quickly grabbed the girl's arm.  
  
"No, Ranma, you're staying in here with me!" Ranma grimaced, but returned to her stool, and soaped up.  
  
"I'm sorry, Ranma, I didn't know how much it would upset you," Akane started, turning to the other girl. Ranma gave no reply, as she continued to scrub herself with the soap. The youngest Tendou daughter pouted a bit, but did not let that daunt her, "What he said... made sense at the time." Akane looked directly at Ranma, "I mean, I... I like you, Ranma, would it be too much to ask if you saw things from my point of view?"  
  
Ranma began strubbing harder, as her face hardened. Akane looked away, and continued, "Yes, I know I was trying to force it on you, I realized that the moment I started. I'm really... really sorry about it all. I just didn't realize-"  
  
Ranma inerrupted her by rincing herself off, and tossing the bucket away onto the ground. "Are you finished?" Ranma asked in a terse voice. Akane timidly shook her head negative. "Then hurry up, so I can get you back to your sisters." Ranma walked to the furo, and sat down in it, waiting for Akane to finish scrubbing up with ill held patience.  
  
Akane looked down at the soap in her hands, finding slight patters on it from liquid other than water.  
  
___________________  
  
"Here," Ranma shoved Akane towards her two sisters on the couch, "I'm going to go work out, you two think you can watch your sister for an hour without letting her get out of your sight?"  
  
Both Nabiki and Kasumi looked at each other, figuring the talk they allowed Akane to escape for didn't go well. They hadn't been blind to the whole ordeal between their sister and her fiance. Ranma's cold shoulder was leaving Akane in a good fit of depression, much deeper than when Akane suffered when she found out that Happosai had 'died'. They recalled the anxiety they developed during that ordeal from the increase of Akane's self-destructing tendicies, and decided that it may be best if Akane and Ranma managed to put aside their differences.  
  
Begrudingly, they both nodded in unison. Sensing their hesitation, Ranma snorted, and almost shoved Akane into their custody, before pivoting on his heel, and heading to the dojo.  
  
Kasumi and Nabiki turned to their sister, sitting in the middle of them with her head bowed and eyes closed. "Well?" Both of them asked in unison.  
  
Akane didn't answer them, and continued to keep her head bowed. "Akane," Nabiki began, "It can't go on like this." Akane raised her head towards her sister with a broken, red-eyed expression that almost caused Nabiki to back down from her current path of action. "Look, we know how you feel about the guy."  
  
"What do you mean? He's just watching over me for you and daddy," Akane replied, sullenly, turning her head back to her lap.  
  
Kasumi rolled her eyes, and put her arm around her sister, "Akane-chan, we're not blind, it's obvious that you care, a lot, for him."  
  
"But he doesn't seem to care about me," Akane retorted, her voice becoming more terse with each word.  
  
"Oh, that's just men for you," Nabiki replied, mock-sighing at her sister's naivity, "Men have this thing about appearing tough and macho for the sake of seeming 'manly', you know?"  
  
"But, this is more than that, I think," Akane argued, twiddling her thumbs.  
  
"Oh, Akane," Kasumi spoke up, attempting to console her sister, "I think it's time you were open with him. If he only knew how you felt about him, he would return those feelings!"  
  
___________________  
  
Ranma moved fast and roughtly through his warmup katas, feeling the imperfections in his form expanding. He nearly swore, finding his latest agitations were really getting to him, and worked harder to correct his technique. The harder he pushed, the worse it seemed to become.  
  
"Sloppy, pathetic! And you call yourself a student of Anything Goes?"  
  
Ranma paused in mid-motion, finding himself overbalanced, and toppled. "You." Ranma said simply, as he got back up, and glared at the troll that had entered through one of the windows.  
  
"No, how dare *you* come between a master and his beloved student!" Happosai accused, standing with his arms folded  
  
"Look, if you want her, you can have her back, I'm through with her," Ranma responded, going back into stance for practice.  
  
"I would if I could, Ranma my boy," Happosai countered, "But she chose being a weak, boy crazy girl over a high calibur martial artist, and it's all your fault!"  
  
"It's not like I wanted this in the first place," Ranma retorted, spinning on the Grand Master of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts.  
  
"Well, it's stil your problem, isn't it?" Happosai returned.  
  
"Yeah, it is," Ranma replied in a quiet voice, "Ever since I got here, she's been my problem. I've been a good sport about it, but quite frankly, there's only so much I think I can take from her."  
  
"Hogwash, boy," Happosai interjected, "If anything, you're probably thriving on being the knight in shining armor for a pretty little girl like Akane!"  
  
___________________  
  
Akane chuckled mirthlessly, "You make it sound so easy."  
  
"Because it is," Kasumi said simply, with a warm smile.  
  
It was a smile that was contagious, and Akane found herself inflicted with it. "Thanks, I think you're right."  
  
"We know we're right, we're your sisters," Nabiki responded, patting her youngest siter on the back. Akane nodded, finding herself filled with resolve that warred with her trepidation, but found the former slowly pushing forward. Just as the war within her shifted, so did her sitting to standing, and as the frontline moved forward within her, so did her feat, straight for the dojo.  
  
After a few moments, Nabiki turned to Kasumi, "Not bad, sis, I didn't expect you to actually pick up on my lead so well!"  
  
"Lead?" Kasumi asked with a puzzled tone.  
  
"Ah, you actually believe they're meant for each other?" Nabiki enquired with a bit of a teasing tone.  
  
Kasumi smiled, and nodded, "Akane and Happosai are great together, don't you think?"  
  
Nabiki gave Kasumi a flat stare for several moments, before standing up, "That's it, I'm going to go hide your Valuum..." Before she could move, she found herself tackled from behind.  
  
"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" Kasumi shouted, keeping her sister face down against the floor.  
  
___________________  
  
"Oh SHUT UP, you old freak!" Ranma shouted, "She's been driving me crazy, practically the moment we met! Quite frankly, I wish I had NEVER met her!"  
  
___________________  
  
Akane walked back to her sisters to find them wrestling on the ground. They stopped to find their youngest sister with her head bowed so her bangs hiding her expression. "I'm going to bed," she replied, simply, before stumbling upstairs.  
  
___________________  
  
"Then why didn't you just give up a long time ago?" Happosai asked, calmly.  
  
"Ah..." Ranma stumbled, "It was a matter of honor."  
  
"Poppycock! Where's the honor in protecting someone who can easily protect themselves! Dear Akane-chan may take risks, but she's a pactitioner of the art, and a darn good one, if I do say so, myself!"  
  
"But then WHO's gonna protect her from herself?"  
  
"Why would you care? She's the source of your problems, after all! Besides, her own family has apparently been doing so for the past few years, they can continue doing so."  
  
"Yeah, I guess," Ranma responded, quietly.  
  
"You're still here."  
  
The pigtailed martial artist looked back to the diminuative martial artist, before shifting his eyes away. "I'm gonna check up on Akane," he replied, before leaving the dojo.  
  
Happosai watched him leave, and then immidiately threw a temper tantrum. He had hoped that Ranma would see the error of his ways, and finally just walk away from his obligation to the Tendous. Ah well, sometimes even the best laid plans...  
  
___________________  
  
Ranma didn't even enquire as to why the two older Tendou sisters were entangled together with their clothes shredded, just asking for Akane's whereabouts in irritation. "Jeez, I ask you to watch her for an hour, and you're not even capable of that!"  
  
Both girls blushed, realizing they had become lax in their vigilence over their sister since Ranma took over. "Akane went to her room to sleep," Nabiki finally answered, earning a nod from Ranma.  
  
The pigtailed boy made his way up the stairs, and down the hall to Akane's room. He opened the door to darkness, and heard Akane's easily audible snoring from beneath the covers. He didn't even notice the light smile that crossed his face, as he closed the door, and began to walk back to the dojo.  
  
He thought about the times he had feigned sleep, just to make sure Akane wasn't trying anything suspicious. Unbidden, the image of Akane's peacful and cute expression, framed by short cropped hair, as her feminine chest rose and receded lightly. Ranma's smile dissappeared, when he realized something...  
  
"Since when did Akane snore that loud?"  
  
___________________  
  
Akane walked down to the trainstation, not really thinking of any destination in particular, and bought a ticket to a district that just struck her fancy.  
  
She needed to get some distance from home to think about things; get some distance from Ranma. She had heard his proclimation, just before she was about to enter the dojo, and felt like her very vitality had been drained from her like water from the bath.  
  
She knew she put a strain on the pigtailed boy's... attitude, she wasn't completely blind to his plight. But hearing him sum up the culmination of his feelings towards her hit her harder than she had been in a long time.  
  
Akane boarded the train heading for the Akebanebashi station, fighitng back the sniffles that threatened to come forth...  
  
___________________  
  
Irritated at being fooled by the old tape-recorder and pillows gag, Ranma didn't even bother to alert the rest of Akane's family, deciding they would blame him for this incident, anyhow. He knew it wasn't too late, yet. He wasn't sure how, he just 'knew', just like he knew when she was about to make an attempt on herself. "Heh, she's got me trained pretty well," He thought to himself, as he lept from rooftop to rooftop in his search of Akane's usual auto-termination sights...  
  
___________________  
  
Akane tried her best not to interfere with the people around her. The happy and cheerful couples with none of her problems, and someone to at least share them with. All other guys kept their distance for fear, with only two exeptions. One made a full 180 turn, and made every attempt he could to kill her. Not that she really minded, she had only dated him that one time to finally get him to leave her alone.  
  
The other one, however, apparenly only stuck with her for honor, not out of any other personal intrest. Feeling dejection hang over her like a heavy cloud, Akane looked up, and spotted something, something that brought memories of her mother, back when she was alive, and when Akane found things simpler to contemplate.  
  
___________________  
  
Fustrated, Ranma finally returned back to the Tendou Household in order to enlist help in his search. Akane wasn't at any of her usual spots of interest, maybe her sisters or her father knew of something.  
  
"HEY! MR. TENDOU, NABIKI, KASUMI!" Ranma landed in the backyard, and entered the back hall, after a quick search, he found the rest of the Tendou Family, including his father, watching TV. "Hey, guys, Akane's missing. I know she's not dead or anything, yet, but I was hoping you guys could clue me in on where she could be, and gimme some help tracking her down."  
  
"Of course we can, Ranma," Kasumi replied in her drugged up cheerfulness, as she pointed to the television that had everyone's attention wrapped.  
  
Ranma blinked, before turning to the TV. His eyes went wide, as he saw Akane...  
  
Outside the Special observation balcony of Tokyo Tower...  
  
___________________  
  
It was weird, Akane thought to herself. This time, right before she faced the edge of death, she found herself with a lot to think about. She wasn't one to give into a lot of contemplation, being more a do-er type of gal, but this time, it was different. Maybe before she was just trying to get attention, she was the notorious 'Deadly Drama Queen', after all. Maybe it was the thought that she was now actively thinking about her own demise; it seemed so much less... enthuesing than before. of course, it could also be the fact that she now felt she no long had a reason to go on, but that would then sound like some corny made-for-TV movie that Kasumi always indulged in.   
  
The raven-haired girl ignored the cries of the officials from inside the tower's observation deck, and looked towards the west. She wasn't surprised that she couldn't see Mt. Fuji, since it was usually only visible during the clearest, sunniest days, but she hoped she could at least one more time. It was something her mother had pointed out to her, the last time she had been up there... well, on the *inside* of the deck, anyways.  
  
The reccollection drew a small smile on Akane's face, before she turned around towards the pleading officials and film crews behind her, "COULD YOU GUYS SHUT UP FOR A BIT! I'M TRYING TO THINK ABOUT SOME THINGS!"  
  
"Geez," Akane thought to herself, "I just want to die peacefully. Do they have to make such a fuss?"  
  
___________________  
  
"Geez, Akane," Ranma griped, as he took a flying leap from a rooftop, and deftly landed on a passing train, "If you were gonna kill yourself by plunging to your death, couldn't you have picked somewhere a bit more local?"  
  
having a good while before the train arrived at its destination, and laid down on his back. He thought about something, he would probably miss this; having to be that one that bailed Akane out of her own self-imposed demise. It was a guilty pleasure he found himself enjoying as of late, and the warm and chagrinned smile Akane would reward him with was something he considered to priceless to just give up like that.  
  
Dang, when did he become such a massochist?  
  
___________________  
  
Akane sipped on her tea, and nodded to whatever the man out on the brink of death said to her. "Ms. Tendou, Are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable sitting inside, and discussing this?"  
  
Akane looked up over her cup, "I'm okay, but I'm sure you would be more comfortable inside."  
  
The suicide specialist chuckled nervously, as ne looked over the edge of where his legs were currently dangling, "Yes, I would admit that I would be more... relaxed."  
  
Akane nodded her head to the deck below her, as she bounced her legs against the walls of the deck against the back of her legs, "You can go back in, if you like, I won't mind, though I am enjoying your company."  
  
"Ah.. heh heh... I guess that's good to hear... Anyways, why *are* you doing this?"  
  
Akane shrugged, before taking another sip of her tea, "This is good, what blend is it?"  
  
The man sitting with her once again chuckled, as he tried to keep his eyes off of the special police force members that were quietly descending down ropes from above to capture and restrain the girl...  
  
___________________  
  
"Damn," Ranma thought, "I didn't eat dinner yet. I wonder where Akane would like to go after I keep her from plunging two hundred and fifty meters to her death?" Ranma shifted to his side, and noticed the sign announcing the arrival of his destination in two minutes. Ranma decided he was close enough, and leapt off, and made a bee-line for the Japan's most famous and infamous media tower...  
  
___________________  
  
"Jerks..." Akane glowered, as she looked down at the men who were dangling from the ropes they were currently entangled with after their attempt to subdue the suicidee, "Don't they realize that when a girl says 'no'. she means 'NO'?"  
  
Akane turned back to the audience that had gathered inside, "Honestly, women, you don't have to take crap from guys like that!" Every woman in the audience nodded solumnly, understanding they had a right to protect themselves from accousting. One of the entangled and somewhat gagged officers whimpered, as he looked to where he was aimed headfirst to, and wished for the umpteenth time that the girl they were attempting to rescue hadn't been a martial artist.  
  
His eyes shifted, as a pigeon landed on his outstretched arm, and began walking back and forth. Akane caught this, and leaned forward, "Shoo, shoo!"  
  
The audience behind her, suddenly gasped, as the girl started to lose her balance. Her tenatious hold to the edge almost faltered, just as the bird found itself intimidated by the girl trying to spook it, and took flight. Quickly, Akane threw her arms back, bringing herself back against the edge of the tower securely. "Whew, that was close!" Akane said out loud, "I thought it was going to crap on him for sure!"  
  
"Hey! Akane!"  
  
The girl in question, along with several others, looked up to find a pigtailed boy above them, looking down at Akane with an irritated expression, "Did you have to draw this much attention to yourself?"  
  
"Ranma..." Akane almost whispered, feeling her previous despair gain a tighter hold on her.  
  
"Come on," Ranma commanded, as he began to descend, "Let's go and get us something to eat. I don't think Kasumi really was up to preparing anything for some reason."  
  
"Don't come any closer, Ranma," Akane counter-commanded, as she turned her eyes downward.  
  
"I haveta if I'm going to save ya," Ranma said with an annoyed voice. "Now let's just get going before they decide to push you or something."  
  
"I can't."  
  
Ranma blinked, "Sure you can, just reach your hand up, and I'll pull you to this nice, sturdy ledge I found. I know it sounds pretty complicated, but the basic concepts should be easy to grasp."  
  
"Stop it, Ranma."  
  
That's when Ranma realized that something was very different. "Akane, what's this all about?"  
  
With a deep breath, Akane turned to Ranma, and answered, "Ranma, I'm sorry. Sorry for what my sisters and father forced upon you, and sorry for everything I've done for you."  
  
"That's nice, apology accepted, can we go now?"  
  
"DAMN IT, RANMA, CAN YOU TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY?!?"  
  
"Geez, that guy's a jerk!" someone below commented.  
  
"Akane, really, it's okay," Ranma replied, not noticing his voice becoming a bit tinged with emotion, "Let's just go home, and we'll forget about this whole incident."  
  
"Ranma, I'm releasing you from your vow of honor."  
  
"Thanks, can we go *now*?"  
  
"You don't have to do this anymore," Akane answered, "It isn't fair to you, having to put up with this against your will, okay?" Akane blinked away the tears that were attempting to escape, "So you can go now, you don't have to concern yourself with me, anymore."  
  
"That's not what your family's going to say."  
  
"I don't care what they think right now," Akane replied, heatedly, "If they really cared, they wouldn't have shoveled me off to someone else, someone as nice as you."  
  
"Akane..."  
  
"Don't, Ranma," Akane released a shuddering breath, "I know you wish you had never met me, I know you didn't really care for-"  
  
"DAMN IT, AKANE!" Ranma shouted, interrupting her, and nearly startling her, "IF YOU THINK I DIDN'T CARE, DO YOU THINK I'D BE UP HERE RIGHT NOW? HELL, I WASN'T IN LOVE WITH YOU, I WOULDN'T-..." Ranma stopped, as an expression of shock and amazement crossed his face, realizing what he had just said.  
  
Akane stared up into his stormy gray eyes in disbelief, "...what?"  
  
"You deaf, girl! The Jerk said he loves you!" one of the men from the audience shouted up, before several surrounding women pounded the insensitive jerk into unconciousness.  
  
"What did you say?" Akane demanded in a quiet voice.  
  
Ranma's face firmed, as he if he was now facing the hardest battle of his life, for what was now his most valuable prize. "I love you," he said with unshaken, unwavering resolve.  
  
Akane continued to stare up at him, as her tears began to flow freely, unrestrained by her broken resolve. He... he more than cared for her, he... he... could she...?"  
  
Akane bowed her head for several moments, before raising it back to Ranma, giving him a smile that both broke his heart, and filled it with golden rays of sunshine that brightened the evening sky more than any sun could at that moment. So quiet was Akane's responce, and so awestruck he was, that he barely caught what Akane had said.  
  
"I'm glad to have met you, Ranma..."  
  
"...Huh?" Ranma asked for clarification. It was slight, ever so slight, that he didn't realize Akane was leaning back, several quiet seconds after she pushed away from the ledge. "AKANE!!!!"  
  
Before he even finished the shout, he was diving after Akane. There had been no hesitation as he flew after the girl. Just a sense of complete, total, desperation.  
  
The pigtailed boy arched his body to minimize wind resistance, and reached, strained his arms out towards the falling girl, as he gained precious inches towards her. He was surprised, as Akane reached a hand out, and grasped his. For several moments during freefall, they both stared at each other; Akane's expression one of dumbfoundment, as Ranma's seemed to be searching Akane's face for something.  
  
Apparently he found it, as a small smile formed on his face. "I'm glad to have met you, too."  
  
Suddenly, Ranma's face became stern with concentration, as he tightened his grasp on Akane's hand, torgued her above him, and then tucked in both of his legs, "KAIIIII!!!"  
  
Akane felt the air rush from her lungs, as she was launched back up towards the Tower, and through the metal grating around the first observatory. Akane struggled to get back to her feet, but the pain of the broken ribs Ranma caused, intentionally, no doubt, kept her from regaining enough strength to pull herself fully to standing.  
  
With a sigh, Ranma turned away from the hole Akane's body caused, and looked down to the ground. Funny, he thought to himself, he could now see the appeal of impending death. It was rather peaceful, like-  
  
::WHAMMMM!!!!::  
  
The tower shook all the way to the top observatory, causing the Tokyo Tower's earthquake alarm system to sound.  
  
"Now that... had to hurt," one of the spectators commented, earning solumn nods from everyone around him.  
  
"RANMAAAAAAA!!!!!" Akane collapsed to the floor, overcome with despair.  
  
___________________  
  
___________________  
  
Epilogue  
  
Just in the distance, he could see the glistening white light over the horizon, holding promise of a better existance beyond the one he just left. He could hear the voices from beyond, his ancestors, he realized, beckoning him to join them, to share in the afterlife. Finally, he was close enough to realize what they were saying...  
  
"...is no!"  
  
When did Dr. Tofu ascend to this higher plane of existance," Ranma thought to himself, he was sure he hadn't hurt the doctor all *that* bad.  
  
"But it's for the art, doctor, the *ART*!"  
  
And his father? Come to think of it, why was the after-life so... painful?  
  
Ranma's eyes opened from the growing slits of his eyelids, and did a quick survey with his senses. The unbearable white about him, and the nearly overwhelming smell of anticeptic tipped him off. Damn, and he was looking forward to some quiet relaxation in the after-life, too.  
  
Ranma's eyes shifted towards Dr. Tofu, who was rubbing his temples in agitation. "I don't care, Mr. Saotome," the doctor responded with barely controled irritation behind strained dicipline, "If I ever hear that you were throwing Ranma from Tokyo Tower... even once... I will make sure you had more to deal with than the authorities."  
  
"But imagine!" Genma lamented, "Think of how much this would toughen up the boy! He survived it once, and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, right?"  
  
"No, and this is, quite frankly, *the* dumbest training idea I have ever heard!"  
  
"How about if we just toss him from the first observation deck a few times, first?"  
  
Ranma groaned at his old man's idiocy, drawing his and Tofu's attention.  
  
"Welcome back to the living, Ranma," Tofu congradulated, pushing his glasses further up his nose.  
  
"Boy, you understand, don't you?" Genma was quickly in his son's face, "You would be able to survive falls with little effort! Imagine how powerful a martial artist it would make you!"  
  
"How about we throw you first, more than a few times, just to be on the safe side?" Ranma responded with a dry voice.  
  
Genma baulked, before he schooled his expression, "I'll ask you later when you're not delirious." With that, Genma left the hospital room to tell the others the good news.  
  
"How long had I been out?" Ranma asked.  
  
"Three weeks," Tofu explained, "And you managed to break every bone in your body, a pretty impressive feat, I'll say!"  
  
"Gee, thanks," Ranma replied, "Ah... sorry about that... last incident back at your office..."  
  
Tofu chuckled, and reached the arm that wasn't in a sling to the back of his head, scratching nervously, "Ah, heh heh, that's okay. I realized later on that you were feeling rather... bold."  
  
"Huh? What do you mean?" Ranma enquired.  
  
"The Couragious Heart's Pressure point removes inhibitions, including the hesitation to attack an enemy. I doubt you would have done anything to me if that weren't the case."  
  
"Wait..." Ranma almost exclaimed, "When..." Ranma then remembered Happosai descending upon him from a street lap, as he was carrying Akane, and the precise kick the elderly martial artist delivered... to the base of the skull... just to the left...  
  
"The old letch..."  
  
Tofu chuckled, "That's what Akane surmised... oh, you have visitors!"  
  
Tofu stood up from the chair next to Ranma, just as a troll-like figure with long gray hair came into his view. "So, this is the infamous Ranma that had bested my Great-Granddaughter in the tournament."  
  
"Who..." Ranma began, just as a familiar lavender-haired girl came into sight.  
  
"Nihao, Ranma," Shampoo greeted, half-heartedly.  
  
"Hi, Shampoo," Ranma greeted back, half-heartedly, before realizing something, "Hold on, I'm a guy, how did you know?"  
  
"Well," Cologne began, "The hermaphrodite story was pretty fishy, so I had Shampoo bring me here to investigate. I give my thanks to everyone for clarifying the situation." Cologne then turned to her heir with a stern expression, "Now, Shampoo, you know what you need to do."  
  
With a groan of exasperation, Shampoo leaned in, and quickly pecked Ranma on the lips. "Woainiairen. We go now, right Great-Grandmother?"  
  
The Amazon matriarch shook her head, "No, not until we can bring your husband with us."  
  
Shampoo growled, and threw Ranma a dirty look, before storming out of the room. After she left, Cologne turned back to Ranma, "See that, Son-in-law? That's what you're getting yourself in for!" With a cackle, the old woman pogoed out of the room on her staff.  
  
After they left, a matronly woman quickly entered, along with his father, and found herself fretting over the young man in a full body cast.  
  
"My poor child! My poor, poor manly child!"  
  
"Who's she, Pop?" Ranma enquired, shifting his eyes from the woman to his father.  
  
Genma was about to rap his son on the head for his insulence, before the hilt of a wrapped sword found its way in front of Genma's view in warning. "It's the shock of the fall, Genma, you *will* not aggrivate it any further," Nodoka warned, though slightly irritated and confused that her son would forget about her.  
  
"This is your mother, boy," Genma attempted to sound stern, and was slightly failing, "show some respect!"  
  
Ranma blinked, and looked towards the woman.  
  
"Omai," Mrs. Saotome explained, simply, earning a nod from Ranma.  
  
Genma choked, before regaining himself, "We'll talk later, boy." With that, they left.  
  
After a few moments, a young man with a tiger-striped bandanna and a backpack walked in, with a stuffed piglet under his arm. "Hey, Ryoga, I didn't think you cared!" Ranma greeted wryly.  
  
Ryoga snorted, "I didn't, I ended up here by accident," Ryoga looked at the stuffed pig under his arm, and tossed it onto Ranma, "Here, because you're such a pig-headed jerk, and to remind you of the Hell you put me through."  
  
Ranma gave a light chuckle, "Thanks, Ryoga."  
  
"Whatever," the fanged boy retorted, finally finding his way out the room.  
  
As he was exiting, he nearly bumped into Soun and his daughters. Kasumi and Soun stood on one side, Nabiki at the foot of the bed, and Akane at the other side by her lonesome.  
  
"Ranma, son," the Tendou Patriarch began, "We owe a debt of gratitude to you."  
  
"Yeah," Nabiki continued, "None of sis's bodyguards went through this much effort to protect her. You're something else, Saotome."  
  
"Thank you for keeping our sister safe," Kasumi started, "You are truly a man of honor."  
  
"Yeah, even when that honor is being used against me, huh?" Ranma retorted accusingly. The three eldest Tendous all began to chuckle nervously, and look in different directions.  
  
Akane kept her head down, before speaking up, "Could you guys... leave me and Ranma alone... for a little bit?"  
  
Given an avenue of escape, Soun, Kasumi, and Nabiki quickly accepted it, and rushed out of the room.  
  
"Figures," Ranma retorted, "I swear, your family's as spineless as my father..."  
  
"I... I guess," Akane replied, sitting in the seat next to Ranma. After several moments of ackward silence, Akane had gotten her thoughts together, "Ranma, I want to thank you, for always being there for me, even if you didn't want to."  
  
"Ah, it wasn't like I had anything better to do," Ranma joked, finding her seriousness unnerving.  
  
Akane seemed to ignore it, "It was nice, you gave me a security that I didn't know was missing, until you were around. There aren't many people that I truely care for, and even less people who truly care for me, I mean out of more than just concern. You've done more for me than anyone had the right to ask you, and even when you were told you didn't need to do any more, you risked your life to continue," Akane pushed a strand of shiny black hair from her face that had dropped to the fore, "I don't know when it happened, but I do know I love... I love you too, Ranma Saotome. You are the one person in this world I want to always protect me, even from myself..."  
  
Ranma listened attentively, as Akane seemed to gather her courage, and looked him directly in the eyes. "Ranma... will you marry me?"  
  
Ranma blinked, and then blinked again, before he felt a quiet chuckle begin deep inside of him. Akane shifted nervously, a bit discerned from the growing laugh Ranma was building, but she faced it with determination, as Ranma calmed down, and with a very serious expression, gave his answer.  
  
Fin  
  
___________________  
  
___________________  
  
Omaki  
  
"Well," WFROSE asked, leaning back from the keyboard, "how's that?"  
  
"Is good," a voice stated, "You finish now, yes?"  
  
WFROSE blinked, "Huh?"  
  
"You finish story, still need putting in Ranma say 'no', so he go with Shampoo back to China!"  
  
The author blinked again, "Where the hell did you get that idea?"  
  
"You mean he... you mean the insensitive jerk actually..." the girl speaking blushed, before turning to another member of the audience.  
  
"I never said anything like that..." WFROSE replied, wondering where they were getting all these wild assumptions.  
  
The member of the audience that the raven-haired girl was staring at sighed in relief, causing the girl to shift her hopeful look to a heated glare.  
  
"It's all well and good, Sugar, but when are you finally gonna write me into all of this?"  
  
"um, I'm done, finished, resolved..." the author points to the screen, "See that word 'fin'?"  
  
"But you still have to make the boy say 'yes'!"  
  
"Oh my, that would be so romantic!"  
  
"And write them eloping, so we don't have to pay for a wedding..."  
  
"Well, I'm hungry, who's up for Korean?" WFROSE enquired.  
  
"You bet!"  
  
"NO! YOU FINISH STORY NOW!!!"  
  
"I agree with my Great-Granddaughter, there is still much left unresolved."  
  
WFROSE blinked, "Yeah, so?"  
  
Silence...  
  
"He doesn't leave this room," the feminine, elderly voice stated solumnly. Several members of the audience blocked the door, causing WFROSE to sweat, and jump through the window... 


End file.
